hurted my nethers!
Now that I am typing it, it don’t seem so interesting. So I will bore you with it, instead. I got booted out by my bird, and got the council to put me into a condemned maisonette (lucky bastard!). The toilet seat was loose. I always intended to fix it, or complain to the council, but they had been so nice giving me the shit hole, I didn’t like to moan. So I didn’t fix it, and didn’t complain. I got up one morning/afternoon- sometime during daylight. Went for a tom-tit. Have you ever heard of a cantilever? I think that is the engineering principle that almost left me cock-less. I sat on the floating seat, ready to discharge from both ends. Trying to shit, and puke at the same time, I realised the puke was coming first. I tried to stand up, and as I did so, taking my weight off the seat, the said seat went down at the front, trapping my dick between it and the toilet bowl. So I tried to sit back down to take the pressure off and adjust my bits. But this just increased the pressure and the pain. So I took the weight back off the seat, only to find it didn’t help. I was stuck, dick trapped between seat and bowl. Stand up(ish), pain increased. Sit back down, pain increased. So there was I, still half-pissed, dick trapped, any movement causing pain. I eventually took the strain, and stood up sharply, releasing my member, bog seat clattering on the floor, me screaming, shit and puke everywhere. I still to this day don’t know how it happened. I’ve never been able to reproduce the situation. Mind you, I haven’t tried too hard.
(Smiling Carcass, Fri 14 Jul 2006, 23:42, Reply)