Outlaws! Xmas! Twunts!
Xmas, for the last ten years, has involved me being dragged by MrsDoubt to the Outlaws. It's a 6-7hr drive, but thats only the beginning of the pain, I assure you, dear readers...

Tell me, what is xmas day to you? fevered tearing-of-paper present openings? Over-eating? Bond movie in the afternoon?

Well, those may be traditions in YOUR household, but not at my Outlaws, oh no.

Xmas day consists of a forced participation in their family traditions.... behold...

Decorating the tree means being regaled with the history of each and every bauble *and* the story of the wire with which each is hung.

Opening presents is done in a serene and stately manner, with each attendant being handed a present in turn. this often leads to a strange and uncomfortable moment if someone doesn't have the same number of presents as everyone else, because yours run out whilst someone else is taking *another* turn. Also, you are obliged to guess (repeatedly) what the present may be before opening it. Gah. This often means that presents are purchased on the basis of how hard they will be to guess, rather than how much they may be enjoyed!

Dinner is far from traditional (normally) as my brother-in-law and family are highly allergic to a myriad of things (for which they have my sympathy, I will add), but, really, BEEF? (albeit *good* beef, I will add) and over-eating is certainly not an option, not on those 'sensible' portion sizes! (unless you want roast parsnip. eww.)

During the cooking process there is a significant possibility that the MiL will have some kind of accident involving broken glass. *Almost* traditional.

The telly is NOT to be turned on for idle viewing. Telly is a planned activity with only the most worthy (and obscure) programs making the grade. Heaven forfend that I want to watch some 'trash', and even if I do I can garuntee that MiL will sit there and criticise it throughout. Unless of course it's what she wants to watch. Then it's 'quality viewing'.

Instead of telly, games are often the order of the day. But even here, there is an issue. Now, I am a fan of games in all their guises, not just on my PC or PS3 etc., but I love roleplaying games, board games and so on as well, but... my Outlaws are, to a man and woman, Educationalists (not teachers, mind you, oh no. Educationalists) and their specialty is...MATHS...gah. I am crap at maths. So, what kind of games do they play? Obscure, lateral thinking puzzle games with 'traditional wooden pieces' or some such nonsense, or card games with various 'house rules' they've created themselves. These games are also played to a high degree of competativeness; I've known them to play Nine Mens Morris for up to five hours. They look at me funny when I decline to play.

The evening will involve drinking, sometimes heavily, by those in attendance. I don't drink a lot myself (bad experiences in younger life destined for other QotW's methinks), and I do get bored of hearing drunken musings on how bad other peoples lives are. Xmas is meant to be cheerful, not maudlin! Damn their eyes!

Finally, sleep may take me, and xmas is over for another year. Now comes three or four days of sitting around with bugger all to do before I can get home and have some fun!

One of these days, xmas will be at MY home, and then they will all be subjected to over-eating of turkey, sensible drinking, crap on the telly constantly, a game of Talisman or such, Charades, and Guitar Hero World Tour on the PS3!

..but, I will add, I love them to bits despite them being STRANGE!

[EDIT: Not just at xmas, but at any time a car-journey is undertaken, songs must be sung. Songs they've MADE UP. When MrsDoubt was about FIVE. And then they think I'm a miserable twunt for not joining in. And they sing loudly. And Badly. Bless 'em.]
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Wed 26 Nov 2008, 14:55, 11 replies)

ugh....
just....no.
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Wed 26 Nov 2008, 15:21, closed)

I can relate to this...
Thankfully my outlaws are not quite as bad.

Now I love my Christmas dinner, I get roast turkey once a year, with all the trimmings.

But one year we went round for Christmas dinner, MIL did...

...lamb! Fucking lamb! For Christmas dinner!! I was that far from stomping out! (was nice lamb, but I have lamb loads)
(Strangechap I look normal on the outside..., Wed 26 Nov 2008, 15:27, closed)

Talisman!
I haven't played that for years.

Great game.
(Spidge New sig needed, donations gratefully accepted., Wed 26 Nov 2008, 16:07, closed)

With....
...all the addons! (original GW version FTW!)
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Wed 26 Nov 2008, 16:38, closed)

Turkey = shite
I'd take beef or lamb over turkey any time. Honestly, if turkey is that great why doesn't everyone eat it every weekend, it's not that expensive. The turkey industry is just a great big scam that relies on people falling for the idea that they *must* eat turkey because it's traditional. The one time you get the whole family round why do people insist on cooking something that's massively bland, incredibly difficult to cook properly without either drying it out, exploding it in the oven or giving everyone food poisoning, and relies entirely on trimmings to make it interesting.

Now goose on the other hand is delicious.
(flimflam_machine, Wed 26 Nov 2008, 16:09, closed)

Turkey FTW!
Turkey has to be cooked carefully to get the best out of it, and over the years I like to think I've perfected it (I still always get a turkey, but it's become a new years thing instead of xmas).

Done right it's succulent and juicy and seriously nomnomnom! 'scuse me, just wiping drool off the keyboard*.

*disclaimer: Drool may not be Turkey related.
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Wed 26 Nov 2008, 16:32, closed)

Without doing any research whatsoever
I reckon that it must be because it had to be cheap, and it had to be big enough for a whole family and extra people.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Wed 26 Nov 2008, 17:08, closed)

You, you...
Turkeyhater! Boo.

Goose is nice though.
(Strangechap I look normal on the outside..., Thu 27 Nov 2008, 11:14, closed)

Gobble
I strenuously object to being labelled a "turkeyhater". I don't hate turkey and I will happily eat and enjoy it if it's there. I just think that it is, possibly, the most overrated food in the entire world and I'm baffled by people's insistence on eating it (in preference to truly delicious beef, lamb or goose) just because it's Christmas.
(flimflam_machine, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 13:55, closed)

This year
I'll be doing my first Xmas with the Outlaws. I don't think they make much of it, apart from presents. I love biiiig family Christmases with too much food and silly games which, really, we're all too old for (Pictionary, rock on!) and I think this year I may be underwhelmed.
Love them to bits mind, I just think I'll spend most of the day reading or watching telly. :(

Have a *click* for the hope of that "one day" Xmas.
(TinyCat, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 0:08, closed)

re: talisman
Try as I might I can't get into this. I love settlers of Cataan. Best game ever...
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 11:51, closed)