The Work Experience Girl
She arrived in the hallowed world that is credit control. I spied this unfamiliar face from afar. She was wearing a tight v-neck sweater - ample cleavage, nipples gasping for air. "Hansdown, this is Eva" said the boss. Despite me having a good number of years on her, I flinched. I said hello and desperately tried to maintain eye contact - it was like not being allowed to lick your lips whilst eating a doughnut. Miserable fail.

"should I call you Mr Hansdown" she asked in a soft shy way. "no miss Thomas" I said reading it of her name badge. Her smile causing a minor skirmish in the trouser department.

I showed her the ropes. She was bright and chatty and thankfully wasn't at all burdensome.

Day four of her incarceration was how every working day should be. It was an unpromising start. My calculator, the ones that make the izzy-whizzy noises and prints out on mini toilet paper bust.
It had been a faithful servant but its adding days were numbered. I marched off to the stationary cupboard to fetch a state of the art replacement. What happened next was reconstructed so brilliantly in an episode of peep show some years later.

There she was, blouse that day. Pleasing. The door slammed closed. I jumped a little but she looked at me in that alone at last way. I spewed out some cringeworthy small talk. She responded by clasping my hand and bringing me towards her. This was well within my lunge territory so I lunged. Her heaving wappage pressed against my chest and it was cock stirringly brilliant. She looked at me, and I could see that this shy girl was in fact a (stationery) closet minx. She whipped my lad out with haste and chowed down on it like a goodun. Only moments later the spaff fairy waved her magic wand. And mine had been emptied.
Without hesitation she swallowed the evidence. I grinned like a loon, grabbed a calculator and returned to my desk. Shortly after I saw her stutt by like she was destined to be the CEO by next week.
For some inexplicable reason she then logged onto friends reunited. I shall always remember that day as my first experience of the internET.
(Hansdown, Tue 27 Mar 2012, 19:14, 8 replies)

tosser
(username failed moderation, Wed 28 Mar 2012, 9:03, closed)

So she was supposed to call you Miss Thomas?

(sabre-tooth monkey, Wed 28 Mar 2012, 9:14, closed)

^ This

(Mr Fudge It shouldn't be illegal to have sex with an eagle, Thu 29 Mar 2012, 8:30, closed)

Go to the corner and think about what you've done.

(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Wed 28 Mar 2012, 11:01, closed)

Dear god.

(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Wed 28 Mar 2012, 16:29, closed)

very poor indeed
0/10
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 28 Mar 2012, 20:23, closed)

Work experience is usually for 14/15 year olds isn't it?

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 29 Mar 2012, 9:52, closed)

Dobby!

( P-MONKE We're all fucked, Thu 29 Mar 2012, 11:29, closed)