NEWSLETTER: "WHAT'S REALLY THICK AND LIVES ON A GLOBE? A FLAT EARTHER."
This Week:
* GAME - Amateur Hacker Simulator
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Films with wrong plurals
* TOY CAR RESTORATION VIDEOS - so relaxing...
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Jesus saves with
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the Woolwich"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|
B3ta email 692 - 2nd September 2018
Read this issue whilst sniffing Sellotape:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue692
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: TRUMP INSULT MACHINE
Tweety Gaddafi vs Tangerine Zedong
Pineapplecharm writes, "Some friends and I
noticed that all the best euphemisms for the
Inglorious Leader follow the rough format of
[orange/pathetic] [tyrant surname]. The
obvious, Javascript-powered result is The
Trumponym Insult Rolodex. Further suggestions
for the two lists is welcomed. After all there
are only 288 possible insults so far, which is
not the yugest it could be. Ask anybody."
http://theshitestuff.com/trumponyms.php
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What's the biggest lie you've ever heard?
* "We value your privacy"
* "You won't see this as often" - Twitter
* "£350m funding for the NHS"
* "You have unsubscribed from this newsletter"
* "I'm just staying for one pint."
* "We've got no magic money tree"
* "No doctor, I don't smoke, drink or take drugs..."
* "I'm not tired" - My son. Every bedtime.
https://twitter.com/b3ta/status/103476714391146905...
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: AMATEUR HACKER SIMULATOR
Do NOT use 'secret' as your password, ok dad?
Monkeon has stuck some of the stuff he
developed for UsVsTh3m back online and we're
highlighting this one as we remember it doing
about 300,000 uniques after it got onto
Reddit's Internet Is Beautiful. The trick is to
type some obvious passwords.
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/amateurhackersimulator/
Monkeon has some of his other older stuff up
and it's all worth a look.
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/workforothers.php
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: TROUSER TROUBLE? CALL HEBTRO
Sponsored Patreon
Do you remember what it was like before Hebtro
invented trousers? Men walked around in shorts.
Make sure that never happens again:
https://hebtro.co/
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: BIRMINGHAM BUS SIMULATOR BOT
Jon Bounders writes - "This week I made a
Twitter bot. It simulates the experience of
being on the number 11 outer circle bus in
Birmingham. It's a great bus: 280 stops, 26
mile route, 2 1/2 hours round to back where you
started from. You can treat it a bit like a
game, pick a destination in Brum and follow it
until you see your stop come up, and then stand
up and get off."
https://twitter.com/@RideThe11
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Getting a lobotomy is a no brainer
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK /GOLD/
I Witnessed A Crime
"Many years ago, some of my friends used to do
the rubber-sword live action RP - dressing up
as orcs and running about in the woods hitting
each other, that sort of thing.
"One Sunday a group of four or five were
driving back in a van from an event where they
had been playing Knights Templar when, driving
past a bus stop, they happened to see some
bloke pushing a girl about.
"I often wonder what went through the minds of
the bloke and girl as a battered transit van
pulled up next to them and a gang of knights in
shining armour piled out. They restrained the
bloke, hailed a cab and paid for it to take the
girl home, and then gave the man a short
homily: 'Remember, son, hitting women is wrong
- and we're watching', before leaping back into
the van and screeching away. (davywavy)
https://www.b3ta.com/questions/witness/
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: WHIMSICAL ANIMATION DUDE
And there's lots of them
Chipping Sodbury has been sticking up amusing
animations on our links board for a while, but
as they're often about 6 seconds long we've
never linked them but we've just realised we
can link the channel. Doh. Check them out as
they're charming and funny.
https://www.instagram.com/garrattwilliam/
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Lennon - Slytherin
Paul - Gryffindor
George - Ravenclaw
Ringo - Hufflepuff
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: ED ZITRON = PUBLIC RELATIONS
Sponsored Patreon
Ed does PR stuff and if you want some PR then
ED is your guy. Everybody loves PR right?
https://www.edzitron.com/
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: HEADLINES OF THE WEEK
Sentences from the world's finest journalists
* "Olympic gold medallist who hired dog sitter
with app comes home to find her with shirtless
men, lube and a video camera" (Daily Mirror)
* "Girl, four, hurt by Gruffalo at country
park" (Hereford Times)
* "Police hunt 'abusive and hostile' paraglider
after two-year reign of terror on Sussex
seaside town" (Portsmouth News)
Compiled by a man called Scaryduck.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07GL8ZDL...
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: SOCIAL MEDIA BLOCKER
Fuck off twitter and do some work
Wgmyers writes, "Spend less time on social
media with anti-social, my new Firefox plugin:
Core features: a snooze button that gives you
ten minutes to faff about scrolling and
clicking, then blocks you again and disables
itself for the next hour; also a weekly
schedule, so you can auto-unblock at lunchtime,
weekends, Thursdays, etc." Good stuff and now
we need one for Chrome.
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-GB/firefox/addon/ant...
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Come and join us on Mastodon. We've made a
special B3ta instance and @Ashens, @TheWeebl and
@mattround have joined.
https://b3ta.social/invite/ryRFwGtL
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: WEIRD MUSIC LOOPS
Indulge your newsletter editor ok?
Your newsletter editor spent some time earlier
this year making loops of well known music
going in and out of sync and listening to them
in the gym. "Find it clears my mind a bit from
all the screens & endless information. Space
out to the loop and follow a train of thought."
he writes.
https://soundcloud.com/robmanuel/sets/gym-core-wei...
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
British Computer games
Here's the best images from last week:
* "DALEY! I'M BLIND MAN!" by HappyToast
http://b3ta.com/board/11264246
* "LAST ONE" by Dick Wonder
http://b3ta.com/board/11264363
* "WHAT A GAY DAY!" by monkeon.
http://b3ta.com/board/11264315
* See all the other images from the 'British
Computer games' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/britishcomputergames/pop...
>> This week: Wrong Plurals - Films <<
We're putting the wrong plurals on films this
week, change multiples to singles and vice
versa. So give us your Jaw, your Schindler's
Lists and your Alfred Hitchcock's The Bird.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/wrongpluralfilms/popular...
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: HOW TO GET YOUR STUFF IN THIS NEWSLETTER
Simple really, post on /links/
All you have to do is post your thingie-bob on
our links board and if the community and or the
site editors like it then you'll appear here.
Go on, join in, but don't post and run, hang
around and chat a bit else the regulars get
arsey.
http://b3ta.com/links/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
* RUSSIAN ROULETTE GAME - Delay Tactics writes,
""RussianRoulette.io is an addictive and
surprisingly strategic browser based
multiplayer Russian Roulette game that sees you
gambling with your life to earn cash."
http://www.russianroulette.io/
* TOY CAR RESTORATION VIDEOS - why is this
newsletter late? We've just realised there's
videos of people restoring Matchbox toy cars on
YouTube and it's the most mellow thing ever, so
satisfying seeing a crappy old toy being
lovingly returned to almost new. Seriously.
This stuff is therapy. It's like that bit in
Toy Story 2 where the toy restorer fixes Woody.
Perfection. And we've literally spent all
weekend watching this stuff.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* HACKING STORY - There's something appealing
about little bots stepping into save each other
from this story of mid 1970s computing.
https://www.cs.utah.edu/~elb/folklore/xerox.txt
* IAN CURTIS RIDES A ROLLERCOASTER - old but
gold funny, who can resist this gag?
http://b3ta.com/links/1496803
* THE BEST BAD TRANSLATION MENU YOU'LL EVER
READ - cheese with cheese please and a side
order of thickness knits.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DlYjucqX0AAWBV4.jpg
* BADGERS VS DOCTOR WHO - "Remember that
#Badgers song?", tweets @reverend61a, "The one
by Jonti Picking, also known as @TheWeebl?
According to a questionable internet source,
it's 15 years old. And thus I've marked the
occasion by marrying it with an obvious
#DoctorWho story. Hail Pertwee!"
https://youtu.be/BgG9a1ATVrM
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I asked my friend why she was dating a homeless
man who looked like Elvis. She replied: "I'm
courting a tramp, I can't walk out" (Smash Monkey)
https://www.b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenaj...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some cheap ideas to get you inspired
* SCHOOL BULLY BOT - randomly reply to people
called Annie and ask if they're ok? Tell people
called Andy that they "kissed the girls and
made them cry"
* ALEXA FUCK UPS - There needs to be
compilation of all the artist names that Alexa
gets slightly wrong. Apparently we're currently
listening to Eight Hundred And Eight State.
* AN OFF SWITCH FOR CHILDREN - ok this was a
Douglas Adams joke but blimey he had a point
didn't he?
Send us your bollocks:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: CREDIT TO THE NATION
@AndiTails, How To Steal Stuff by Rob Manuel,
Suggestions by Monkeon and Matt Round, site
support from Happy Toast & Wil & Kris. Proofing
from tuqueboy. Subjlols via Graham Coxon out of
Blur.
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: PATREON THANKS
They bought ads: EdZitron & HebTroCo.
*THEY BOUGHT CAPS AND ASTERISKS!* *STOOBERT*,
*JOSH MCMILLAN*, *AARON HOLMES*, *TOM JENKINS
BATES*, *JON GRANT*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
*TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL DONNELLY*,
*KATE*, *JAMES PETTS*, *STEWART NOLAN*, *MARK
MCCREADIE*, *ALEX MORRIS*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*
THEY BOUGHT CAPS: GEORGE STEPHENSON, NAT KING
COLESLAW, ANDREW WREN, JAMES CRONIN, ALISTAIR ,
IAN SHEEN, NEIL HEPBURN, MARK ADAMSON, ANDREW
FLEMMING, ALAN CHARLTON, SPAZZCAPTAIN , WENDY
GOODE, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, CHRIS BLAKENEY,
BEVAN JOHNSON, CRISS MORENO, JO APPS, CHRIS
LOCKE, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, GREG MCGOWAN,
RICHARD BARCLAY, PATRICK CATES, 24-7 DEATH, TOM
WRIGHT, JON BINSTEAD, SIMON NICHOLLS, CHRIS
CARLINE, BRIAN EELES, MICHAEL TRINDER
They bought a mention: Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan,
lee burnett, Peter Cooper, Rebecca McManus, Bex
Cook, Hannah Chubb, Martin Davies, George
Preston, Chris Saunders, Mike Middleton,
Richard Matthias, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Brad
Gregory, Graham Licence, Paul Rose (Mr Biffo),
Ed Can Do, C Bond, Fergus McKay, Steve herman,
Alex Walsh Atkins, Mick Curtis, Craig Turner,
Joshua Thomasson, Dog Byte, Fearghas ,
unklefiction , Chris Gough, fourstar , Jonty
Wareing, Basel Kirmani, Montocat , Rob Affleck,
Rhys Wynne, Matt Machell, Marina de Joslin,
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Chote, Geoffrey Balme, Byron Geoffrey Farrow,
Mark Wilson, Paul Cherry, Nick Ross, Ian
Beveridge, Alex Mastin, Raul Arreola, Faith H.
Martin, Tim Williams, David King, Jaymie
Thomas, Sam Russell, David Knoll, Ben Watson,
Simon Holmes, Steve P, Gaynor Clarkson, Saleem
Ahmad, nicholas martin, Jim MacArthur, John
Hammersley, Andy Yates`, Andy Webber, Jack
Barton, David Gardiner, Adam Molloy, Simon
McDougall, Craig Tonks, Anna , Peter Gosling,
Jason Stewart, Dave Nattriss, Philip
Kinchington, Ian Boltz, Matt Drewry, Derek
ROBERTS, Robbie Lesiuk, Bertram Wooster, Adam
Inglis, James Clayton, David Harrison, Jim
Frayling, Mike Middleton, Scott S. Kramer, Joe
Simmonds, Julie Brumlik, Rob Mahon, Paul
Leader, Ivan Kelly, Jǐm McNǐven, Paul
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, Jim Halfpenny, Dave Tickle, Matthew Forman,
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Simon Cowan, Robin Whitmore, Steven Smith,
Matthew Wilkes, John Docherty, Dan Stott,
Siobhan McNally, Bill Atkinson, Starlord
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Mann, Andy Storrar, Jay Roche, Peter Willman,
Sarah Williamson, Kevin Johnston, Richard
Chamley, Tom Gleeson, Mark McGowan, Ed Cook,
Darren Stanley, Catroaster , Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Jim Woodward, Alexander Jamieson, Tom
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AC , Derek Law, David Catley, John Foster, Matt
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Hill, Joe McNally, Tom Ryan, Peter McMinn, Ryan
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OBiW4N SHiNOBi, Dominic Haigh,
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for No Reward), Nick Morgan, Rog Sharples, Ben
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Bobod , Michael Bryan, Richard Midwinter, Neil
Ives, Mark Ryan, Ben Chapman, David Bond, Ben ,
Robert Simpson, Gary Sharp, Andy Shirling,
Fenris Games, James , Jim Lucking, mark
madgwick, Ben Sugden, Russell Webster, Sham
Courtney, Louis E, Andrea Vail, Rohan , Sam
Brown, Marc Lindberg, Hugh Noble, Nigel Ford,
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Amy Oliver, Christina Freeman, Paul
Braithwaite, Tom Clark, Gregg Kuljian, Richard
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Shiel, Claire Allen, Iain M Barker, Dan Fairs,
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ben cowell-thomas, Robert Purkis, Oli , Andy
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Čolak-Antić, Adam Kaczmarek, Mike
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Richard keeling, David Ellinor, Rachel Tougas,
Ben Groom, Mr Flibble, David Parry, Emma Nicol,
Paul Bayfield, Swedemason , Jon Bounds,
Stéphane.
Thanks everyone for supporting us, and if you
don't, please consider it.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY SOCIAL MEDIA PROMO
Block / unfriend B3ta NOW!
You know the score. Here's how to ignore us on
social media.
https://b3ta.social/@b3ta
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
https://www.twitter.com/b3ta
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TOP TIP: PARENTS - While they may seem expensive
at first, family trips to Portugal in the summer
could cut a third off your Christmas expenditure.
(peterlynch)
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/
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