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[challenge entry] Another busy day in the meme factory

From the The b3ta City challenge. See all 145 entries (closed)

(I helped save b3ta! Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:08, archived)
# look at them people
this is what pays for your cheap coffee*


*can anyone explain this to me - coffee in the supermarket. harvested, roasted and ground beans in a paper/plastic package - 3 quidish. cofffee - harvested, roasted and ground beans further processed into shit tasting instant and sold in a glass jar - 49p

wtf?
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:12, archived)
# Instant coffee disguises the fact that it's actually 60% recycled used toilet paper and dried hamsters

(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:13, archived)
# hamsters! that's it! i knew i recognised the flavour from somewhere!
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:16, archived)
# Hamsters used as toilet paper
Waste not, want not
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:46, archived)
# Presumably with instant coffee
they add filler, save on space and can hold it for longer.
(I helped save b3ta! Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:15, archived)
# bastards
ain't capitalism great?
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:17, archived)
# Because it is seen as 'classy'
and people pay for that. On a similar theme this is why 'fair trade' goods cost so much more. The farmer might get 100% more for the goods, which is great. But the distributer gets 200% more for doing the same job as with slave labour goods. I have no facts to back this up but if it isn't true then I have learned nothing in 40 years.
(I helped save b3ta! TheSundaeLunch I'm a fucking shrub, alright?, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:30, archived)
# i get what you're saying (man)
surely 'we' as consumers can change this?

*remembers that lots of people like football and the x factor. dies a little inside*
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:34, archived)
# You could set up a tent in a city square.
I understand this is the way to change how the whole world works.
(I helped save b3ta! TheSundaeLunch I'm a fucking shrub, alright?, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:39, archived)
# well, at least the rent's cheaper
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:41, archived)
# Fairtrade in coffee is bad
It actually commodifies the product and drives the longevity of the farm (and therefore the farmers livelihood)down. Look for things like cup of excellence instead though this too has had issues this year with the crop being so valuable now it has jeopardised families lives and kidnappings have increased in Guatemala as a direct result. Nothing is perfect but it pays to know more about what you are buying and how you are buying it. Weirdly, looks like starbucks had one of the better policies in this regard with their 10 year agreement..
(I helped save b3ta! Jimbuktu See? Right here, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:43, archived)
# Both have issues..
You are buying a commodity, and coffee prices this year have doubled, but regardless - instant coffee has things like chaff returned to it (it is removed in roasting)and is often very lightly roasted. This drives off less liquid which, as a commodity sold by weight means more value. Green coffee used by nescafe's latest blend is a hilarious example of clever marketing and an uneducated consumer.
If you look at the big companies, they will plant and use high yield robusta plants too, with a much lower trade price, generally traded through Switzerland to avoid the tax.
There is more finery to this ut I'm too drunk to explain. Go buy proper coffee, instant is shit. :)
(I helped save b3ta! Jimbuktu See? Right here, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:39, archived)
# If you are drunk
How the hell do you cope with making real coffee in the morning? It's all I can do to remember to add water using instant!

Edit sometimes I even remember to boil the water first.
(I helped save b3ta! TheSundaeLunch I'm a fucking shrub, alright?, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:43, archived)
# Ha,
In Lisbon last week I was destroyed and had to serve a few hundred delegates on three hours sleep; habit and coffee on tap get me through. :)
(I helped save b3ta! Jimbuktu See? Right here, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:45, archived)
# I so need coffee in the mornings
I have developed a new trick. When i get into work and 5 people are lining up with problems for me to deal with, I just say quietly: 'I haven't had a coffee yet'. It isn't true, but they leave me alone for an hour or so.
(I helped save b3ta! TheSundaeLunch I'm a fucking shrub, alright?, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:53, archived)
# Takes about an hour if we're all in the office
to get us to stop making coffee. You should hire us, we do the Saatchi Gallery sometimes so should fit in with yours and I make great coffee.
(I helped save b3ta! Jimbuktu See? Right here, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:55, archived)
# Hired!
Just to get decent coffee.
(I helped save b3ta! TheSundaeLunch I'm a fucking shrub, alright?, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:56, archived)
# Good choice.
Our new blend is awesome at the moment too.
On that note, must hit the sack. Night!
(I helped save b3ta! Jimbuktu See? Right here, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 0:03, archived)
# Bed for me too
I'll see you in dawn's rosy light, assuming that is somewhere around midday.
(I helped save b3ta! TheSundaeLunch I'm a fucking shrub, alright?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 0:06, archived)
# i like this. tis true.
it's like saying, forgive me, but i am i cunt, without anyone thinking any less of you and completely understanding.
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 0:00, archived)
# Ha ha ha ha ha
Nicely put!
(I helped save b3ta! Jimbuktu See? Right here, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 0:01, archived)
# Bingo.
(I helped save b3ta! TheSundaeLunch I'm a fucking shrub, alright?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 0:02, archived)
# there is no other coffee
it's a ritual, regardless of head state
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:52, archived)
# i can not drink instant
i have tried. this whole scenario depresses me
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:48, archived)
# I think instant is the equivilent of Methadone.
(I helped save b3ta! TheSundaeLunch I'm a fucking shrub, alright?, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:55, archived)
# yeah, guess i'd drink it if i had to
but given the choice i'd sooner have the smack. haven't they just noticed that meth is far more dangerous and expensive anyway?
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 0:08, archived)
# 'they' being 'them' of chemtrail fame, obviously
that and the fact that afghanistan has just changed hands
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 0:17, archived)
# That moon looks like it will roll off the converyor belt
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:16, archived)
# All together now...
"That's no moon."
(I helped save b3ta! Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:22, archived)
# well, not now that it's shattered into a thousand pieces on the factory floor.
don't feel bad - they'd fukt up the air con anyway
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Fri 28 Oct 2011, 23:28, archived)