» Babysitters

Not quite babysitters
and not quite on topic but how and ever. My second was born just yesterday and has since developed a bit of a temperature. Hopefully nothing to be too concerned about and he is now in the intensive care unit. As a result I watched several nurses look after up to five very poorly baby's each feeding, clothing and monitoring each. When parents came down to spend time with their baby's the nurses were fantastically supportive whilst not giving the parents false hope. I watched them resuscitate a baby twice today within all of five feet of me. It is intensely emotional. They are TRUE babysitters.

Apologies for lack of funnys.
(Sat 30th Oct 2010, 20:43, More)

» Conversation Killers

Was in a bar
with a mate and some of his new college friends (All girls), when he mentioned one of them used to go to a summer Irish school with us. She was duly introduced but I couldn't for the life of me remember her. Several examples were given but nothing. She then pointed out she used to have red hair and not black, to which I cheerfully replied "Oh yeah! You're the girl everyone used to finger on the beach..."

Silence ensued.
(Thu 12th May 2011, 14:06, More)

» Unusual talents

Keepin things Calm like
I work with troubled youths. One of my talents is my unique approach to de-escalating aggressive kids. One situation involved me walking into a room with a kid armed with a kitchen chair standing on a table with two youth workers trying to talk him down.

My weapon, a cookbook. The suspicious child inquired as to what the fuck did I expect to accomplish with the book. I then proceeded to read recipes for twenty minutes until the kid said enough was enough and that he'd get down.
(Fri 19th Nov 2010, 13:33, More)

» Spoilers

On the subject of my work
Probably the best spoiler I ever witness was for the benefit of a young 12yr old Ian (not real name). A young messer committed to a secure unit for constantly running away. The unit itself was secure in the sense that it was surrounded by a massive security fence and all the doors on the unit were locked.

Anyways young Ian had managed to snatch a set of keys but hampered by the fact he had to unlock every door had simple managed to make it as far as the visitor toilets and promptly locked himself in there. Being a visitor's toilets it was tailored for both sexes. Being a messer young Ian had a habit of putting things in his mouth for attention.

Having managed to kick the door in Ian was removed to the sitting room were someone spotted a string hanging from twixt young Ians lips....

The male staff were removed from the room but we all gathered at the window to see one of the girls kneel beside Ian and calmly explain the facts of life. Upon hearing this most vivid of spoilers Ian vomited.
(Tue 11th Jun 2013, 14:50, More)

» Fairgrounds, theme parks, circuses and carnivals

In Ireland
we have our fair share of shabby travelling fairgrounds. These were very much a highlight of all our younger years. Back round the time when Kevin Costner was Robin Hood and it was the only video my nan had for us to watch, a fair arrived in our little village.

My friend and I scoured the entire show which took a whole half minute. Deciding we love life too much (The next village a kid would die on one of the rides)we settled on the games of chance. After too long at the pluck a duck stand we headed over to the sucker arrow crossbows.

No one ever won these. But young Daz began to sing the "Dundadundadundadundadundaaaadundaaaaaduuunnnn" from Robin Hood and BAM. Bullseye. My friend and I stared. 20 Pounds!!!!!!

We called over the attendant and displayed my triumph. He glanced at it, grunted and hit the board causing the arrow to slide down the board out of the winning zone. Now being much smaller we were smart enough not to argue too much.

But that, dickhead, is how the same night your shitty little stall got covered in old paint.
(Tue 14th Jun 2011, 8:12, More)