Racing Driver
I once knew a boy who was obsessed with cars, he'd spend endless hours tinkering around with Corgi's whilst the other little boys were outside setting fires, terrorising pensioners and playing football. At the age of 8 his dad got him a go-kart and my did he love that thing, he'd race around the estate like OJ down the freeway.

He soon became the fastest young driver on the circuit, go-kart champion, then Formula 3, Le Mans, Formula 1, the British Rally Championship. You name it, this boy won it. We lost contact over the years, his a jet-set lifestyle around the world, parties in Milan, yachts in Monaco and christmas at P-Diddy's, and mine a non-stop orgy of cheap takeaways, 2 bed semi's and 2-4-1 Orange Wednesdays.

He called me last year and informed me he was to the take part in Staffordshire's premier Tractor Grand Prix, he knew I lived in the area and could I recommend a good hotel in exchange for a couple of tickets and an autograph. So I booked him a room in a rather plush 3 star Best Western and waited for the big day to arrive.

The engines roared and a dry rubbery smoke filled the air like a veil of uncertainess, they were off, the race was thrilling, my friend led from the off, as much as they tried the other drivers could not overtake him as he handled the car like a knight of yore would have handled a majestic steed. The race entered its final moments and my friend was still in front, with only an eighth of a mile left he entered the final turn, known as Grasing Corner, his back wheels came away from him and he spun 360 before coming to a stop. He revved the engine and was across the finish line, but it was to late, his late spin had cost him the podium and he had crossed the line in 6th place.

It was the first time in 15 years that he had not won a race, I met him backstage and he was devastated, he had the look of a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. I placed a hand on his shoulder and he embraced me, through his short breaths and tears of failure he told me that he just couldn't judge the turn at Grasing Corner. I looked him in the eye, he was a great driver but it was clear to me, he didn't understand the Hay-Traction.
(McJuurgensHaircut is authorised and regulated by your mum., Wed 21 Oct 2009, 9:19, Reply)