Attempted wank atop a hill
....In the Dales with a group of mates for a walking / boozing weekend....

One morning we decided upon a local morning walk, including a brief scramble up a steep hill to partake in impressive countryside viewage. About half-way into the scramble I realised that I was storming into an imaginery hill-climbing lead. Then, for no reason that I have yet fathomed, I resolved to re-double my efforts in order to allow sufficient time for a cheeky wank on the top....

It was all going to plan - I had reached the summit already whilst everyone else was slowly struggling to the mid-way point. Plenty of time.

I found myself a nice little alcove in the rock which was covered with bright purple heather. The views were fabulous so it was all lined up for a terrific session of self-abuse.

Alas, the wind picked up - a cold, piercing wind. I could barely get a semi and by gosh - just look at that view! It was never going to work to be honest, so I zipped it back up at precisely the instant that my comrades appeared. Just in the nick of time, as they say.

Oh well. There's always another time
(Mean Mad Mutski, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 11:48, Reply)