» Jobsworths

Frisco Airport
Last year I was in Sanfransisco Airport - at the time I still smoked. So after a 12 hour flight I done the obvious - found out where I was allowed to smoke and headed there post haste. In SF airport the only place to smoke is outside the doors of the airport. So I stepped outside, light up my smoke when the jobsworth patrolling outisde zoned in on me and told me I wasn't allowed to smoke there. I looked at her and said I thought this was where smoking was permitted according to the sign 5 feet from me, she said no - you have to step over there (pointing at a yellow line 1 foot from where I was). So I took one step to the side, over the yellow line where I could then blow my smoke back to where I was originally standing!!
(Fri 13th May 2005, 10:57, More)

» Schadenfreude

An Irish setter....
I had an Irish setter once who loved to play the game of grab something and run away with it, usually something like one of my socks while I was getting dressed. One day in the sitting room, he grabbed something and went running to the patio doors. Now this time the patio doors were open yeah, hes' done it a few times with the doors closed, but not this time, this time the door was open, but he missed and face planted the wall. He actually hit it so hard he made a hole in the wall (plasterboard & plaster). Did we laugh? yeah, once we made sure the dog was OK!.
(Thu 17th Dec 2009, 13:00, More)

» The Police

Copper Caper
While I was living in Slough I was seeing this female who we will call P. P was a Special (volunteer police) in the local cop shop. Anyway, we bought a flat together and all was going well until I found out that P was seeing another copper from the local station. We split up and I took over the flat and mortgage etc... but let her stay there until she got herself sorted, this ended up taking a few months, and as it was a one bedroom flat I was sleeping on the couch in the living room.

After a couple of weeks I found out that she had also started seeing another cop from the same station.

One night she was at home in the bedroom and one of her boyfriend cops came to visit (while on duty). I let him in when he knock and told him where she was. 10 minutes later the other (original) cop boyfriend let himself in with his own key (this was news to me that he had one). I was gonna shout at him, but decided to let him creep quietly to the bedroom where he found the other 2 mid-getting it on. Cue 2 cops on duty, fighting in my sitting room. I keep thinking back and wishing I thought to call the cops and report a disturbance.

She moved out soon after that thankfully.
(Mon 26th Sep 2005, 15:45, More)

» Stupid Tourists

I was the "Tourist" sort of..
Being married to an American I went out there to meet the family. After the first week of people asking me what sort of food we ate in England my reply changed to be Guinea pig was the mainstay, but also hedgehog, dog, etc....
(Fri 8th Jul 2005, 14:28, More)

» I'm an expert

Me expertise is in
doing things and then forgetting that I've already done them and then doing them again...
(Fri 24th Jun 2005, 9:45, More)