Ok here goes - ’Travelling’…

I’ve never got the compulsion some people have to constantly hoof half their wardrobe into a suitcase, then cock off on some godforsaken two-week sojourn to fuck-knows-where.

Aside from the actual ‘travelling’ part itself (does anybody actually enjoy the ‘going to the airport / waiting for cunting ages / being on the plane / waiting for cunting ages / getting to the hotel’ bit?), I find holidays on the whole to be more trouble than they’re worth.

Common reports I hear from people on their return from holiday include:

“Two weeks was tooooo long…”
“They had a McDonalds just like here…” *facepalms*
“We were ready to come home at the end of it…”
“Oooh, the prices were extortionate…”
“If you stray away from the tourist areas then it’s a right shit-tip...”
“We need a holiday to get over the holiday…” (this last one makes me want to reach for my freshly sharpened 'eye-gouger 2000')

My home is here. my family and friends are here. I know where everything is. My house has been painstakingly (and expensively) decorated and furnished to my exact preferential specifications. I love it here – why spend time somewhere else?

Don’t get me wrong – My opinion (and it is just an opinion) does not come without experience. Of course, I have holidayed, and In previous jobs I have had to travel a lot – I have spent time in some of the finest (and shittiest) hotels and restaurants, yet as far as I am concerned a bed is a bed – when I’m asleep I couldn’t give a shivering shitcake about which bed I’m sleeping in. I have covered quite a bit of this planet and I’ve never been to a place that I’ve considered it would be worth going through the gargantuan rigmarole of packing up and moving to permanently.

The world is getting smaller all the time – the ‘diversity’ is shrinking away – Most major cities across the world are pretty much the same nowadays deep down. Learning about new cultures? Hmm – again I don’t want to sound bigoted, but if anyone else has their own cultures and traditions then that’s fine with me – Am I wrong to think that they can keep them and that I’m happy with my lot, ta very much? Besides, I can always learn about them on t’interwebz if they're that interesting.

I have no argument with people who love travelling – I feel it is down to the individual and there is no right or wrong here…I’m not quite mongish enough to preach that all people who love to travel are cretins – I’m just being in keeping with the question because I personally just don’t.see.what.the.attraction.is.

Yes, our weather sucks like a rancid ringpiece, and there are places with glorious climates out there – but I’m hardly a sunbather anyway. If I get a couple of days’ worth of beer garden weather a year then I’m happy.

I’m also not a big risk taker – and I consider a holiday to be a massive and constant gamble – you don’t know until it’s too late what the hotel is going to be like – or what the food / weather / potential rapists locals are going to be like. I’m also tighter than a gnat’s clopper and would rather not jizz thousands of pounds poncing off to mumbo-jumbo land (casual racism courtesy of Blackadder) just to be potentially disappointed and substantially out of pocket.

‘Holidays’ per se – as in time away from work – well, I’m all in favour of that of course, but I choose to spend that time relaxing in familiar surroundings with my home comforts in a place where everything I require is easily available. And the poor women who starve themselves for weeks beforehand for that ‘bikini body’ only to feel totally unfulfilled when they finally get to show it off? The poor fuckers.

It’s not just the locations either – I’m pretty sure I would feel equally as uncomfortable in an Italian Villa as I would in a foam-filled nightclub in Ayai Napa.

And camping? – Don’t go there. Literally. Don’t.go.fucking.camping.

When all is said and done, I just think that there’s no place like home…and I live in Coventry for sugary fuck’s sake.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:44, 15 replies)

I agree with most of what you have to say here
apart from camping, I enjoy it, but I've detailed why that is in a response to someone else.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:57, closed)

Well written
Quite possibly one of the best posts this week!

Well done you :0)
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:03, closed)

Someone I used to work with went to Cuba
And didnt even leave the hotel complex. What was the fucking point of travelling all that way not see a vibrant, colourful country with a fascinating history?
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:08, closed)

I'm so sorry...
you live in Coventry ;)

I quite enjoy my trips away and I do away quite a lot. I have access to the airline lounges in the airports so usually get some kind of free booze or free grub or whatever.

I try to fly business when I can by paying with points which makes the journey so much easier and stay in hotel chains as often as possible, usually Intercontinental branded hotels. I find I am quite safe with those.
(scotsbloke, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:17, closed)

Arf!...

It reminds me of a story my good friend and bumchum Captain Placid once told me about when he was on a business trip and found himself in a pub in Glasgow...

He became part of a conversation that revolved around some glaswegians discussing how rough and shite their city was.

Then one of them asked CP: "Where d'yoo come from, pal?"

"Coventry" Said CP

"Oh fuck...sorry mate" The Glaswegian replied - before giving him an apologetic nod of the head.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Wed 21 Oct 2009, 15:28, closed)

That
Was without doubt one of the most well-written, most coherent, funniest rants about pretty much anything, let alone something as annoying as tourism.

*Click*
(David CopAFeel Used to be The_Elcat - Spouting crap since 1970., Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:37, closed)

Hmm
I'm quite the opposite. I love travelling. Not trekking through the jungle in some malaria-infested hell hole, but travelling to more civilised parts of the world, seeing things I couldn't see at home, and generally getting away from real life for a couple of weeks.

Never, having been away on holiday, have I thought, "I could do with going home now", even after three or four weeks. I am usually reluctant to return.

It's not because I have a dull, boring or otherwise unpleasant home life either. It's just that going places gives me a thrill. Always has done.

Each to his own.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:56, closed)

For package holidays, take your dislike of holidays x 10
horrible, horrible, horrible.

Horrible "hotel", horrible service, horrible resorts, horrible 18 year old reps who dont give a shit, horrible excursions, horrible people.

Just horrible.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:58, closed)

I've never been
on a package holiday. Despite my reply above, the idea of spending my holiday in a hotel in a resort full of other 'holidaymakers' does nothing for me.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 13:08, closed)

Really? What, really?
You don't see the point of seeing the Grand Canyon? Or going whale watching? Or walking down a mile of deserted sandy beach?

I agree that most package holidays are shit, but there are places and experiences that you'll never be able to replicate in your house!
(thefuckestuppest cheapened this, on, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 14:08, closed)

Well, that’s not really the point I was going for…

It was really a bit of a stab at the pointless stereotype that makes some people feel the need to ‘go abroad’...anywhere…as long as it’s away from here.

But while we’re on the subject…it's not that I 'don't see the point'. I’m sure the Grand Canyon is breathtaking….Awe inspiring. It could perhaps fill my soul a little bit to bear witness to it’s magnificence…

But I’m slightly ashamed to admit I would probably only feel like that for about a minute and a half. And then I’d be thinking ‘Was it worth the palava I went through and (cash I spaffed) to get there in the first place?....meh'

I know I’m a miserable shitehawk – I just have limits. I very much doubt that I’ll get to visit Mars in my lifetime either but I don’t let it depress me. It’s a similar issue – just a question of effort and logistics I suppose.

As I mentioned in the post – it's just my opinion. Each to their own and I’m not saying I’m right, I’m saying I’ve made my bed and I’ll lie in it. Perhaps when I retire, or win the lottery, then things will be different. Just not now.

In fact, when teleportation is invented I’ll be first behind Kirk & Spock in the queue.

Thank you for playing. See you on the beach.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Wed 21 Oct 2009, 14:59, closed)

I would
pay good money for a holiday to Mars
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 11:51, closed)

:)
I partly agree, but only partly.

I love exploring the history of some ancient city or whatever, sure you can sort of do that on the internet but it's not even remotely the same. It's also nice to have a change of scene and pace for a little while and escape all the stress and demands of home - but not enough on its own (I'll get to that).

Whether it's worth the cost is a good question. One holiday a year is enough, that's for sure. But you can have a lot of fun and explore interesting places without paying a fortune, if you're careful. Certainly I don't see the point of spending half your salary on it.

A holiday should NOT just be about escaping from England. Because that's for moaners, and there's plenty more to moan about abroad - the hot weather, the funny languages, the dodgy hotels... moaners think they're going to be happy, but end up returning moaning about how they were ready to come home.

I certainly don't see the point in going abroad just to sit in a hotel or bar or beach. Well, I can just about stretch to the attraction of a nice quiet, calm relaxing beach in the sun, but it's a crowded world and if there's a sunny beach out there you can guarantee it's full of people. And therefore not quiet, calm or relaxing. But to sit in a hotel or bar all the time? Come on. "Ooh, let's spend at least a month's wages travelling to the other side of the world... to sit there and do exactly the same as I could've done at home". Great.

And for goodness sake (my parents being huge culprits) the internet won't fall over without your presence. Going abroad only to spend all week finding new and more inventive ways to get access to the internet = arrrrrrgh
(Cloudane, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 21:37, closed)

You're going to the wrong places
I've been in several parts of the world where it's possible to get away from crowds on the beach, to the extent that you can't even see anyone.

And they're not necessarily places in the middle of nowhere. The Lake Michigan shore (one of my regular haunts) is a good example.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 8:37, closed)