Foot in mouth disease
Like almost everyone else, too many to mention but notables include:

My current beau (who uses this site, hi Askew!) is fucking dreadful at saying goodbye. "Love you lots! Goodnight! Sleep well! Bye! Love you!" etc for a good half hour or so. We have a long-distance relationship so while this is fine when we're snuggled up together it's a total fucking pain in the arse when you're on the phone and on gchat at the same time. Most of the time, I'm dying for a piss or a bong hit while he's professing his undying love and longing. Naturally, after 2+ years things become a little predictable and automatic.

Which is why I have ended long boring phone calls to BT call centres, work, my dad and most excruciatingly, my ex-husband with the words "Yeah, got to go. Bye! Love you loads!"

And now every call to my ex ends with him saying "Bye, love you loads hunnybunny! Kiss kiss mwah! MWAH! Snugglies!"

And in the same line as someone else in this QOTW, I once bounded into the living room to tell my mum and her friends the following joke:

What's the best thing about cowboys over the age of 50?
They only fire blanks!

See? See? It's funny because Clint Eastwood is really old and an actor and so his gun only fires blanks and won't kill you!

I was 11. My mum and her friends weren't. Her friends laughed, she did that small smile, that Myra Hindley smile that congeals your blood and gives you The Fear. I made an oopsie, didn't I?

I'm still alive, though. Limbless, but alive. Thankfully, I can type with my nose.
(posthumous mince is tiptoeing through the tulips, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 1:16, Reply)