Stand and deliver
I blame Adam Ant. If it wasn't for him I'd never have snuck into my older brother's room at the age of eight to read through his music magainzes to find out more about the new romantic scallywag and his entourage.

Slightly confused that I could find nothing out about Adam Ant in 'Blues & Soul' magazine, I flicked through the large pile on bro's shelf when my attention was drawn to a brightly coloured glossy with a picture of a lady is suspenders on the front.

'Oooo!" thought I, not quite sure what it was I'd stumbled across but it seemed a damn good idea to check it out. Maybe I'd find out more about the Dandy Highwayman here?

How wrong I was... All thoughts of 'Prince Charming' went the way of the dodo as I turned a page to be greeted by what was in my eight year old eyes a very beautiful lady indeed, completely in the nip.

Being the early 80s of course, the current trend for creative waxing was not en vogue. As my eyes scanned down over the stapled one's face, tanned (and no doubt rigourously airbrushed) breasts and torso I did a double take at what I first assumed to be an obliging ferret nestling in her lap. I wasn't quite sure what I'd expected to see, but it certainly wasn't what Becky at school had shown the entire junior 3rd class when she flashed the classroom for a dare.

Said lady might well have been wearing pants and would probably have had more on show, given the extent of her unfortunately gargantuan muff. I recall thinking 'how does her husband know where to put it in?'. Bless.

I wasn't quite old enough to understand the rite of onanism, but I was damn impressed. The stark contrast with the 'Becky' look means I still shudder with unease whenever I'm confronted with something which appears to have escaped from Paul Daniels' head.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:44, Reply)