And they say that men have dirty minds...
I had almost forgotten about this one.

Years ago I was involved with a woman who was in middle management at a mortgage company. She was a pretty good boss, from what I could see- she was fair but firm, tolerant to a point but didn't let people cross the line. She also took gifts in for her team on occasion and took them out for social gatherings.

Not long before Christmas she threw a party at her house. As I was not an official boyfriend and was therefore something of a shadow to the rest of the office, she asked me to help her out with cooking and such during her party. In exchange for some incredibly good food and some single malt scotch (and other rewards later) I agreed to be cook/server/cleaner for the night.

Her employees were all females, varying in age from early thirties to early fifties. A pretty nice group, overall. Things were quite pleasant as they feasted and drank copious amounts of wine.

After a time, though, inhibitions started to slip. (No, no one got naked or snogged or anything like that. Unfortunately.) The laughter grew louder and more raucous until I thought maybe I should check under some of them for eggs. Then the conversation started to turn raunchy.

You know, I've been around a lot of groups of drunken guys and gotten ripped with my friends on enough occasions. I've listened to them talk about women they've been with or wanted to be with, and their commentaries on the womens' attributes- the incredible boobs that this one has or the tight round butt on that one- so I have a pretty good idea of what's more or less typical guy talk.

I hid in the kitchen, washing things, and listened to the most graphic descriptions of sex I've ever experienced. They talked about their vibrators, how they used them, what their guys did that drove them wild, what they did for their guys to drive them wild... good god, it was a raging storm of flaming estrogen in there. I learned things that night that still haunt me.

Ladies, you complain about what pigs men are and how we think with our dicks, and criticize us for objectifying women. But I gotta tell you- you lot are far worse than us.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 15:45, 14 replies)

I must agree.
I read that as cliterize and not criticize.
( girlinthehole, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 15:49, closed)

Sooo.....*whistles innocently*

Tell me about some of these things they said that 'Drives them wild'...

Better yet, please gaz me the entire list - with instructions...and as you're an engineer I would also like schematic diagrams

I'm just interested, that's all

btw, *click* for the 'checking for eggs' line
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 15:52, closed)

A few things...
Going down is a big one. Women like their men to use their tongues.

The g-spot is something that is sensitive on some and not so much on others, but they like you to find out.

Kissing the back of the neck and gentle bites at the base of the neck.

Being willing to use their vibrators on them. Knowing how to do so properly is paramount- they like it used on the outside more than inside.

They like to be on top- but even more than that they like you to roll them over and take them from behind as the big finish. When they're in that position you hit the g-spot a lot.

The whole thing was quite the eye-opener, I tell you!

EDIT: oh, and I almost forgot- under the right circumstances, they really get off on taking it up the wrong 'un. Try getting a sober woman to admit to THAT!

EDIT 2: I should point out that these were things I heard this particular group say that night under the influence of much wine. May not apply everywhere.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 15:59, closed)

True. Very true.
I remember going for a lunchtime drink with a girl I work with. She spent the hour talking to the bulge in my pants (front of the trousers, not the back).

Maybe the difference was that I was incredibly proud of this, whereas I've yet to meet a woman who openly likes a man to talk to her chest???

Hmmm...
( SpankyHanky, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 15:57, closed)

Ah, the old classic Irish joke, innit?
Punchline: 'For feck's sake, Seamus - you're supposed to put a potato down the FRONT of yer swimming trunks'....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 16:17, closed)

I fucking love that joke
always have since I first heard it when I was a nipper.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 16:28, closed)

Me too
The thought of the chap strutting about by the pool, perplexed by the looks of revulsion coming from all the 'hot ladies' cracks me up to this very day.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 16:54, closed)

Haha, me too :D

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 18:19, closed)

Yeah all woman are filth
Utter utter filth. And the ones that aren't, well they aren't worth knowing.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 16:00, closed)

Try
going to the pub when there's a "ladies" darts match on - language and behaviour that would embarass a docker.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 18:27, closed)

That would be folly
as undoubtedly one would be peppered by the numerous stray darts.
(adamb, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 18:52, closed)

If you're male going into a pub during a ladies' darts competition
chances are that the darts you catch won't be strays.

Men are not welcome at such times.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 18:58, closed)

ladies darts
i play darts, tonight we play the Blue Vinney Ladies.

It will most likely be too rude to repeat and we are a load of drunken perverted c*ntheads on a regular basis.

Should be a laugh.
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Thu 26 Feb 2009, 11:12, closed)

a wise man once said*
they're all snakes with tits

*or a bitter bloke down the pub
(imallamallama looking forward to llamageddon on, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 22:34, closed)