Not having the emotional strength
to get into one of the (many) drunken and/or romantic embarrassing stories of my life; I will instead tell you probably my most cringe-worthy but downright sober moment.

Back in 6th form I'd emerged from that frizzy-haired, awkward cuss stage of my entire primary/secondary school days, and actually had a grand time the whole 2 years (more socially than academically of course).

Anyway in my last year I - for some reason - volunteered to help a bunch of people in my year who were putting on a Christmas assembly/play thing for the secondary school kids (6th form was on a different site). Easy, thinks I; I'll just be a silent extra in the background or something.

Oh how wrong I was. The whole thing you see was a shambolic car crash that could have been better organised if left in the hands of a group of Haribo infused 4 year olds. The entire thing was constructed in about 15 minutes and there was no time for rehearsals. For the opening number the music teacher had fucked right off so muggins here has to sight read a piece of music that I’d never seen before. I barely got away with it.

The worst part however, was a bizarre little interlude number where the girls were meant to do a dance on stage to some horrible Christmas number. I knew they hadn't really practised, but I didn't care as I was uninvolved. Or so I thought. Somehow I get shoved on stage by one of the teachers who is helping out and lo to my horror as the curtain opens, I realise that this is not some nightmare and that I really am stood in front of a hundred slack jawed, evil eyed 15 year olds who look like they want to put a credit card in my mouth and cut the corners, and I have to improvise a dance to Jingle bell bloody rock or something.

I decide, through the dread, to go for it and I try to link arms with my friends to do some sort of jig (I'm sinking into my chair right now) but then realise to my utter horror that they're all LEAVING the stage while I stand there like a pillock, mutter an apology and run off. The whores!

The best part of this story? My friend, in the audience with his video camera.

AGGH! It makes me die a little inside every time. The moral of this story is to never volunteer or be nice. Ever.
(Eldoofus, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 19:03, Reply)