King of the Playground
In year three, yes, I must have been about 7 years young, I was baby-sitted by my brother.
It was during some holiday in autumn, and my brother protested about staying home to look after his sweet and innocent ladybird murdering bastard of a brother (being me) when he could do just as good a job at his friends house.

Stupidly, my parents agreed that being surrounded by his mates, who would have been 16, was a fantastic idea.
So we pop round to his mates, one of which grew up to be a cricketer for England (*cough* claim to fame *cough*), my parents kiss their uncorrupted son goodbye, and I am alone.

Not to leave me in the lurch, I was invited in, given a nice sausage sandwich for breakfast, and sat in the chair of honour directly in front of the TV.
"Wha' we watchin'?" I ask.

My brother produces the fabled red video (thus named as it was red in colour, not 'red' in content, that would be silly).

Try to imagine the brain activity of a child untouched by swearing, questionable morals, or even lying.

Now, imagine the most hard-core German porn you have ever seen. We're talking anal, DVDA, fisting - nothing *really* disturbing, but the 'harder' end of normal sex without getting truely-nasty-fetishy.

Finally, push the latter kicking and screaming through the first's eyeballs.
Transfixed, I sat without moving for about an hour.
Realising I was hungry, I put my sandwich to my lips, right as the blow job/money shot starts on the vid.
I suddenly wasn't very hungry.

After much bullying, a very hungry/almost ill morning and a few sleepless nights (and a partial phobia of sausages I've since kicked) I returned to school and blabbed all to my class-mates. For that week I was king of the school, the coolest kid ever to walk down it's hallways and grace my adoring fans with tales of wonderment, such as how men can 'spit' from 'down there' whilst screaming 'ja'.

Unfortunately, they stopped caring as soon as I stole the video from my brother and was caught by the staff trying to put it in the VCR before our weekly video lessons, but hey, it was good whilst it lasted.
( Pointy Head poked another hole in my anorak on, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 18:56, Reply)