I didn't expect the BBC...NOBODY EXPECTS THE BBC!!!
A couple of weeks ago I was skiving off at work reading the BBC website and one of the "Have your say" questions was about whether trial by jury was still a good thing. Having been called up for jury service 2 years previously I decided to post a response regarding the uneducated misfits I had the misfortune to share the experience with. This is where the fakery starts.

I like to keep my real name off the internet, So I signed in as "Robert Waverley", the pseudonym I use whenever I need one. For some reason you need to give an email address and a telephone number, so I gave an old email address and my mobile number. Job done, I ranted on about my fellow jurors who shouldn’t have been entrusted with mopping the floors, let alone deciding the fate of the defendant. Rant over, I logged out and got on with some work.

Ten minutes later my mobile rang "number withheld". Shit. I was really busy and one of the firm’s partners was in earshot. I answered.
Voice: "Hello Robert?” Shit.
Me: "Umm, yes." Shit.
Voice: "This is so-and-so at the BBC, I would like to interview you about your experience of jury duty." Double-Shit.
Me: "Well it was 2 years ago, look, I can’t really talk as I’m at work"
Voice: "Ok Robert, but I would really like to ask you some questions...do you feel that the whole system of trial by jury needs reforming?”
Me: “Ga?” At which point I can see the partner walking in my direction holding a file that he obviously wants to discuss with me.
Me: "Look, I’m sorry, but I AM at work and I have to go” I hung up just as the partner reached me. I rolled my eyes and explained it was a recruitment agency cold calling (more fakery, it’s all secrets & lies…SECRETS & LIES!).

So there you have it, the BBC wanted to interview Robert Waverley about his experience of jury service. Little did they know that there is no Keyser Soze Robert Waverley.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 11:24, 13 replies)

I was on jury duty a few years ago
I really hope I never have to go to court in front of a jury. That's all I would say on the subject.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 11:26, closed)

My thoughts exactly
All the women on the jury thought the 21 year old defendant looked like a little angel. A little angel who had drunkenly hospitalised a 61 year old taxi driver. It took 5 hours to convince them he was guilty, & he got a whole 2 years for that.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 11:42, closed)

I'm not sure
if I should discuss the details too much, but suffice to say that, if the jury breaks for it's decision an hour before lunch, they will rapidly make up their minds by lunchtime even if it means, errrrr, persuading one of the more recalcitrant members to just go with what everyone else thinks so we can go home.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 11:49, closed)

We were deadlocked all day
It got to 5pm when we would have been sequestered and surprise surprise, all of a sudden we got the 10 to 2 majority we needed.

I was disgusted with the whole thing.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 11:55, closed)

i've long thought
juries should be comprised of lawyers. there's tens of thousands of solicitors, so it wouldn't take up too much time, and at least we would understand the basic legal principles. the number of crims who get off or spend sinful sums of tax payers' money on appeals because "the judge misdirected the jury on the exact meaning of the word 'rape'"...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 12:16, closed)

I sort of agree with rswipe
We had to decide whether or not this bloke hit this other guy in self defence or whether he went too far. Now the two of them had a fight and one guy came out worse with a nasty eye injury, so a few people in the room thought that was unreasonable and so we decided it wasn't self defence. But I don't really know. How hard do you hit someone to stop them coming back at you before it becomes assault?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 12:21, closed)

I agree Miss Swipe
Now go change the system from the inside. I'll help, as soon as i've finished doing this very important thing...*picks up crossword*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 12:23, closed)

I'm glad I wasnt on that case althegeordie
my jury could barely cope with "Man repeatedly kicks OAP, OAP goes to hospital".
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 12:26, closed)

@RSwipe
How about Lawyers and professionally qualified (i.e. CEng or similar) Engineers/Scientists (the good, hard-science kind)? Widens the pool of useable people AND keeps the intelligence nice and high.
Even better, we're easy to teach if you know enough about the subject and we can spot logical fallacies a mile away.
Weighing up the evidence and picking holes in it- it's what we're paid for.

Plus, any professional geek worth his pay should know enough random trivia that he can pick up on someone using the Chewbacca defence and ignore it.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 12:51, closed)

@ The Colonel
I read that as "dreadlocked".
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 13:25, closed)

Dreadlock holiday
I dont like jury service
Oh no
I love it (not really)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 14:25, closed)

goddamit
the dreadlock holiday thing made me laugh so much my secretary wants to know what's so funny.

and she doesn't find an awful lot funny.

the only problem with other professionals is that it comes across a bit discriminatory against the plebs! being flippant, but it would be bound to piss off some leftie or another.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 14:31, closed)

althegeordie
If someone is coming at you, they get what they get. This idea that you have to somehow be sportsmanlike about self defense (true self defense) is bullshit.
(Richy_T hundreds if not thousands of dollars, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 16:31, closed)