Oh dear god.
I thought I had exhausted all my storied for the week, but the sight of the word Labia a few posts down just made me think of another one.

At about 12 or 13 I had a crush on my friends older sister. About the same time, a friends older brother had just come into the possession of a lot of porn, which he was happy to share liberally with us.

I'm perusing the letters page of some copy of Mayfair or somesuch when I get the bright idea to try to write a letter in that vein about myself and my unrequited crush.

I duly did. I was quite pleased with it.

I read it back to myself. Then knocked out a quick one.

And then I was struck by this feeling of guilt and panic. What the hell was I going to do with the letter? I was certain someone would find it if I put it in the bin,

I was struck by inspiration.

In my room was a homemade desk, it had three floor tiles on top, glued to the wooden surface. If I could prise one up, I could slide the letter under the tile and place the tile back and no one would be any the wiser.

Foolproof, right?

Well, it would have been, had I thought to glue, or at least blu-tak the tile back in place.

But no, I wasn't THAT smart.

For nights I'd do my homework at the desk, with one tile sliding out all the time.

Until the day I came home from school and my Mum said, 'I noticed the tile on your desk had come lose, so I got Dad to stick it back down'

And the cold sweats started.

Had he found it? Had he found my work of teenage porn that contained phrases like 'shivering quim' and 'lick your lovely labia' and 'furiously finger your fanny'?

Of course he fucking had.

He came in later that night, handed it to me. Said 'I never want to find anything like that again. Just be glad I didn't tell your Mum' and walked out again.

If that was the end of the matter, that would be bad enough.

But did I then decide to tear it into little pieces and throw it away, putting the whole sorry episode behind us?

Or did I decide that I'd hide it in the pages of the magazine under my bed?

Which I then promptly took back to the friends brother who had lent it to me?

Guess.

I don't even want to talk about the consequences.

*shudder*
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:30, 6 replies)

I did something similar....
and again got told by my dad "Its a good thing your mum didn't find it."
A few weeks later I indulged in a very similar story, and got told by my mum "Its a good thing your dad didn't find it."

Being an adult myself (not sure 'grown-up' would be the right word) I suspect they probably passed the info on to each other anyway.
(paof2 Nude might not be rude, but rude could be nude..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:33, closed)

And laughed about it, too.

( Moey, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:39, closed)

Perhaps
they were perusing it during a session?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:32, closed)

and
my cringing just got worse.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:44, closed)

You had me at 'shivering quim'
*click*
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:24, closed)

Did he mean that you had to stop writing stuff like that, or that you should find a better hiding place?

And what were the consequences? Tell tell tell!
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:03, closed)