bit of a confession...
we're having a baby. Wife's happy, her folks are happy, my folks are happy and our friends are happy. Our work colleagues are happy for us.

Me, I'm struggling to think of anything other than the fact we're entering a recession, my wife wants to stay home after the baby is born (her wage is so low that it would barely cover a child minder/nursery anyway) and I am going to need to find an extra £400-500 a month. I'm really wishing I could enjoy it all, but I just feel nothing but a growing sense of responsibility and dread, but I fake happiness because I want to be like the rest of our happy family...and I am sure when our kid is born that I'll forget any ideas of anything other than trying to be the best dad I can be.

Sorry it's not funny, but it's honest...
(Chad, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:55, 35 replies)

true
I can appreciate that, must be hard mate.

*Sympathy clicks*
(Spangulum nailing your mother since 1824, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:57, closed)

The Same
I went through the same thing, got two kids, wife, huge mortgage and myself and wife run a marketing/mailing company that has just had it's biggest client go into administration (we had just signed a 3 year contract).

I always try to look on the brightside, I've still got my health, my kids are healthy, and i've not yet resorted to stealing ;)
(Opanoid Look sweats dripping off them, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:59, closed)

*shakes fist at credit crunch*
In much agreement.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:00, closed)

but most importantly....
you are right, you will make it work and youll be the happiest man in the world when baby shows up.

i did put a little joke here, but it was rubbish so i deleted it.
(pogo_it, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:00, closed)

Well,
Here's to hoping it's not twins.
( Cawl, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:05, closed)

Definitely feel for you, sir.
Also: I don't do amateur psychology, but if I was in your shoes, I would like to be in a position where I could talk to the missus about my fears.

Er... But then I wouldn't actually do it because I'd be afraid it'd put the wind up her.

Gah!
(Guizmeaux, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:07, closed)

Being a dad is the best thing I have ever done


everyday my daughter makes me laugh out loud, glow with pride and feel so full of love I think I could burst and to be totally honest she also makes me loose my temper at least once ;o)

Yeh times are tough but it's all worth it for a big sloppy kiss and a "I love you Daddy"
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:09, closed)

^This
Nothing else in life is makes you as tired, frustrated, angry, depressed yet fills you with so much joy and happiness. Some days I think that my heart is litterally going to pop. It is at once the hardest yet most enjoyable thing I have ever done (got 2 of the little blighters).
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:21, closed)

No-one said life would be easy.
And you're only going through the same thing millions of other prospective fathers are experiencing.

Good luck!
( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:09, closed)

honestly..
Greets from a n00b

Was feeling exactly the same a few months ago. My first is due tomorrow.. /poop

Dont really know how I started to feel different, apart from the same old cliches, that I won't bore you with.

Oh, and the fact that my good chum who'd been winding me up for a while, found out he's having twins the other day!

There's always some fucker worse off :)

Good luck - have a click
(mrbubber buggering buggertasch, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:11, closed)

My girlfriend and I
had a chat about trying to start a family after she's had some medical stuff going on for most of her life which has only just been sorted out last year, and came to this conclusion: fuck it. Its never a good time to start a family. So we're just gonna go for it and see what happens. Congratulations! By the way, you old dog you.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:16, closed)

You get some child allowance
and other benefits in the UK so you wont be totally out of pocket. Dont become one of the system scroungers though
(Dr Zoidberg is going for a scuttle, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:27, closed)

At least
you got laid in the last 9 months. Unlike some. *cries*
(jackhiggs no longer a v!rgin as of..., Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:30, closed)

Me Too!
Our wee bundle arrived 8th December. The mrs is going back to work though even though she will actually earn the same amoutn as the nursary fees. If she stays off then she won't ever go anywhere having been off/out of the job market so we see it as an investment in her career.

Not costing us £500 a month though at the moment. T' boob juice is free!
(fivetide, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:38, closed)

On the financial side
If the baby is due after 5th April 2009 you can claim a one off £190.
Also you will get Child Benefit, £20 a week.
And you can claim tax credit if you are earning under £53000.

www.direct.gov.uk/paymentsforparents
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:40, closed)

Thanks for that
Very handy link. I know I'll love the little bleeder and have no regrets, but I just haven't been able to go "woohoo!" - thanks for all the support, though! It'll all work out and at least I earn enough to mean it's not leaving us up shit creek!
(Chad, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:58, closed)

It's natural to worry.
Comes with the territory. You've got it for the rest of your life, so enjoy it for now while it's only about money!

In the future you'll have worries about colic, vaccinations, nursery, school, exams, accidents, bullying, smoking/drinking/drugs, sex, HIV, driving, piercings/tattoos, criminal friends, mugging, boyfriends/girlfriends, gangs, cults, getting into university, staying in university, leaving unversity and getting a job, marriage, pregnancy - not necessarily in that order, even more worrying - and the rest.

If you're lucky.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 19:30, closed)

Heheh
You should write the manual.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 21:24, closed)

Click
I could have written that 2 years ago. Actually come to think of it, I could have written it yesterday. Hang in there - it's all worth it, I promise. And don't worry about nappies, they're a piece of piss.
(D1sc0 Yes sir, I can boogie., Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:40, closed)

Also poo.
And mostly green for quite some time.
(Guizmeaux, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 18:04, closed)

Don't worry,
it'll be OK. You'll be financially poorer but, as has been eloquently pointed out here, you'll be a DAD, which is about the best thing there is.

You don't need lots of fancy equipment for the baby and TBH, I wouldn't buy a thing, as people will gladly give you everything you need - cot, baby clothes, buggy, whatever you want.

If anyone offers you anything, swallow your pride and accept it.
Don't shell out unless you really have to, and even then try the Buy/Sell!

I know that won't help with the wife's loss of earnings but in the long run, a few years' frugality with your young family will be the making of you both. ;)

PS I have of course been there, done that.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 18:13, closed)

You'll do just great!
All the above things about it being wonderful and terrifying, but something you'll never want to change!

Just a thought though - behind all the joy and anticipation, are you sure she's not hiding exactly the same kind of concerns?

... Just be grateful you don't have a potential episiotomy in your near future!

_{* If you don't know, don't Google it. Trust me.}

(Penguins_Made_Me_Do_It is a dolt ... and she don't care, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 21:20, closed)

no episiotomy...
but we will 80% likely be having a C-Section birth, which means that whilst working five days a week and trying to do up the house, I'll also need to lift anythin heaver than a cup of tea and do all the driving and shopping for my wife, as she won't be insured for 6 weeks after the birth, whilst she heals. Again, I'm not saying it'll be easy for her, but it is just yet more stuff for me to worry about...

I think that it'll be fine when it happens, but whilst I have time to think about it, I'm shitting bricks...which is probably about par for the course!

Thanks for all the support, though - helps to see the sun through the clouds :-)+
(Chad, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 12:40, closed)

I wouldn't be surprised if she's feeling just as worried
A week before I had mine (yes, I was 'blessed' with twins) I sat and sobbed because I didn't want to go through with it.

Actually, come to think of it, I cried all the time when I was pregnant. I hated being pregnant and I wasn't looking forward to having them.

Take the advice above about borrowing stuff from family and friends or even pick stuff up at charity shops - babies grow so quickly that their clothes never get the chance to be worn out. That said, the supermarkets do really cheap baby and children's clothes.

It'll be fine, honestly. I wouldn't be without mine now. I'd be far, far better off financially but my life would be poorer for it.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 23:07, closed)

Chin up mate
Just keep thinking about them tax credits... :)
(Smaug rocked out with his cock out on:, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 23:53, closed)

Look at it this way...
At worst, you'll have someone who is undoubtedly compatible if you ever need an organ transplant.
Anyway, don't worry. Go for a walk and watch the inevitable parade of complete fuckwits who are pushing prams while smoking, wearing shellsuits, swearing up a treat etc etc.
You can't possibly do worse than them!
( difficultchild, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 1:32, closed)

Exactly
I went through the same stuff when faced with the imminent arrival of my kids. But I found it strangely comforting to think "If that {teenager|waster|druggie|chav|waste of oxygen} can do this and survive, I'm sure I can."
( Udderbelly A tale of four titties, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 9:34, closed)

I'm going through exactly the same at the mo,
to the point where I have to declare the big bankruptcy. I was struggling with repayments etc and on an IVA, but 2 years in the baby turned up and my wife was made redundant by her bastard ex-boss. The IVA's just cancelled before Xmas and I'm waiting to sort out the declaration with Citizen's Advice.

Initially, I was more ashamed than anything; I'd tried to avoid this from happening and was proud that I'd taken responcibility in trying to face these head on and deal with them, but since finding out this is going to happen, rather than fearing for me daughter's future etc I've come to realize that whatever happens with the banks etc I've still got me family at the end of it. Plus because I don't use credit at all the only thing that happens is that me name gets stuck in the paper once. I don't get effected in any other way, which is utterly bizarre.
No wonder there's a damn credit crunch :p
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 8:17, closed)

Me too.
We have a baby girl, 14 months old, and the worry about the future now comes with the territory. I'm sure if I wasn't worrying about money, I'd be worrying about something else.

Here's some stuff that I've learnt over the last 14 months.

1) Humour is your best ally (other than your wife!)

2) Baby poo ain't so bad, nor is the vomitting or lack of sleep.

3) eBay and FreeCycle are your friends! buy Nothing new for baby.

4) Family and friends will buy toys for your baby even on *your* birthday...

5) Be prepared to feel a little alone. There is a LOT of support for 'mother and baby'; there is bugger all for Dad. Square that jaw and be ready to be the bottom line. The buck stops with you. Do what you have to do.

6) Keep some time, no matter how small, for yourself. Shut the world out for a couple of hours each week and spend some time in your own head, alone. It will keep you sane.

7) Your new child will be the best thing EVER and will make everything worthwhile. honest. I was terrified of everything, now I am in love with life again!

If you ever want to chat, drop me a note - or any one of this myriad of lovely people here on B3ta...

...we will mock you mercilessly, which is BOUND to help! *grin*
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 11:01, closed)

Oh...do I recognise This
I know what your going through.

Different reasons but same result....

Lot's of happy faces but your own, the heavy heart, the end of the world as you know it....

I was in and out of foster care as a bairn and as such was "CERTAIN" that I'd never be a dad as I had nothing to compare it to and would be sh*ite at it as a result. All that money and responsibility..... I could never do that.... How would I cope....

I got so bad my step dad told me to get a grip and get on with it and he never interfered......

But hey that was 12 years ago....
I lived through it and absolutely love it....

You will learn what really counts and more importantly "who" really counts.....

Your in the storm (probably like me it's one of your own making).....

Learn to go with the flow on this....

It's a hell of a ride but more than worth it....
(Dark Matter All The Wonders In The World & We Invent Boredom, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 13:35, closed)

I guess...
We've all been there. There's never a 'right' time to start a family. We had our two girls over a 18 month period whilst my wife was still studying at Uni (mature student, mind you). She pretty much went straight back to studying and I just got on with the day to day baby stuff. We never had ANY money for anything but it didn't matter anyway because we were too knackered to go out anyway. As my mother always used to say " the first 18 years are the worst"
(MadBouncyDog Barking at the moon since, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 17:45, closed)

*sympathises*
Have a click on me!
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 19:19, closed)

babys
Family tax credits really help mate. If the missis is on a low wage you will probably find that they make up for her wage.
Now i know this is a cliche and before i had kids i didn't believe it either but the moment the baby is born and they show you him/her is enough to crack even my crusty old heart. At that moment you will realise that you can love someone enough to kill to keep them safe.
Don't worry about the money. Cash is transitory and you will find that you will manage.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 16:25, closed)

ahhhh
ive been through all this a couple of years ago.
girlfriend got pregnant (she told me she was on the pill and she wasnt), and i didnt know what to do. only had a partime job 3 nights a week and was pretty much a bum.

within 5 months i managed to get a fulltime job, and a flat. broke up with girlfriend last year because she was fucking someone else up in birmingham (im from brighton)...and now somehow im in full custody of my son and we live with my parents. my sons mum is a fucking joke and can only be assed to see him once a week if hes lucky.

but, best mistake ive ever made. fucking unbelievable having a little mini-me. my little ones a year and 2 months now and i cant wait till the summer so we can go play football in the park etc. :).

p.s. when i was living at my flat it was fucking hard. on my wage alone there was no way in hell i could have done it. tax credits are a life saver. they will completely sort you out, and most likely sort you out for that extra 400-500 quid.
(arse_biscuit, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 15:16, closed)

Tax Credits
Tax Credits can also pay up to 80% of childcare up to a maximum of £175 (well its really £140 as thats 80% of £175) There is a calculator on the HMRC website that can give an estimate of the amount you could be eligible to receive. Oh and you get a bit extra in the first year too.
(ladraven, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 22:51, closed)