Barely on topic
But I need to ramble at some strangers on t'interwebs. Please skip over if you're looking for funnies.

I am 22 years old and this week I found out that the reason I have been ill for most of this month is most likely to be ulcerative colitis, trip to hopsital for camera-up-bum-oscopy and appointments with consultant and therefore definite diagnosis pending. Until then I am not allowed any alcohol at all. It's my 23rd birthday in 2 and a half weeks. So this week's QOTW has got me thinking - the doc has said that if it is colitis once it's under control I may be allowed the occasional glass of wine without mishap but large amounts or beer is likely to cause problems. The ultimate conclusion being, if I ever have children, they may never see me drunk, because I may never get drunk again. Tenuous link explained :P

Oddly, I'm actually kind of relieved. Everyone I know keeps looking at me and talking in hushed sensitive tones about it if it comes up but to be quite honest it'll be nice to have a reason for the symptoms I've been suffering from some time now. Yes, it's lifelong and I'll be ill with flare-ups occasionally but as long as I behave and take my medicine those should be few and far between. It could be worse, after all, diabetes is lifelong and that involves very careful management and learning to inject yourself and when mismanaged can be life threatening. At least colitis just means taking a few pills every day for the rest of my life and the worst it should ever be is the odd day or two chained to the toilet, which let's face it, most of us end up with over our lives anyway.

But still... I'm not really sad, and I certainly don't feel sorry for myself, mainly because I think it would be selfish of me to. At the same time it's a little daunting though and I am scared. I've heard horrible things about colonoscopies and the idea of having to take tablets to give me diarrhoea so soon after I've *finally* managed to stop having diarrhoea isn't pleasant, even if it is only for a day. I also don't like the idea of being dependent on medication and presumably semi-regular appointments with various doctors, especially at nearly 23 - that's anything up to 60 or 70 years of dependency - 3 times as long as I've been alive already. Unless I get hit by a bus sooner, of course.

Anyway that's all my thoughts on the situation, I just needed to get them out to people who don't know me. Thanks to anyone who's read this far - you must be bored!

EDIT: Thanks to the supportive messages and people standing up for me/generally yelling at the trolls. Yes, I knew this would get flamed and be troll food, but still, I've had some good insights from some people who *don't know me* and therefore can't get emotionally involved so it was worth it.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 19:42, 28 replies)

tl;dr
Well, did read, but it was tedious as fuck, beakering, and only on topic by the very slimmest of margins.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 20:45, closed)

She did warn you.

( girlinthehole, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 20:47, closed)

What she said
I did warn you.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 20:57, closed)

Well I for one would like to thank you from rescuing this support group forum from the plague of mildly amusing silly stories that people seem to think it should be about.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 18:39, closed)

Yeah
It's a little like going to a Black-Eyed Peas concert, and then complaining that they were shit. You should've already known
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 0:41, closed)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Hoooo. Honestly. Ignore the advice. You have to read this. It's priceless. Oh boy.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 20:57, closed)

Inevitable and tedious reply is inevitable and tedious.
(anvil, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 22:57, closed)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


Priceless. Will you be my guardian angel? I'm afraid I'm not a girl. But I'm sure that's not why you suddenly jumped on your snorting white charger. Is it? No. That would be tragic.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 23:09, closed)

Shabu binge early this week eh?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 27 Feb 2011, 23:17, closed)

Inevitable and tedious reply is again a) inevitable and b) tedious.
(anvil, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 0:02, closed)

You want a laugh?
Check out the comic in his profile pic. I think the irony's pretty much lost on him. Must be a yank
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 0:24, closed)

You're a bit obsessed with that, aren't you?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 2:28, closed)

HE HAS A COMIC IN HIS PROFILE HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND!!!
Maybe a little...
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 2:40, closed)

There's certainly one person here who doesn't understand that comic.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 8:07, closed)

So what you're saying is...
You don't understand the comic, but you just thought it looked pretty?

I see
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 13:14, closed)

I mean...
"Remember the people you're talking to online are actually real-life people, not just words on a screen" isn't that hard a message to work out. Why post it if you don't understand it?

TELL ME - MY OBSESSION NEEDS FEEDING!!!!
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 13:18, closed)

No. I'm saying that you don't understand the comic.
But feel free to obsess about it.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 14:37, closed)

So you can't tell when someone's being facetious either?
Are you an Autism, sir?
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 15:33, closed)

Facetious? Hoho.
As a bare minimum that would require that you had some slight intellectual advantage over me. And I think we both know that's never likely to be the case.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 19:07, closed)

The relative intelligence of the audience has no bearing whatsoever upon whether or not a person's banter can be regarded as 'facetious'. Besides which, failure to understand such a pedestrian term suggests that claims of overarching intellectual superiority are entirely spurious.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 22:02, closed)

Are you really going to follow me around the internet trying to get my attention?
Here ... here it is ... I am now officially giving you some attention.

→ MY ATTENTION ←

Do you feel better now?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 22:27, closed)

No, I feel sullied.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 22:57, closed)

And yet here you are again.
There's probably a word for people like you. While you've got the thesaurus open you could have a look.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 23:03, closed)

Impressive
given your lexical inadequacy, I'd presumed you'd have conceived of 'thesaurus' as some form of dinosaur.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 0:15, closed)

More midnight yelping.
We'll be sending you back to the RSPCA if you're not careful.

And I'm unlikely to take English lessons from somebody who can't spell "uniformly".
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 7:36, closed)

You've been hanging round this post like a fly on shit
Replying to every one who even mentions you. It's a little bit sad to be honest.

You don't need to give him your attention - we've had it all along.

Watch - you'll even reply to this one

*waits*
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 0:54, closed)

And people say the art of rhetoric is dead.
You're like a fabulous hybrid of Socrates and Sam Clemens.

Since you're clearly as much of a linguistic athlete as that other puppydog, perhaps we should break it down into nice simple arithmetic for you?

Number of conversations you've tried to start with me: 3
Number of times you've mentioned me outside conversations with me: at least 2
Number of conversations I've started with you or times I have mentioned you outside conversation with you: 0
Amount you grasp that this is an irreverent website where people make stupid pictures and stupider conversations: less than zero
Amount I care about whoever you are or whatever your problem is: fuck all.

Quantity of lose in your current whiny noob position: two metric shitloads
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 8:10, closed)

I'm not trying to win anything sweetheart
Just the fact I'm obviously getting to you is enough

Oh, and you still don't understand the comic in your profile btw
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 0:21, closed)

Hahaha. Even more midnight mewling?
Make that 3 metric fuckloads.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 8:08, closed)

Haha
The fact you so desperately need the last word keeps me so amused.

Are you so desperate for validation? Let me guess - the misses no longer touches you in your 'special place' any more after the kids arrived? I can see why...

Oh, and trying to insult me based on the time I posted? Your trolling skills are getting weak, old man...
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 20:32, closed)

LAST WORD

(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 20:34, closed)

FOOD THREAD!!!eleven

( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 2:08, closed)

Christ. Do I have to feed all you strays at once?
Let me guess ... somebody sounded the "girl on the internet" horn?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 8:08, closed)

I take it that's a yes then? To the early shabu binge...
Either that or whom ever gave you your day-pass need a good f*king felching!
Anyway, feel free to shut the fuck up.
Anytime now.
Don't let me stop you now...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:47, closed)

BIG MAN ON THE INTERNET GRRRR
Prat.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:56, closed)

WILL YOU STOP MOCKING THIS VERY SERIOUS COUNSELLING AND SELF-HELP WEBSITE

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:54, closed)

I'm such a ruiner.
Ruin ruin ruin ruin ruin.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:06, closed)

Prat?
That the best you can muster?
You fluffty mumpet.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:49, closed)

It's more than you deserve, petal.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:56, closed)

I didn't realize I meant that little to you.
*sniff*
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 12:06, closed)

I hope you did.
Otherwise you're even thicker than you seem.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 12:38, closed)

What now?
Parp!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 13:03, closed)

Wow. That was cathartic.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:55, closed)

Ohh, yeah
baby.
Parp!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:41, closed)

Chin up

( zulu eh?, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 22:33, closed)

I found my colonoscopy quite interesting
I got to watch on a tv. They even did a dvd for my GP. (There's gotta be a rule 34 for that right?)
The "go-prep" - the stuff you have to drink to empty you out on the other hand... bum-wees for 2 days left me literally sobbing as I shat clear water over & over & over again.
I didn't like my endoscopy tho. Even if you think you're the king or queen of bj's having something shoved down your gullet like that just. ain't. right.
Hope you tummy feels better. Oh, & welcome to the world of sobriety. Fucking sucks doesn't it?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 27 Feb 2011, 23:15, closed)

Someone I worked with did his own colonoscopy
using the NDI (non-destructive inspection) boroscope, normally used for inspecting the innards of gas turbine (jet) engines. Then left a video for the next shift, starting with "You are about to embark on an incredible journey".
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 2:14, closed)

I know it's completely off topic
But this should be this weeks winner. I'm snotting laughing and everyone on the train is staring at me like I'm a mentaller. (Ok, so no change there I'll admit).
(tjn whizzing on the electric fence of life, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 7:43, closed)

It'll be fine. My dad kicked when I was young of cancer, so I got one early to be certain
Aside from the above-mentioned baby squirts leading up to this, the worst part is the air they pump into you while sending the roto-rooter snake up the poop chute. It creates the uncomfy feeling of having to blow a massive fart, but you can't cause there's a large serpent in the way.

The worst thing was having the doctor and his nurse there and all of us pretending that the doctor didn't have an apparatus up my hiney and that I wasn't nekkid from the waist down.

Warning: once they pull it out, you will fart a juicy, lubed up, nasty, violated bowel fart. Then you will have KY Jelly leaking out of your chocolate starfish for hours.

I don't drink: the body seems to stop without any assistance.
( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 2:56, closed)

jesuschristfuckmetodeath
this post has come very close to tipping me into the "shut the fuck up you self obsessed moaning fucktards" school of thought regarding qotw.

It's got nothing. It's not bizzare enough to be interesting, there's no humour or insite, it's just some person moaning about thier arserot.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:48, closed)

To be fair, it'll effect every single aspect of their life for the rest of their lives.
The link to drinking is tennious, but the effect can be devistating at first, and they're just finding solice in internet stranger that have no link to their real life.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:51, closed)

Everybody loves a bit of Jim Reeves
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:58, closed)

*insight*
C'mon, if we're going to (kinda) share names you've got to hold up your end of the bargain vis-à-vis looking like we know what the fuck we are talking about.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 12:03, closed)

Irony lulz.
Rule 36: if you want to look clever by throwing a forrin phrase into a conversation then make sure you actually know what it means and how to use it.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 12:12, closed)

Just waiting
for you to reply to your own posts.
Ohh, wait...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 12:31, closed)

I bet you tuned into 'That's Life' for the stories about children with cancer and young people dying rather than the root vegetables that resembled
..genititalia and talking dogs didn't you?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 12:34, closed)

Que?
Parp!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 13:02, closed)

It's really not the end of the world, I wrote an article about it a little while ago that I hope helps.
www.coll3ctive.co.uk/general/paulypops/living-with-crohns-disease/
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:49, closed)

Fuck off, Claire Rayner.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:57, closed)

Who's that?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 12:13, closed)

Oh gonz.
[online sadface]

The Agony Aunt of all Agony Aunts. God rest her blessed socks.

And she was one of yours if you know what I mean. You mother would be so disappointed that you don't know who she is.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 12:20, closed)

Ohhhh, is she the one who said she would haunt Camron he messes with her beloved NHS?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 12:27, closed)

That's the lady.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 12:29, closed)

Was an interesting read, shall do some more digging into Infliximab.
The long haired Major has Crohns disease and ankylosing spondylitis so shall see what the chances are of getting a treatment of that stuff if it's effective or available.
(Mensa Reject has gone out, I'll be back on, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 21:07, closed)

a mate
of mine had a colosectomy a few years ago. still waiting for the bag to be put back inside so that the bag can't be seen

he has to stay off wheat-based booze (ie beer and cider) but spirits are fine

you'll be slimmer and cooler drinking spirits anyway!
( elgordo, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:57, closed)

slimmer and cooler cirrhotic and incoherent
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 12:19, closed)

Nothing better than a nice, wheaty pint of cider.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 15:10, closed)

You could go to a support group site and vent? Or even off-topic.
I don't sit here and bitch about problems that aren't relevant to QOTW.

My opinion of the trolls is well known, but they do have a point on this one. Keep it relevant, keep it funny, keep it approximately honest!

Then we can all live happily.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 1 Mar 2011, 10:08, closed)

You horrible bully!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 10:59, closed)

PC's sputtering poohole is too an important subject for OT

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 1 Mar 2011, 12:45, closed)

PC?
I like it.


Good point, this should have been off topic but I didn't think at the time. Lesson learned.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 16:41, closed)

I have that
..about 8 years now. I still get pissed though! Stress I say is a bigger trigger. Look up Low Dose Naltrexone see if you like the sound of it. That's what I take, bloody brilliant stuff. A good trip to Amsterdam is pretty good for UC too!
( moogy boobles, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 14:59, closed)