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[challenge entry] your kids will meditate in school.
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it would have been better if i could remember how to warp text properly, but i can't. but even then the joke is tenuous so instead of doing any fact-finding i just screwed with the liquify tool and heaved it up here like a great big bag of stolen medical waste. sorry for bothering you all with it, you're really very nice people with brilliant, active minds. anyway, it popped in my head the other day while i was riding my bike on the way to the grocery and i had to make it - after i made some pasta, though, with the tomatoes and mushrooms i bought. i also bought a few books at the junk shop and some poppadums and a big bag of dirt so i can pot some more plants. there are squirrels eating my seeds and seedlings and i'm getting a bit enraged at them but i don't have any intention of waking up at 5:00 am to loll about on my patio and scare squirrels, so the plants will have to fend for themselves unless anyone's got some triffids they could sell or loan me.

i had my first mention in the newsletter a couple of years back with a top tip on how to peel ginger so i felt naturally drawn to this compo. if i'd had a better idea or more talentedly executed this one, i'm sure i'd be happier about it. still, i've got my health so who's to complain? not me, that's for sure. well, unless you count this big block of text (and i don't). cheers.

From the If the World was Ginger challenge. See all 311 entries (closed)

(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:17, archived)
# you get my vote
if you tell me what kind of plants they were.
(emcake putting a donk on it since, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:20, archived)
# basil, sage, parsley and cheese.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:23, archived)
# mmmm, cheese
the best of all the herbs
(I helped save b3ta! deodar ant trois minutes douche compris, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:26, archived)
# the giant cheddar fields of northern uzbekistan are a sight to behold.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:31, archived)
# these be acceptable.
I will accept your firstborn as payment for my vote.
(emcake putting a donk on it since, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:29, archived)
# good luck with that. he's 17 now.
but you can have him if you like.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:31, archived)
# Pop the top
and down that bad boy!

Blow up some ballons and tie'm around your patio . . . also sprinkle some garlic powder around.
(I helped save b3ta! Valin I changed glasses while I wasn't looking, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:25, archived)
# i hate balloons.
i tried chili powder, the squirrels here are tough bastards though. i'm just crabby that the local stray cats i feed lie there and ignore them.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:27, archived)
# That's because you feed them.
If you stop feeding them they'll look for other food sources... like squirrels.
(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:39, archived)
# if they'd eat tourists, i'd be happier.
and store clerks, gameshow contestants, smirkers, newsbots, people who spit or smoke....
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:45, archived)
# The old ballon trick . . .
(I helped save b3ta! Valin I changed glasses while I wasn't looking, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 5:00, archived)
# i can't be cruel to non-human animals.
humans, no problem.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 5:09, archived)
# That's an old RS80 he's got there.
We use RS92s now.
/pedant
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 Jun 2007, 5:36, archived)
# Whether
there is weather or not no doubt. Good lookin' out!
(I helped save b3ta! Valin I changed glasses while I wasn't looking, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 5:44, archived)
# Ta.
It should be snowing by now.
It isn't.
Bugger.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 Jun 2007, 5:47, archived)
# that's nice, dear
what was your top tip anyway? and did it have anything to do with figging (my mot du jour)? and general hellos in your general direction ....
(I helped save b3ta! deodar ant trois minutes douche compris, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:25, archived)
# figging and then some ice cube play.
ginger in the foreskin is a treat, too.

top tip on how to peel ginger: use the edge of a small spoon. it works better than a knife - takes away just the top layer of skin.

edit: whoops. hello!
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:30, archived)
# damn doctors
foreskin play will not be happening round these parts
(I helped save b3ta! deodar ant trois minutes douche compris, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:39, archived)
# THEN ANUS IT IS!
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:42, archived)
# TO THE ANUS!
AND BEYOND!
(I helped save b3ta! deodar ant trois minutes douche compris, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:48, archived)
# you are an experienced fisting bottom.
aicmfwristwatches.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:51, archived)
# damn, i wondered what that was
every morning at 7:15 i've been waking up with a vibrating anus
(I helped save b3ta! deodar ant trois minutes douche compris, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:54, archived)
# it's probably mofaha's friend, vhg.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:59, archived)
# Pffft!*
*sound of opening one.

*click** *

**sound of doing so.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:31, archived)
# i found some fun sites while looking for the bottle pic.
one i found has great bottle cap pics.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:35, archived)
# Handy!
Mmmmm old Tab.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:38, archived)
# i like 'like'.
and the bee one, the pointy-head one, the star, the target, rocket and crown.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 4:44, archived)
# I think this one is wrong.... maybe. [/;-D
macrochan.org/get.py?sha1=U6XZ2EI3PZ7UTAOYCAN5G5DUFFF4ZXUN
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 5:10, archived)
# better than any i've found tonight!
i've only seen dullards and idiots. if i'm going to hire a whore, he'd better be able to spell his ad properly.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 5:14, archived)
# NSFW, but very very funny.
macrochan.org/get.py?sha1=FGQH6C3N3VXRWRPUSYMOWFUSOV7ILXPC
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 5:19, archived)
# heh, lolcatporn probably took 38 seconds to develop after lolcat the meme was born.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 5:24, archived)
# 1892, 115 years of TOAP.
If you go by "Set font text on a reused 'photograph'".

Same bunch(French) did one of the first photocomics too.
Porn versions were, as you said, made 38 seconds later.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 7:07, archived)
# They have one of my favs . . .
from the honeymoon drink . . .

(I helped save b3ta! Valin I changed glasses while I wasn't looking, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 5:33, archived)
# Arf
remember to render the text layer before trying to manipulate it
(I helped save b3ta! chunderbunny lacking humus since, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 5:04, archived)
# i did that but still couldn't get it the right shape.
well, i think i did. i can't recall. it's late and i'm tired and hungry and crabby.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 5:08, archived)
# "you will croak you little clown....."
excellent X2 - 1 for the pic and 2 for the decay lyrics!
(I helped save b3ta! Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 7:10, archived)
# merci!
i haven't been playing their records lately but they've been in my head.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 7:13, archived)
# they were a brilliant band
and the gist of thier lyrics becomes more valid each day
How are you PB?
(I helped save b3ta! Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 7:19, archived)
# 'tis true, i fear.
excellent here but headed to bed. how's you?
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 7:22, archived)
# just starting for the arvo/night...
you sleep and i'll do what i can do maintain a resemblance of inormality in your absence
Have a good one and i'll see you in the slipstream!
(I helped save b3ta! Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 7:25, archived)
# thanks kind sir!
*vanishes*
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 7:28, archived)
# That source pic is Steaz organic soda!
A guy from my fraternity created the company! WOOO!
(I helped save b3ta! J-Rod chortled as he came, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 8:23, archived)
# Shoot one
and leave bits of it around the garden - it will dissuade other squirrels from coming near

or get some lion poo from the zoo
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 10:50, archived)