Marmalade the luckless duck
Mrs Spimf has alwasy been a bit of a Doolittle if not a slightly shortsighted version when it comes to 'stricken animals' at the side of the road. We live in the sticks so to be fair there are quite a few to be found. However the amount of times she has insisted we stop to help 'the poor little puppy' at the side of the road has caused a fair few arguments - not that i wouldn't wish to help but more because these flailing creatures tend on closer inspection to be discarded bin liners. On one occasion we stopped for another 'puppy' only to discover it was in fact a fairly large duck with a broken wing. We contacted the local vets who suggested we bring it along - this was particularly irksome as we were on route to get a takeaway rent a movie and settle in for a night of beer and TV. So we take the poor terrified creature along to said vets who pops it on the table. Mrs Spimf immediately pledges to pay for all treatment required to 'save its poor wee life'. The vet tells us that as its a wild animal and clearly stressed and probably in pain it would be kinder to put the animal down humanely. Just as he approached with the lethal injection the duck went into a huge spasm then conked out - dead as a fucked duck. We all looked at each other then the vet checks for a heartbeat and confirms it is indeed an ex duck. At this point i asked what would happen to the duck - the vet assured us it would be disposed of properly which to me seemed a shame. So we took the hapless duck home. I plucked it and removed the innards - generously coated the skin with marmalade and roasted the fucker. It was honstly the best duck i have ever eaten. Fair play to Mrs Spimf she tucked in too but ever since has reminisced about the sad demise of poor 'Marmalade the Duck'. Daft bint.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 5 Mar 2008, 13:52, 4 replies)

I've never eaten roadkill
but you've put me in the mood for a bit of duck now.

*makes note to self to drive recklessly past loch on way home*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 5 Mar 2008, 13:54, closed)

something like that happened to me
But they have but a "Warning - school crossing" sign up now.

Big click!
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Wed 5 Mar 2008, 14:24, closed)

waste not want not
heres a click i found on the A1079 earlier
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 5 Mar 2008, 19:41, closed)

I would be the most shit hunter ever
I can't eat anything I saw alive earlier. I can't even eat fish I've caught, and they're animated vegetables.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 4:53, closed)