I hurt my rude bitsSpent all day with a sore bum, went to the loo to check it out and found blood in my pants. Not good. Piles? Checked in the shower and pulled a staple from my arse. Serves me right for leaving an old pencil case in my underwear drawer. BTW: On relating this story to a friend they said, "some people will do anything for a prick up their bottom."
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rob, Thu 13 Jul 2006, 22:00)
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Surf. Bum.If you've ever been surfing, you'll know that the boards come with a long piece of elastic that connects bronzed surf God to board, so that when they become separated, they don't waste hours getting back together again.
Or, in my case, connecting 'Frankie Say Relax' t-shirt and M&S swimming trunk clad usless teenager to hellish piece of wood, somewhere on a beach in Newquay. The inevitable happened as I fell off a monstrous wave, face-first into tampon-strewn water - the elastic cord did its job only too well.
TWAAANG-AAAAAARGH!
Sharpened surfboard connected with my rusty sherrif's badge at about 200 mph, causing the kind of injury that only occurs on Tom and Jerry cartoons.
"Strewth mate" said the bronzed surf God at the hire shop, "you're bleeding out your arse."
"I. Know."
"And yer trunks have split..."
Worse to come: We were on a camping holiday, and I got three days of galloping shits from my water intake.
The site toilets only had shiny white, and I had to apply eye-watering quantities of neat TCP to stop any chance of getting an arse infection. Join the dots yourself... Worst. Holiday. Ever.
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Sat 15 Jul 2006, 13:35,
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