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This one time,
I was running through the fields
When I came across a dead guy
With a letter in his hand,
So I scanned it,
And though the grammar was okay,
There was such a lack of purpose
That it was difficult to care.

But anyway, hidden in the mess of letters lies the awful truth,
Yeah, that Emma's mum and dad use plastic forks.
Yeah, nothing in this life can take her common shame away,
Yeah, 'cause Emma's mum and dad use plastic forks.

The next day (about ten o'clock)
It was playing on my mind (well, I say it was)
So I edited it for context (good job)
Till there was nothing fit to print.

But anyway, hidden in the mess of letters lies the awful truth,
Yeah, that Emma's mum and dad use plastic forks.
Woah, but nothing in this life can take her common shame away,
Yeah, 'cause Emma's mum and dad use plastic forks.

Maybe it's an old cliche, but sometimes things are better left expected.
You let your manatee down and then you drown: that's just the way with nature.
I've been here once or twice before with better hair, and let me tell you,
Only the good die young, except for when they don't, it's not exactly fair.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah, it'll never be a kingdom's share

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Best answers to questions:

» Shops and Supermarkets

petrol station shinanigans...
I used to work in a petrol station just outside York.... One night shift i was working with my mate Joe when I authorised a guy with an astra van to use the diesel pump..... A few minutes later i looked at the till which showed he'd put about 40 litres in it.... on it went 50, 60 , 70 , I shouted joe over saying "look how much diesels going in this van"... so he comes and watches.... 90, 100, 110, 120 litres.... then he puts the pump down, jumps in the van and drives off.... As he does so it becomes obvious he has removed the rear quarter window and there are two huge fuel drums in the back of the van. So we call the police who came round and basically bollocked us for the stupidity of not cutting the pump off sooner (alas employing two uniterested 17 yr olds has it's downsides). Apparently wondering how much fuel you can get in an astra van is not a wise thing to allow in the eyes of the law. Turns out the van was stolen and it wasn't seen again.
(Sun 13th May 2012, 23:45, More)

» Getting Old

I've Just hit ten years in my Job.
I'm sure I only started there a few years ago... 10 years? Most of my friends are now married and have kids. I'm still messing about with not being very good at playing music and fast cars. At times i worry i should grow up there's a constant nagging in my head i'm leaving things to late. Then i look at how much fun the people i'm supposed to be behaving like aren't having......
(Sun 10th Jun 2012, 12:56, More)

» The Great Outdoors

Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger
When we were about 15 some friends and I went for a three day hike in the dales... On the second night we camped in a field next to a small copice of trees. I was awoken in the early hours by something in the tent. I assumed it was my mate Eddie coming back from taking a piss when I heard the weird snuffling/growling type sound. I sat upright to see a badger in our tent helping itself to the food we had brought for the weekend. I woke Eddie up to show him and we sat and watched the badger pork its way through corned beef sarnies and then not being able to figure out a bag of crisps. It then noticed us, Shat and made a bolt for freedom and on it's merry way.....
(Fri 30th Mar 2012, 0:56, More)

» Corporate Idiocy

Npower....... Mathmatical geniuses...
I started renting a house with a Friend and we Set up our electric/gas with Npower. They gave us a card with which we could pay a monthly amount at various paypoints to cover our bills. We weren't sure how much money we would need to cover the bills so had a guess they would come to around 200 a quarter so agreed to pay 60 a month. After a very cold winter the bill we got was high and we were about 20 short on our card so they put our monthly payments up to 90. (a bit steep i thought) anyway when the next bill arrived we were about 100 in credit, so i rang and asked if we could lower the monthly payments back to 60. they agreed. We got a letter a few days later saying they had done this. So the next bill arrives and we are about 140 in credit. We however got a letter demanding 90 immediately as we hadn't been paying enough on our card. I wrote back to tell them we were in credit and sent a photocopy of the letter agreeing to change the payments back from 90 to 60. We got more final demands and this went on back and forth until they threatened to take us to court. Another quarter had passed in the meantime and we were now about 180 in credit and they were now stating we owed them 180... I really really wanted them to take me to court by this point. But they sent an advisor round to help me deal with my "unpaid bills and debt". When i explained to the advisor and showed them all the correspondance and proved we were 180 in credit he basically did a facepalm and got them to refund us the money. Needless to say we changed supplier after that.
tl:dr Npower are twats.
(Thu 23rd Feb 2012, 23:59, More)

» Driven to Madness

Non washing-up Bastard
My housemate is a lazy bastard at the best of times, but he does odd things to make it look as if he does something useful occasionally. But the one that really really fucks me the shit off is him piling all his washing up into the sink, Adding washing up liquid then filling it up to the brim with water. Then leaving it. If it was just to give it ten minutes for things to soak then fine, no problem. But the next day i'll go to use the sink and there it is choc full of stuff and cold water full of bits that has to be reached into to pull the plug out :(.
(Wed 10th Oct 2012, 19:40, More)
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