» Cross Dressing

Post rocky...
Went to the last night sow of Rocky Horror a few years back and was generally dolled up (red corset, stockings and suspenders, pearls, lots of makeup, big black boots and long trenchcoat).

Firstly, went to the loo just as the show finished. Picture the scene, row of urinals, 7 blokes all dolled up to the nines and one guy at the end who looked like he had just come from work.

In the hush, all of a sudden...

"who's the weirdo in the suit?", piped up one of the guys, causing all of us to crease up.

I had a few women saying hello in a "nice to see you again" kinda way (I thought maybe they were some of the girls from work...) only for my wife to point out that "I don't think you know them, they probably want a shag as they've been eyeing you up all night...."

Next it's off to the club next door. I'm chatted up 4 times before I get to the Bar and the wife ends up dancing with a group of Lesbians (all in rocky gear) who keep asking her out in all seriousness...

Stick on a dress and go to a pub=guarenteed pull (and not just by the law..:) ). Oh why didn't I realise this in my youth? :)
(Sun 18th Mar 2007, 21:03, More)

» Posh

posh do's.
Went to the Cartier international polo a few weeks ago where it totally rained on us all. Saw the queen, saw harry on his horse (He's a good player buy needs to get stuck in a bit more) and pushed past Tamara Beckwith (I'm pretty sure it was her...) in the queue for the toilets.

Booed at the "essential lifeblood of Equestrianism!" (parade of fox hounds) and argued with the toffs.

The best part was when a single foxhound stopped and shat right in the middle of the field. It was the biggest piece of anti Establishment social commentary there could've been... :)

The longer I spent there, the more delightfully working class I felt.
(Mon 19th Sep 2005, 12:00, More)

» Spoooky Coincidence

Coin tossing.
Once had a run of correct "Heads or tails" guessing.

I got 110+ correct in a row...

MJB.
(Sat 10th Feb 2007, 10:29, More)

» My Worst Vomit

Blessed are the cheesemakers...
Two incidents spring readily to mind....

The first had no alcohol involved with it at all.

I was travelling back down to University (a 200 mile trip) which I'd take a few hours over, stopping off and seeing friends etc. as I set off, I bought petrol and "snacks" for the trip back, namely a bag of minstrels, a bottle of sprite and a ginsters "Buffet bar", or as I now call them "Hell wrapped in a spicy sausagemeat coating." It was quite a warm summer's day and I chucked all the stuff into the glovebox. Then, after 6 hours in total I arrived hungry at my flat with no chance of an open shop and nothing to eat bar the contents of the glove box. So, I tucked into the Buffet bar, washed it down with some sprite and a handful of chocolate.

10 minutes later I felt slightly odd. The warm confines of the glove-box had had an adverse effect on the filling of the Buffet bar, namely turning it into Bacteria central.

I legged it out of my room and (past the locked bathroom) into the 2nd bathroom in the student block. As I turned through the door lunch decided to go on holiday and I fired everything I had eaten a good 12 feet or more across the room, spraying through my fingers in a nice wide arc and coating almost every single surface, the toilet, shower, sink and recessed window in shit-brown coloured puke.

Then I had to clean it all up.

Lovelly.

Prior to that though, the "cheesy-hurl" was when I was a mere 18 and had been drinking very heavilly one night. The vodka was ok, the murphys wasn't too bad, the southern Comfort and coke was probably a bad choice though, not to mention the Cider, bag of chips, pot and 20/20.

The next morning, my head was tender and my stomach was going through hoops. I decided to first of all drink a pint of milk to calm it down. That worked for a while. Then after 20 minutes it stopped working. I really didn't feel that good at that point. So, as I could feel the acidic presence of intense heartburn, I decided to quaff some antacid and calm things down.

I guess the mix was wrong. A hearty desert spoonful of Bicarb in water hit a rather troubled stomach. It felt ok for a moment, then started to get worse. The reaction in my stomach made it blow up like a baloon and I managed to stagger from the sofa onto my feet before the largest ever belch ripped out of my mouth. The only downside to this was that the bicarb had sank under the now semi-digested milk and forced it up my throat like a, well a shot from a semi-digested cheese cannon.

The smell could only be described using the "biblical horrific" scale! I had to first of all stop vomiting, secondly swallow a mass of it again, thirdly sit there belching for about ten minutes and finally scoop up rancid sloppy semi-cheese from the carpet.

Then that night, we went out drinking again....
(Mon 23rd Aug 2004, 18:50, More)

» Breakin' The Law

"Can I ask what you are doing here sir?"
One night, I was driving home and had pulled into the estate and was just approaching my flat when I saw a car moving slowly right opposite the parking bays I normally used. So, I pull up next to it and wait for it to move (so I can reverse in) when the white shirted officer in the plain clothes car rolls down the window and signals to me. I Roll down mine and the conversation goes:

Offcr: "Can I ask what you are doing here sir at 12:30 at night?"

Me: "yeah, waiting for you to move so I can get into my driveway."

offcr: "Oh, sorry...." Then drives off...

Unbeknownst to me at the time, the phone box on the corner, directly under my flat window was the local "rent Boy knocking shop Telephone exchange"..... :)
(Thu 8th Jan 2004, 10:19, More)