It was over when..
girlfriend of 6 months rang me up and asked if i loved her. i said no.

Serves her right for asking. That'll teach her to ask difficult questions.

Darth_munki: Eggs = Ova. I'll give u that one for free.
(Mr Rabbit, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 19:02, Reply)

It was over when...
I was talking to an on/off gf of about 6 months and when she left my mate asked me who she was, i replied "thats [NAME], she's got a great ass and swallows but she's a bit of a psycho!'

Next she came swanking up and said "[MY NAME] you do realise i can lip read?"

To which I replied:

"Really? Well lip read this...Fuck off!"

That pretty much killed it
( Bamboo Steamer, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 19:01, Reply)

Need to add some humour
I knew it was going to end when I was willing to tell her that giving me a b1owjob would cure her hangover.

"Really?" she asked.
"Yeah, I read it on b3ta."

Short while later:
"It's not working."
"You're not trying hard enough. I'm beginning to feel much better, though."
( kingoffools, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 19:00, Reply)

I went to my corner shop the other day to buy some fags...
the sign said that business hours were between 9am and 5pm. It was 4pm at the time so that was when I knew it was ouvre.
( darth munki is flipping livid, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 18:58, Reply)

I was watching a plane the other day...
when I looked up and could see it right above my head I knew it was over.
( darth munki is flipping livid, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 18:53, Reply)

I was reading "Spot's first Christmas" the other day...
when it said "the end" on th last page, I knew it was over.

Pity it was so short (who's have thought the monkey was hiding in the Christmas cake).
( darth munki is flipping livid, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 18:51, Reply)

When Southgate stepped up to take England's 6th penalty in the semi-final shoot-out in Euro '96
That's when I knew it was over.
(David Fishwick Minibus Sales - notmad.co.uk, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 18:26, Reply)

Coming back from the pub,
One of my mates said "Actually me and (--insert ex's name here--) have this thing going on.

I laughed and thought he was taking the piss, and since I was very intoxicated at the time, suggested we get a pizza from the local pizza hut.

I think he had been trying to tell me for a while and in him thinking he had found the right moment, he had actually found the crappest moment possible.

We got the pizza and walked back to my house, and on the way back, he again told me that he was going out with my then girlfriend. I still thought he was trying to be funny.

The bombshell came when I got a text the next day from (--insert ex's name here--) saying how well I had taken the news about her new relationship. I then felt a bit pissed off.

I don't talk much to them anymore.
( FreudianSlap, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 18:23, Reply)

I knew it was over
but only long, long after everyone else did. Friends, acquaintances and strangers tell me that it was never on to begin with. They say it with looks of concern and apprehension. They keep their distance.

When I ask for a light they decline and very gently say that they are not in love with me.

This has me confused and worried.

I would have like to make this a story with righteous indignation and winkwinknudgenudge jokes but it seems impossible to bend it that way. I must face up to what I apparently am: a creep. To borrow an expression: a snake with tits. A short fat snake with tits. A larva with tits. Very small tits.
If I stoop any lower I can't see what I'm typinhj/
(muis, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 18:19, Reply)

8:30pm, February 14th 2005, restaurant in South London...

...girlfriend in excited voice, "Shall we give gifts now then?"
Me - "Yeah why not then. Now, before we do, I know you said not to go overboard, so mines only a little thing really."
Her - Yeah, me too"

Now I think it's important for me to point out at this point that I was already a little concerened that this relationship was not heading in the right direction, and hence had struggled when it came to buy a card and suitable gift that lunchtime. All the cards were very plain, and full of the usual lovey dovey rubbish, so I thought safer to go for the amusing option, rather than say something that wasn't true.

My gift from the g/f? Nice little gift bag, and subtle card, in which she'd penned a touching message, which amongst other things talked about how she loved being with me and how I made her happy. Inside gift bag, a lovely pair of cuff links, because I'd recently lost the pair my parents had bought me for my 21st birthday. Thoughtful and touching, she'd done well.

My gift for her? A dirty magnetic poetry kit and a card with a joke about a "man sausage" and a (traditional) question mark scribbled inside it.

I think it's fair to say that this was the moment I realised I definitely had to say something.
(Bueller, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 18:18, Reply)

Should have cut to the chase a bit quicker realy
In a similar vein as many - she was mental. But did I end it when:-

She repeatedly faked pregnancey, followed by faked miscarrige and lots of attention in her multiple hours of need (she was sterilised before I meet her).

She ruined a mates party when someone had the audacity to turn up with their new kid, post recent faked pregnancey (at least she was consistant)

Called me back from work/going out with mates/anything else, in order to save her from (non) volent ex that was going to kill her again and again.

Lied about everything, to everyone that she was in contact with in order to gain sympathy for non-existant problems.

Behaved so badly in company that my mates refused to see me if she was around.

Made half arsed attempts at topping herself 3 or 4 times.

Discharged herself fro hospital with a brain hemorage after falling over in club - without telling me that she was doing so - wondered why the nurses were giveing me dirty looks when I picked her up - and had to carry her back (literally) when she keeled over later that night.

Spent money like it was going out of fashion, but couldn't manage to drag her arse off the sofa for 2 years.

No - didn't end it then, was trying to be a Dad to her 2 kids and all that.

When after a 3 hour one sided row at 3am she said "you don't have the knackers to leave me" - well turned out that I did.

Few months later and any remaining of her mates have noticed how mad she is and binned her company - she gets hitched to a new guy several years younger - heard the other week that they've just split up, good luck to him, he got out quicker than I did.

Think her mates read this, so please pass on my obvious regard to the lady in question.
(Talst, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 18:16, Reply)

Hmph
You know it's over when you get the following on valentines day:

A card. (Unsigned. In fact, no writing at all.)
A copy of "Donald Where's Yer Troosers". On vinyl.
A bottle of Brut aftershave.

This was in 1989 or something, but still.... Fucksocks.

(I think I maybe got her a pen with "Anna" written on it... So maybe it was a mutual parting of ways....)
( bobmitch - 2 : Electric Boogaloo, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 18:08, Reply)

This is bitter, isn't it?
When your 'friend' is happy to go out with his other friend who is 'normal' and married but generally regarded as a canute, or other attached couples, over me, who is bi, eccentric, terminally single and not a twunt. At least it stops me having to deal with the fact I fancy him a bit.

When other potential friends suddenly change a plan that was going to include me, because a friend of theirs that treated me badly still can't get over the fact I finally stood up to them and takes the opportunity to badmouth me.

Yes, I do have better friends now, thanks for asking..

When the person that you were having a shag situation couldn't arrange a date with you, but mentioned more than once how they
had to make a meeting with another person the following week.

Also, when you found out they did far more with other partners than with you.

In fairness, I'm no-one's mug now. Convenient shag? You can sod off...

OK, a happier one :

I briefly worked doing data entry for a company that did cold calling selling wholesome films. I knew things were going down the pan when it emerged that the cold call list wasn't checked against the TPS (telemarketing blacklist), the list wasn't properly pruned and people were re-calling others, the boss would shout at people for standing around when there was no one to be called and the piece de resistance - when a caller phoned someone about the films and they said 'dirty films? what have you got?'.
(EssY, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:55, Reply)

I kew it was over
when i tried the "rodeo sex" position
(loquis, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:54, Reply)

employment
I've lost some jobs pretty well...I'm self employed now.


wrong moment to bellow

I worked as a special need classroom assistant with this kid called Ben, who had some bizarre combo of autism, ADHD and some other stuff. When the school was being inspected by the ofsted inspectors, I was trying to cajole Ben from the classroom to assembly - he was rather late, because he was playing with his shoelaces, and I was getting a bit miffed. I chose the exact moment the Head walked into the room with the inspectors to bellow "come ON Ben...NOW" in my best angry, violent sounding voice which can reduce a normal child to tears...


reluctant redundancy

I was quite good mates with my boss for a job in graphics. However, he took over a company in India, and slowly moved everyones jobs out there. When the UK numbers had gone down from 30 to 7 staff, and I was wandering around the office with no work to do, I took him to one side, and said "you're going to have to lay me off aren't you?" He tried to assure me that he could keep me on, and it was only when I said I didn't really mind that he admitted that he was going to have to let me go...bless.


knoblet boss

I worked as webbie for adnet.co.uk. This guy had just bought the company from a mate, and he hadn't even been on a website for about 4 years. He was however, convinced that he was a better designer than us mere professionals that he took on as soon as he bought the company.

He didn't like me much, because I wouldn't let him push me around. He initially took me on on a 3 month trial at 8k saying he'd double it after the trial. At the end of the 3 months he tried to tell me I had an attitude problem, and as a result the wage would stay the same, and he had no recollection of the promised increase anyway, and I had to be on best behaviour or go.

So I wrote him a nice letter telling him he had no idea about web desing or how to treat staff. He went purple and demanded I leave right away.


didn't see that one coming though

At one point I was desperate for work, and got a job testing electronic components for Nortel. I hated the job for it's mindless tedium, the crap double day shifts and the endless gemini FM, and I prayed for deliverance. Lo and behold, the company suddenly hit the rocks 3 weeks into my job. Along with about 4000 other people I was laid off, and I got the same redundancy package as the rest of them - 4 months pay!




there was also the sandwich board job, which I lost by accidentally smashing a pile of glasses all over the place, andthe youth work job where I couldn't speak youthworkerese, and the record shop job where I only ever played music and didn't serve anyone.....maybe I'm just a total failiure!
(teasus likes tea, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:51, Reply)

take this job and shove it
I was seconded to our sister office and being earmarked for promotion to a more senior IT position there...
It was over when the boss-man stated in a meeting that the grossly understaffed office was going to split in two, go in opposite directions, with both the bits going to separate shit-holes 90 miles from where I lived, and that the company's servers would be housed in the 'bit' I wasn't going to work at.
(36poison, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:42, Reply)

I knew my life as a blagger was over when...
I opened my GCSE history paper. It was about superpowers.

I do not have a fucking clue what superpowers are.

I do not recall (according to my friends and teacher) the entire term we spent learning about them.

I do, however, remember picking up a revision guide entitled 'Superpowers', before replacing it on my bedroom floor, thinking it was my sisters.

I do not think I did very well.
(PAMPAMPAM, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:41, Reply)

I knew it was all over when....
....she caught me and her best mate spit raosting a goat.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:40, Reply)

Chicken...
....you are me 18 months ago AICMFP.

Shag her best mate, it's the only way.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:39, Reply)

chucken
you poor thing
*hug*
chuck her, she sounds evil.

QOTW - years ago, i knew it was over when the "best friend" rang me to find out my A Level results, and on hearing them hung up on me. She never spoke to me again. they were very good, she was very bitter i think
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:29, Reply)

when...
I think I realised it was over between me and my 'girlfriend' at some vague undefined point during a 6 month period ten years ago. She wouldn't tell me that we were finished, or that it was over; hence incalculable suffering. Given that we're still officially together, I'm thinking that I should dump her, as it's been a bit long now, but I don't know where she is currently. :/
(chucken, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:22, Reply)

GCSE
I knew my GCSE in technology was all over when i fell asleep in my lesson.
In the lesson with the single scariest (scottish) teacher around.
The teacher who made one of the year 13 people-tons cry infront of us year tens after recieving a bollocking over coursework.
The teacher who woke me up by thumping the desk very, very hard and very, very close to my head. And, I tell you this, I absolutely shat myself.
The teacher who then proceeded to lay into me for half a frikkin hour about respect.
And all that while, I couldn't help but think how his face strikingly resembled a beetroot. I did become a school legend, though. But now I'm too afraid to go back to the technology department, even a year after he's gone.

Wimp? Moi?
(Gat Bandish I've got wood in my soul, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:22, Reply)

Once Again, The Fool...
Did I know after she dumped me for the 5th time? Nah

Did I know when we spent our first night a metre apart because she felt 'uncomfortable' with me near her while sleeping? Nah

When she said how much she hated her 'best friend' yet believed her over me when she accused me of cheating? Nah

When the thought of cheating on her (might aswell, since she'd accused me) made me happier then being with her? Nah

When she took the piss out of all my mates, then proceeded to try and turn them all against me? Nah

When she said she would kill a girl (one of many) who hung around with me and my friends, because I sat near her during lunch? Nah

When she complained about never going out yet every time I arranged something (well over 100's of times) She could never be bothered? Nah

When she let a guy who she had previously been 'in love with' hold her, kiss her and say "are you alright darling?" while we were having an arguement? Nah

When she wouldn't let me kiss/hug/go near her because she felt 'funny' for about 6 months? Nah

When she approached me demanding to know where I was going, who I was seeing and how far I had gone, told everyone I was gay, tried once again to turn my friends against me, got her friend to text me every 5mins saying "Your A Prick" and not letting me see her best friends boyfriend (he'd been a great mate for years, till her friend got her talons into him). Well it was already over and I told her to fuck off and never speak to me again... It felt good.

Excuses for being boring this week, it's more a rant then a humourful post. ;)
(Vikingheadache, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:21, Reply)

In a sales job I had...
...just as a stopgap, I knew it was over when the woman charged with "training" the new intake was completely stupid.

Over the first hour of my first day there:

- She informed us that she named her daughter Bailey. Why? Because it's her favourite drink.

- She pronounced "little" and "hospital" as "lickle" and "hospickle".

- When writing on the flipchart, she put heart shapes over the "i"s instead of dots. I mean, circles are bad enough, but hearts? Jesus.

- She stated - without a trace of irony - that her favourite music was Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, etc., and her favourite comedian was Peter Kay.

- She informed us that she likes to go to the "chinky" when she can't be bothered to cook.

Of course, I needed the money, so I stayed there for six weeks, during which time I had to sit on the dunces' table because my "conversion rate" was too low, and had to endure being talked to like I was a toddler by the Honey Monster-esque supervisor.
(Nardis, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:20, Reply)

Niceandwarmandhot
will you or any of your friends go out with me as you all seem well perfect!

hmm maybe to good to be true but thank you for restoring my faith in the fitter sex :)
(Keyser Soze, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:11, Reply)

I knew it was over
when I saw her ugly fat Mum with a face like a red potato and a rats nest for hair. I didn't fancy watching my girlfriend's inevitable deterioration into something similar. Eeugh.

BTW I am actually a graduate from Loughborough Uni. I got a 2.ii which makes me ace.
My friends and I used to call it Lurgerburger.
So Aaah!
(jokaah, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:10, Reply)

blimey
this all started out such fun.
this is the single most bitter QOTW ever
i have never been more afraid - you all hate me! Because I'm a lady!
we're not all bad. i'm nice. i've never stood-up, cheated or manipulated a man. and nor have any of my friends.
(except one but she's a slag)
chin up, boys!
edit: tarquins! me and my friends are a freaky bunch, unfortunately, all taken. and i just felt compelled to give you all hope. girls like the ones being described here are the ones who don't appreciate men for the entertaining sexy puzzle that they are. they don't deserve you!
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:08, Reply)

a nice meal and an inocent boy.......
ok here I am now 22 and pretty savvy, but that has not always been the case oh nooooo.

Back when I was 17 I met a girl at a party with joint friends, really quite nice, got down to the obvious snogging, and felt that I should really take her number.

so the next day I was at work and called her as soon as I could (being the love starved young 'un I was) she was actually pleased to hear from me! we arranged to meet at her parents place the following week (her parents being out of course)

so there I go all ready for something (not really knowing what tho) and I get there we sit on the couch snog a bit watch MTV, she lays on the floor saying she likes it down there ( I never twigged and should have realised then that I was being an oblivious twunt) but oh no I then feel the need to pee so go upstairs to use the lav, she follows me up making the excuse she needs to 'change' in her bedroom, I walk past the bedroom door and I don't even try to look in D'OH! the evening continues with me being extremely dull and not taking any of the, only in retrospect obvious sexual hints!

the sweet girl cooks me dinner even!

upon leaving I realise I've been very rude so go back and knock on the door, she opens it and I thank her for the meal, she slams the door in my face!

I then get a call from her and her mate at the weekend who are away camping with the scouts etc, stating very obviously that said girl was fucking some guy she had just met, I then realise it was over about 4 days too late!

I am now however much smarter and managed to con some poor lass into actually marrying this blundering homer-a-like.

Regards,

Loki.
(lokiy2j, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:06, Reply)

why yes you are.
you are being very funny.

what a funny young man you are.
( darth munki is flipping livid, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:05, Reply)