Hmm
Although i posted earlier, i remember my own 'accidently erotic' thing. I seem to have a thing for Chlorine. Whenever i go swimming and end up in the changing rooms after in a small cubicle, the smell of Chlorine.... well does the business on me.

I am strange indeed.

Also massive crush on Richard Hammond myself, i don't know it's odd, i just wanna cuddle him and do rude stuff haha. I think it's because he's cute and slightly too enthusiastic about stuff.

I don't get the opticians one, maybe it's just a bloke thing. All i can think is, god i hope i don't fart or burp when they're close to me :\
(lehcar_woo, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 11:31, Reply)

Sex faces...
I have a terrible habit of picturing someones sex face whilst talking to them. It's not a conscious decision to do it, it just happens. It can be quite disturbing, especially if the face in my head is a particularly gurning, teeth-gnashing extraordinaire. And some peoples are easier to imagine than others, try it, you might like it...

Also, I find my mind wandering terribly during exams. This is definately inappropriate and I have no idea why it happens. Last exam I sat, I spent at least 10 minutes staring at the paper remembering my last session of naughtytime with the boyfriend. The paper I was taking? - Italian grammar. How writing 200 words (in Italian) on the state of european vegetarianism managed to remind me of sex I'll never know.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 10:15, Reply)

I'm too simple...
...To have my own story. I'm getting a fine lob-on from reading all yours.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 10:09, Reply)

Because some people have said they get turned on by these posts...
Here's something to deal with that little problem.



This is Gordon Griggs, with Ginger Brooke and Kelly Sue. Ginger and Kelly are Realdolls, which are super-expensive sex dolls. I think the clothes and the names are courtesy of Gordon.

"We are perfect for each other. She does not Drink, Smoke, or do drugs. She can not get pregnant".

"I do not mind answering emails but I WILL NOT send anyone any nude photo's"

"I do not have any DESIRE at all for a real women now". And vice versa, I would suggest.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 9:27, Reply)

dream shag
My Wife, for a while, had a great habit of sleep-shagging (not a typo). So each morning I would wake with the feeling of having had many wet dreams, and her saying that she had a strange dream in which she is running naked along a train, which goes in and out of giant pink tunnels, while eating a banana. You get the idea.

One time, mid sleep shag, I began the slow drift to wakefulness.
Possibly the greatest feeling ever was, at the same time, having dream sex, and real sex.

Hard to explain, but it was unreal.
Also My Mrs thinks it is cute that she is my dream shag. I think it's a little un-imaginative.
(BigAndyBee, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 2:30, Reply)

In Art Technology once.
Me and my mate had both had an after school detention for bullying somebody (yes it's wrong, but I later became friends with the guy). Anyway, we had them on seperate days, and we were put in a room on our own. Now my mate Fathead is the dirtiest, grottiest wanker you're ever likely to come across. An example of this is that whilst in the cinema, he whipped out his cock and put the end of his Cornetto on it. And felt the need to show me.

Anyway, with this information in mind, a day after my detention in an Art Tech class, I told him (as a joke) that I whipped out my cock in the detention and had a crafty wank whilst the teacher was out of the room, hoping for a confession on his part. Unfortunately, behind me as I blurted this was my not unattractive teacher, who happened to hear everything, and even laugh at the tale.

Turns out he didn't have a wank as well. Fucksocks.
(Keiths Dad, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 2:13, Reply)

alone n a shed full of chickens
one brushed against me.
(wackadu, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 1:30, Reply)

Kevin Spacey
and Benicio Del Toro....
and I'm 18.
I think I have a problem
(TheOneTheyCallJimmy, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 0:26, Reply)

nyum...
spike from buffy makes me think of very dirty things.
also more recently, jake gylenhall in jarhead. there's one bit where he's sitting in a chair with his arms behind his head and that made me want to go out and find the first bloke i could get my hands on.
also, have a massive crush on a friend, went out to a pub and were waiting at the fairly busy bar, he then did two things that made me nearly fall over
1.sighed on the back of my neck, which promptly gave me goosebumps and made me distracted the whole night.
2.brushed his hand against the small of my back which wasnt covered by my top.
and now i know that he fancies me and i didnt take him home and do all manner of things to him, argh!
sorry.
(sarcasticgirl, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 23:55, Reply)

Not this, that's for sure.
www.cuprohastes.com/stories/index.htm

Dragon porn. Get it whilst it's hot.
(gmo, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 23:16, Reply)

The Accidental Boner
Desmond Tutu, a goose, need I say more?
(Dekionplexis - Led Zeppelin - Immigrant Song, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 22:52, Reply)

I get aroused at the opticians
I suppose it must be all that looking at pupils.
( Didyoumissme1, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 22:03, Reply)

being measured up for a race suit
by a rather buxom Italian lady from the kind people at Alpinstars - i had to stand in the legs apart/arms out position for ages whilst this girl measured me all over. Something tells me it wasnt the tape measure that was giving me the 'orn

oh and to all you lot who are after Richard Hammond, he's not 5'2" or whatever, hes about 5'8" - its just that Clarkson is 6'3" and James May (the grumpy git) is 6'4"
( Ralph farts in your general direction, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 21:59, Reply)

Chlamydia

(You're kidding me., Mon 6 Feb 2006, 21:29, Reply)

I am going to Hell.
I'm in a production of Jesus Christ Superstar right now. The young man who plays Our Lord And Savior is, in one scene, wearing that kind of white diaper loincloth thing that you always see Him wearing when he is about to be crucified.

As one of the priests, I help raise the cross. I can see right up that diaper thing.

Everyone thinks I am keeping my eyes riveted upon the cross to show my evil glee that my nefarious plans to assassinate Jesuchriste have come to fruition.

They are so very, very wrong.
(Alliath, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 21:19, Reply)

Well...........
I was in CCF today with my mate, who happens to be head of my section. Suddenly he is set upon by the lowering ranking NCOs(they're weirdoes) who starting to stroke him and say is name. Suddenly he blurts out "Ooo, I find this mildly erotic".
(I don't lie I change the truth o.O, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 21:07, Reply)

top gear
richard hammond even though i am 5"10 and he is about 5" and still needs a booster seat to drive the cars i just cant help it...

oh and whythebigpaws? definetly understand the mr tumnus man/goat thing!

and the harry potter bath scene

EDIT blimey i sound like a right perv
(You Love It, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 20:53, Reply)

FlatteredBaps...
You are completely wrong with Spike.

Now Willow, that's a different story, and when she cries, like in The Body, she does this little husky breathing in thing. Gets me every time.

For those who don't know, she's crying because her best friends mum has just died.

Oh, and Hugh Laurie.
(The Disillusioned Starburst, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 20:52, Reply)

this
reading what gets b3tan people moist tends to have a stimulating effect on myself...
( monkeyman, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 20:15, Reply)

getting my eyes tested
I felt extremely sexually charged when I was having my eyes tested by a beautiful lady optician - it made me go all tingly when she got really close to me to look at my pupils. what an exciting story.
(Mystery Woo Yay Boy, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 19:22, Reply)

Erm...oops
Yes to teh Caramel Bunny - although wasn't that Miriam Margolis's voice? Strange big lady.

Which leads me to my second accidental incident when watching Vicar of Dibly - I just got too engrossed in Dawn French's huges jugs! Tent poll!

edit: woo! that was my meager 200th post!
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 19:07, Reply)

Um...
I remember being incredibly turned on while reading American Psycho.

It seems reading scenes of lesbian sex followed by graphic mutilation are my cup of tea.

This scares me.

On a slightly less psychopathic note, anyone seen that video of a tasty little strumpet bathing in baileys? Mmmmmhmm
(Quantum Sheep was going to type something clever here...but...oh, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 19:00, Reply)

Also...
When did this turn into the 'general things that turn you on' thread? Since it's going that way, I'll offer my two cents:

I enjoy sexual intercourse. Having my girlfriend slide her soft, wet lips over my hard cock has also been known to give me a 'lob-on'. How inappropriate.

But maybe that's just me. Afterall, I am WACKY.
(Mr Timmels, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 18:06, Reply)

mr tumnus
oohh yeah. and prof snape (well, alan rickman again).

SPIKE FROM BUFFY makes me feel all funny. phwoargh Spike!!!!!!! nnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggg yeah baby.
His accent is so appalling that he should be ridiculous, not sexy, yet he gives me the knicker-cream every time....
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 17:14, Reply)

Not me but my brother.
He is currently 7 years old, casting my mind back a couple of years, so he would have been 5, he was watching the tweenies, like little kiddies do, and one of the girl tweenies started dancing around.
The next thing i see is my little brother panicking slightly running into the kitchen whilst pulling his trousers down shouting "mummy help its gone all big and i dont know what to do" !
Bless his little cotton socks, he was nearly in tears because he didn't understand what had happened to his willy!
The funniest part was listening to mum try and explain to a five year old that it's perfectly normal!
So there you are, my little brother used to get stiff over the tweenies!

Edit: Hammond? definately!!
( Lilith, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 17:00, Reply)

sexy half goat men
woooooooo! Mr Tumnus from Narnia. He can invite me over for tea and cake anytime.

oh the shame.
( Whythebigpaws?, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 16:51, Reply)

Marc Bolan...
Well, not Marc Bolan himself, but I remember coming over all unnecessary (so to speak) when one of my mates put on 20th century boy on the wrong (really slow) speed. Sounded so dirty...

Yep generally rough crunchy guitar sounds - got totally horny when I went to see the White Stripes, Jack is so mighty fine - and unmistakably well-endowed in those tight trousers too ;-)
(DustyMonkey, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 16:47, Reply)

In a Business Studies lesson
My teacher happens to be "quite well endowed". So there i am, copying away from the board, when i go back up to stare at the board some more... and get an eyeful of breast. Teacher then clocks onto where my eyes are, and i quickly look up in as conspicuous a way as possible.

Queue teacher looking nervously aroused all lesson and not looking at me - queue me in toilet for five minutes...
( bloojam Is back(ish) in bl3ck, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 16:29, Reply)

The Reaper.
Thanks for the offer - I promise to be gentle and clean the cello after usage.
(DrTugnut, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 16:24, Reply)