A friend of mine
was lying in bed lazily with his new girlfriend one warm Sunday morning while she read the papers.

Sleepily, he rolls slightly over, forgetting that he's not alone for a moment.

"Blarrrrrrt-_Parp!"

Oh dear. With a start he becomes fully awake. Not only has he forgotten himself and farted, the sudden change in pitch was very worrisome indeed.

During the awkward silence that ensued, Phil - ahem, my friend shuffled slightly and his fears were confirmed by a slightly warm and damp sensation in the seat of his pants. Stealthily, he slightly opened one of his eyes to check his girlfriend's reaction.

Other than a wrinkling of her nose, his girlfriend remained stoically unmoved and turns the page of her Sunday Times supplement. Her delicate femininity seemed to be rising above the fetid fumes if you will.

My friend reflected on his predicament. If he got up to deal with the leakage immediately it would be obvious that he'd just sharted. He decided instead to continue to pretend to be asleep for five minutes before appearing to wake up and head to the bathroom, whereupon he'd deal with the situation.

Thirty more seconds of painful silence passed.

"I've gotten away with it" thought my friend "I've gotten away with it".

Whereupon the silence was finally broken by his girlfriend.

"Are you going to get up and wipe that or what?"
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 4 Dec 2008, 12:46, 10 replies)

brilliant...
Please inform your better half that this week's qotw has been a belter that I don't want to end yet...

for reasons like this post.

*cur-lick*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 4 Dec 2008, 12:50, closed)

I will pass on your thanks to chickenlady
in my special way.

*warms hands and leers*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 4 Dec 2008, 12:51, closed)

Excellent.
Not for the first time this week I've found myself going through a series of snorts, fake coughs and shoulder shuddering as I try to disguise my laughter from the rest of the office.

*presses the shattered remains of his click button*
( Moey, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 12:56, closed)

That women is a saint.
.
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 12:58, closed)

Yes she is
They're no longer a couple, but she put up with a lot.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 4 Dec 2008, 13:00, closed)

Ooo! sorry.
I thought it was another women you were talking about that it may or may not be : )
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 13:12, closed)

Ah no
it's not a certain feathery one.

I can assure you that the miscreant arse starring in this tale doesn't belong to me.

His new girlfriend - and latterly his wife does read qotw from time to time.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 4 Dec 2008, 13:15, closed)

Yeah - He's right - I can vouch for him...

btw, PJM...

thanks for changing my name for the post

;)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 4 Dec 2008, 13:17, closed)

I like
the word 'sharted'. It's now in my special lexicon.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 13:38, closed)

Before I found B3ta I never knew so many people had trouble controlling their bowels. Why are so many grown adults shitting themselves?
(Musuko, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 13:45, closed)