Little bastards
The first talk I ever gave. Downtrodden council employee, requested by school to give educational talk to (as I remember it) 13/14 year olds (don't get me into that Year 7 malarkey).

As the almost qualified one, but being "unaccustomed to public speaking" I decide to tag along with the experienced officer & get some experience by doing a portion of the talk.

The plan is, he will do the talk for the first (half hour) session whilst I observe, and in the second session, I will do the last 10 minutes.

Trouble was that the first session was to the top stream, who sat attentively & listened.

The second was to the numpties & the oxygen-thieves, who didn't give a shiny shite about what two tossers from the council had to say.

So I was cacking it when it came to my turn to lose the talk-virginity, and doing a fantastic impression of Michael J Fox using a masonry drill. I suppose my big mistake was to pick up the soft toy I was using as an example by its straggly hair rather than by the body.

The bouncy little bastard in the front row who stood up & shouted

"MISS, MISS LOOK! THE TOY! IT'S FRIGHTENED! IT'S SHAKING"

well that little shite finished me off on my debut, the boards were held up on the sideline & my number was being paraded before the crowd.

Strange that I now do it for a living, though not in front of 13 year old little shites. It's akin to the shy girl at school becoming the town slapper.
(Worthless wishes he had the brains of a pigeon, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 21:57, Reply)