Model Employee Material
Several years ago, one of my mates had just finished university and decided he fancied spending a few months relaxing on the dole riding the government gravy train before he got his first proper job. Now as I'm sure you know the DWP don't take too kindly to this so, after a few months, they put more and more pressure on you to at least get the odd interview and then follows up with the employers to make sure you're actually trying.

So my friend is finally coerced into getting an interview for a job he desperately doesn't want. The night before he wracks his brain trying to think of a way he can put them off employing him without making it too obvious. Finally he decides he'll tell them that he doesn't perform as well under his own initiative and thinks he works best in a supervised environment. It's perfect. It puts doubt in the mind of the interviewers and has enough management buzzwords in it to sound like someone who is at least trying but, due to nerves, might have been just a bit too honest.

So he gets to the interview and they're running through the usual questions. Eventually they ask him what his strengths are and he sells himself without going too far. They follow it up by asking him what his weaknesses are. This is it, this is the moment he's been preparing for. All he has to do is repeat his pre-prepared answer and he's home free. His life of riley continues and the tax-payer can foot the bill, nothing can possibly go wrong!

Except for the fact that instead of trotting out the line he's memorised he panics and blurts out the immortal line "I need to be watched!"

"O-okay." One of the interviewers stammers after a moment of shocked silence. "Well I think we've got all the information we need....we'll let you know."

He didn't get the job.

Or his dole money anymore.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Thu 27 Nov 2008, 20:55, Reply)