Much as I love 'rebranding stories', that moribund thread had to be put out of its not inconsiderable misery.
It's the weekend, gaylords. What are you up to? It's supposed to be jolly pleasant weather in London so I'll be taking advantage of that, hopefully.

Alt: TOPICAL DISCUSSION. Minimum booze prices - surely this will do fuck all to curb our three thousand year old Northern European drinking culture? Are these people fucking stupid?

Alt alt: Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try. No people below us, above it's only sky. Now imagine me, bollock deep in your highly-appreciative dad's anus. He loves it - YOU love it. Your whole family are fucking revolting deviants. I hate you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:21, 199 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Night in tonight
Heading out tomorrow to celebrate my friends new job, recovering on Sunday.

Alt: Yes, yes they are.

Alt Alt: Christ, I fucking hate that song. Hippy prick.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:24, Reply)

no hip hip hip hip hip hippy prick.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:27, Reply)

I said a hip hop,
Hippie to the hippie,
The hip, hip a hop, and you don't stop, a rock it
To the bang bang boogie, say, up jump the boogie,
To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:28, Reply)

Oh, fuck off the pair of you

( Kroney, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:32, Reply)

K aint got no love for the sugarhill gang

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:35, Reply)

it is because they are negroid.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:36, Reply)

God, he'd never get on with most of my friends what with them being black as the ace of spades

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:42, Reply)

Hey, Montserrat Caballé, did I tell you this:
"Who put the ball in the Man U net?
Eastwood, Eastwood. Who put the ball in the Man U net? Freddy Eastwood did. Oh Freddy, Freddy, Freddy, Freddy, Freddy, Freddy Eastwood."

Not drinking again, just celebrating the long overdue return of the best player we've had in the last 10 years. Welcome back, Freddy.

What wonderful news to start the day.

OK, as you were, sorry for the interuption.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:24, Reply)

That is the last time I'll do that, I promise, but you're not burying my good news that quickly...

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Your cancer's inoperable?
That IS good news!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:26, Reply)

'Come On Superman, You Can Do It!!'

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:25, Reply)

I'm >this< close to gazzing the mods about you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:25, Reply)

"You've dialled whine, whine, whine...


...your wahmubulance is on it's way"
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Does Eastwood still live
In a caravan?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:44, Reply)

i like how you keep on using big words to sound clever
it's like reading a Russell Brand monologue, only without the success with money, women and drugs rehabilitation
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Your put-downs are improving Stewie.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:30, Reply)

put-downs turd-polishing skills
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:37, Reply)

Morning Darth, fancy some wagers on the test series?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:42, Reply)

I would have done before the Dubai series
but frankly up seems to have become down, black white, etc. Nonetheless, should be worth a giggle. I fancy a high-scoring series abounds, what say you?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:45, Reply)

I predict the scores will be all over the place.
High humidity is affecting the English team.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:48, Reply)

High humidity and a total refusal to learn from their mistakes
Is it just the two tests?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:52, Reply)

As if I would know you benny.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:55, Reply)

It is
First test starts Monday - a whole week of live text at work! My productivity will be shite - and the second, April 3rd
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:06, Reply)

OK, keep it simple.
I'll take England for the first test And a SriLanka for the second.

You can buy me my pints at Jeffstock.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:09, Reply)

I can't
But I'll agree to the bets and keep a pint tally. My attendance at JeffStock was always dependent on persuading the missus that she wants to visit her sister that weekend. Hasn't happened.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:13, Reply)

:(

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Not bad.
Unfortunately the only 'big word' in the above is 'inconsiderable' which is not exactly Will Self material, is it?

You've made yourself look even more thick than you did before. Good work, soldier-boy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:32, Reply)

using words like moribund makes you seem like an elitist prick

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:33, Reply)

Just because you had to look it up is not my fault.
Blaming someone else for your shit vocabulary just makes you look like an ignorant tosser.

Here's an idea - maybe being unpleasant about someone's bereavement will make you feel better about yourself?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:35, Reply)

nah, its just that most people don't use words like that in day-to-day conversation
so the fact that you do marks you out as a prick
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:36, Reply)

Just because you associate with fellow thickoes is again not my fault.
'Seriously fuck off you fucken prick'

Is that better for you? Do you need me to explain any of the words there, are those ones OK for you?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Seriously is more letters and more syllables than moribund
Jus' sayin'
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:41, Reply)

hello Darth, how's the training going? I've rewarded myself for my recent good work with some new Reeboks that I designed.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:46, Reply)

Not bad thank you
Did 6 miles yesterday morning and 3 miles interval training today. Interval training is a bastard.

I have a question; who are you?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:53, Reply)

Who do you think it is? it's not like I'm in disguise.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:56, Reply)

The smart money says Bobby
The interest in my training regime says Al

You're going to be annoyed regardless
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:00, Reply)

Smart money wins. I'm only interested as I dragged myself back in a few weeks ago and have kept it up, hence the preposterous new kicks.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:07, Reply)

Good on you mate
How's tricks other than that?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:08, Reply)

nope, all perfectly clear thanks you perambulent morphinomaniac

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:51, Reply)

Some people do, Stewie.
Anyway, Monty treats everone the same, whereas you change the way you talk at people after you make a judgement about their supposed interlect. This makes you a judgemental prick.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:41, Reply)

Cater to your audience, Bartles
judgemental mean

I like that you spelt "intellect" wrong to make it easier to read though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:42, Reply)

I know my spelling needs improvement,
Much as Stewie's life needs terminating.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:45, Reply)

bit harsh bartleby, i was only pointing out that you don't need to speak like a victorian gent in the 21st century

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:49, Reply)

He doesn't, He ebraces all language, and uses it as required.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:54, Reply)

ebraces? you ponderous muttonhead

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:02, Reply)

I could ninja the correction but I don't mind.
Ponderous muttonhead, well done, if a little victorian for my tastes.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:11, Reply)

stop being such a punctilious dolt

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:13, Reply)

And account deleting
Get it right
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:52, Reply)

your limited vocabulary is nothing to be proud of.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:35, Reply)

i iz ded kl tho int?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:36, Reply)

No.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:40, Reply)

Adam Ant's less.......

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:46, Reply)

Haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:50, Reply)

I hate what this place has done to me
In that I had the exact same thought as soon as I read it.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:01, Reply)

I'm going to be partly going out and doing things with people
and partly staying at home and doing nothing on my own.
( Kroney, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:33, Reply)

Which part of you is doing what?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:34, Reply)

My penis will, unfortunately, be staying home on its own

( Kroney, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:48, Reply)

A full weekend will be had chez Placid
Steak for dinner tonight YAY!
Possibly guitar shopping tomorrow (with scattered showers of rehanging pictures at my G/F's place) followed by a takeaway from the place recommended by Tangledupinblue.
Sunday will be Twang club followed by roast rib of beef.

Alt: It'll make no difference - assuming it even happens due to the immense lobbying power of the drinks industry, not to mention that of the retailers. People wil want to get ratarsed so they will get ratarsed no matter what it costs. The high price of tobacco products doesn't seem to have an effect on smokers, it's the health education that's cut the consumption, not the price. There will be a hard core of addicts no matter what, the numbers have 'troughed out' and will stay at the same rate unless there's an all-out ban. WHICH I DO NOT ADVOCATE BTW.
Alt Alt: If you can find my dad's anus you're welcome to it. The ashes thereof are probably somewhere in the Irish sea. Knock yourself out.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:35, Reply)

I'll give it my best shot.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:40, Reply)

Monty why do all the nutters hate you? Assuming Quentin isn't Bert OT's two biggest spasmoids seem to despise you.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:43, Reply)

Haters be hatin'.
Aspergers be aspin'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:44, Reply)

I love Skiing!
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:47, Reply)

Oh, you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:54, Reply)

I thought you looked the kind to give hand relief to a gentleman on each side of you

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:54, Reply)

i ain't hate no one :(((((((((((

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:53, Reply)

I ate sensibly yesterday, played football last night and did three miles' interval training this morning
and somehow I weigh MORE (albeit marginally) than I did at the same time yesterday. Explain that one, science, you cunt.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:44, Reply)

Muscle weighs more than fat.
Next question.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:44, Reply)

Can I seriously have put on THAT much muscle in 24 hours?
Nest question: favourite cheese
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:45, Reply)

Epoisses, Colston Basset Stilton, Vacherin Mont D'Or or Gorgonzola Piccante.
Now what?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:49, Reply)

Personal favourite work of Jean-Pierre Jeunet
(hint: there is a correct answer to this question. It is not a matter of opinion)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:55, Reply)

City of Lost Children
No.2: Delicatessen
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:01, Reply)

Oh dear
I agree with your No. 2, although I suspect it may be too nutty for Kroney's refined tastes
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:02, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:06, Reply)

FYI - a sufficient knowledge of the works of JPJ (as his mates know him, or as they would if he had mates and wasn't French)
to not just answer "Amelie" (which would have been right anyway) reveals you to be INTO FILM
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:09, Reply)

Never seen Amelie.
Despite being 'into cinema' in what our Gallic cousins would call a 'grand' way.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:10, Reply)

Whilst I don't want to get INTO a discussion about FILM
I strongly recommend you seek it out.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:14, Reply)

The best foreign language film I've ever seen is probably City Of God*
Sorry, just wanted to join in.

*Well, either that or Ichi The Killer, Versus, Night Watch, Kung Fu Hustle, Akira, etc
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:15, Reply)

No, you were right first time

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:16, Reply)

The nightclub scene just makes me uncomfortable

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:18, Reply)

I'd say that film was pretty damn close to perfect
Insofar as that can be said of any film
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:20, Reply)

It is fantastic

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:22, Reply)

The Killer is superb.
For some reason I've never seen Oldboy and this needs dealing with.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:23, Reply)

I didn't enjoy it hugely, but I can appreciate why others do
Have you seen City Of God?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:26, Reply)

Oldboy is one of the most flat-out upsetting films I've ever seen
It's like being smacked in the gut with a baseball bat of sadness
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:32, Reply)

i like the bit when he does it with his daughter and then finds out it was his daughter

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:33, Reply)

You utter twat

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:35, Reply)

i've never seen it

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Good, strong cheddar is rather nice
Otherwise, the garlic & nettle one they sell at the German market in Manchester
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:01, Reply)

which is the one that is covered in spicy cumin seeds?
that is to die for
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:07, Reply)

I'm not sure, but I now have to try it...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:12, Reply)

i've only ever found it at vivat bacchus in london
where they have a walk-in cheese room with a stupid amount of cheese. you choose as many as you want and they turn it into an incredible cheeseboard. i can't rave about this place enough, it's brilliant.

i was trying to google it but failed. then i found a recipe for this: Toasted Cumin and Roasted Garlic Cream Cheese with Flatbreads which is now all i can think about. and i have a litre of water and an asparagus cup-a-soup for lunch. great.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Weighing yourself daily is pointless
weigh yourself once a week, first thing in the morning, after you've had a piss and before you've had breakfast.
(berk, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:45, Reply)

Or at least at the same time of day

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:52, Reply)

It has become a bit of an obsession
I've come to the conclusion that weight loss and/or scales are not a science
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:57, Reply)

mine are horrific
firstly they are digital and cripplingly accurate. secondly if you don't jump off them quickly enough, they give you body fat as a percentage.

who needs their chips to be pissed on THAT badly, eh?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:00, Reply)

I'm clinging to the hope that mine talk bollocks
Otherwise I'm adding this to the list of things that science can't explain, alongside the stone that materialised in my running shoe this morning, headphone wires and my hair
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:04, Reply)

*yawns*
tone punk
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Why yes, I am feeling lucky

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:31, Reply)

most likely water retention
if you were sweating in the gym, your body will retain water. drink a metric fuckton of water today, your body will release the water, and you'll have lost by the weekend.

trufax.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:46, Reply)

Fucking cake retention more like

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:52, Reply)

hmmm
after an illicit dinner with one of my most favourite b3tans last night at which i shamefully consumed pizza AND ice cream AND pear vodka, i have gained 0.5lbs this morning. i am in no place to mock anybody else's cake retention!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:53, Reply)

I can fart more than that

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:56, Reply)

it has sent me into a panic!
not that i over-react.

anyway it was totally worth it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:57, Reply)

FattyFattyFattyFattyFattyFattyFattyFattyFattyFattyFatty
Be warned, if you get any more left wing, I might just have to sleep with you, and post your blog on /links.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:48, Reply)

Hahahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:50, Reply)

Golf clapping away here

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:52, Reply)

Oooh you horrible cow
This did make me laugh though. Morning mate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:56, Reply)

Morning fella

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:12, Reply)

i am going home to see mates but principally to choose a bridesmaids dress
my dad is away which means i'll be rattling around the house by myself. even with the burglar alarm on, the guard-budgie downstairs, and my bedroom door locked, i do find that a bit scary.

which is daft, given that i love living by myself in london, and the most likely thing to cause a ruckus in cheshire is a badger shagging a fox in the back garden.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:45, Reply)

Well, if you get bored, I'm only down the road!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:49, Reply)

the weird thing is
i was thinking that on the tube this morning.

this weekend i will have no car and i am quite tight with dress fitting etc (not as tight as the dress will be after last night's illicit pizza and pear vodka though) but maybe we could have a pint and see who is around over easter or something??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:51, Reply)

Certainly, let me know?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:52, Reply)

mais oui!
i was supposed to be spending good friday and easter saturday with the ex, but have been persuaded recently that this is PERHAPS an epically stupid idea, so am thinking i'll probably spend it in wilmslow instead. the week after i am spending with some friends in an amazing spa near there, so makes sense!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:56, Reply)

Ahh, very nice
Well, I'm always round here somewhere, so just let me know if you fancy meeting up
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:59, Reply)

marvellous

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:59, Reply)

this is the politest "no" I have ever seen

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:18, Reply)

you're so cynical
have you made up with dawn yet? or are you still emo-sad?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:22, Reply)

i am feeling a bit moaty today, tbh

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:23, Reply)

i've got to go reading at a deprived primary school at lunchtime
you could come with me and bring a gun if you like?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:33, Reply)

wkd

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:38, Reply)

Just reminding yourself to stop off at Morrison's for Dawn's favoured tipple later?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:45, Reply)

dunno why for all the animosity mont, i only pointed out taht you use big words to sound clever when your not

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:53, Reply)

This is the problem with kids today
to lazy to even read books
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:41, Reply)

As this post proves.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:45, Reply)

why?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:47, Reply)

'to lazy'

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:47, Reply)

piss

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Haha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Fucken reading?
Books are for fucken pricks
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:45, Reply)

last book i read was a psychological study on the harm caused by addictive personalities on parents and children from broken homes :(((

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Bet you didn't make it past the front cover.
:(((
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:06, Reply)

Dorking library has a stricht policy on people lurking and reading books

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:10, Reply)

lurking and reading books

fingering their sisters around the back of the gardening and cookery section
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:16, Reply)

This weekend is currently a blank canvas, on which to paint an Indian takeaway and lots of red wine
I like this

Alt:
Minimum booze prices are going to be fucking stupid. I will not stop people from drinking at all. Does anyone go to a pub? Funnily enough, it costs more for a pint in there than a can at home. AND STILL PEOPLE GO!11!

Alt Alt:
You'd REALLY need to wash it afterwards. My Dad can fart for England
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:51, Reply)

Calm down 'Rolf Harris'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:55, Reply)

aha hayyyyyyy aha ummmmm aha hayyyyyyyyy aha hummmmmmm
Dinkum
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:56, Reply)

Yes, I can tell what it is yet.
It's a shit drawing of Goofy, Rolf. Now fuck off, there's a dear.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:59, Reply)

*ties kangaroo down*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:11, Reply)

*lets Abos go loose*

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:13, Reply)

I saw him live at Glastonbury, twice
he was very good.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:21, Reply)

Oh God not another music reply Chompy.
FFS
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Alt: I was going to question your knowledge of the precise age of the N. European drinking culture
but you were probably there at the start. In fact it's probably your fault.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:18, Reply)

It was me. Soz 'Big Society'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Wedding lash up tomorrow
Change can only come through changes to the fundamental way a society operates, gimmicks like this are pointless.

Lennon was a cunt, but not as much of a cunt as you, you 'OC' blowing fuck puppet
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Minimum pricing will only really effect massive bottles of White Lightning.
I think there should be a tax break on pubs. And a maximum price of about £1 a unit, which would make a pint about £2.30-£2.80
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:26, Reply)

Pubs really do need a break.
'Going to the pub to get pissed' will become the preserve of the rich (like 'going to professional football matches') if they keeping on taxing them like they do.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:31, Reply)

If we gave Football clubs tax breaks they'd just pay the players and staff more.
They wouldn't reduce the ticket price.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:32, Reply)

They should make football illegal if you ask me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:35, Reply)

God No, that would make Waitrose on a Saturday EVEN WORSE!

(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Hahaha
I'll *never* be able to park in Islington again! Heavens!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:39, Reply)

I'm feeling a bit manic today.
I have no idea why. I am tumultuous.
( Kroney, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:27, Reply)

You should find a street to do some preaching on

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:28, Reply)

I think you're full of shit
which is probably why you're so excited
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:29, Reply)

This should help
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:30, Reply)

i like the small 'bullet' vibrator to the right

( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Wots wiv the fucken long wordz u prick

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:31, Reply)

Fuck off Q-bert

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:32, Reply)

I believe that my exact terminology was somewhat more intricate than that, space cadet

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:38, Reply)

Eh? Oh, I'm trying to make myself feel superior through using my larger than average vocabulary
in such a manner that it demeans those persons with an average vocabulary by subtley suggesting that they're thick.

Hope this helps.
( Kroney, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Oh, I do that as well!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:55, Reply)

Cough
this would have worked much better if you'd spelled subtly correctly...
(berk, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:06, Reply)

No, I do not beleive it wuold

( Kroney, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:08, Reply)

Alt: I think they're basically trying to price us all out of the market until only former members of the fucking Bullingdon club can afford alcohol
Serious and less cynical answer: depends how you apply it. If you can stop supermarkets and cornershops flogging "K" and "Ace" at 60p a tin, I think the hope is that people might be more inclined to go to the pub. Although, of course, for that to work, you have to make the price of a pint cheaper in-house, i.e., so the fucking chancellor doesn't take 1/3 of what you pay for the fucking thing.

Edit: On this note, I found out from our chum 'Moaty' last night that some other cunt wants to close my favourite pub. Again. The thing had only just been saved from the short-sighted cunts at Hackney council and now some other cunt wants to shut the place down. More details when he remembers to gaz me like he promised to.

Alt alt: If Lennon's lyrics had actually continued in that vein, I might not have hated the whinging scouse cunt's music quite so much...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:29, Reply)

It's more than a third now VAT is 20%
I think there should be no duty on beers less than 4% and Wine less than 12%. (within pubs)
Those aren't common in pubs but they'll start moving people to weaker drinks by them being significantly cheaper, I'd guess about 50p a pint.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:42, Reply)

CHOMPY FOR CHANCELLOR!!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Minister of mines

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Of your what?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:49, Reply)

Kampfs

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:09, Reply)

I also wouldn't lie about the stats
we're not that bad by international standards, consumption has continued to go down for the last decade.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:50, Reply)

Beer was banned in Iceland from 1915 to March 1, 1989.
Crazy!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:55, Reply)

BUT WHAT DID KERRY KATONA DRINK?!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:09, Reply)

salty warm spunk
clearly
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:19, Reply)

I'm feeling itchy
and not in a good way.

alt.alt - hahah jokes on you - i stuck a razor ring up there years ago to help him cut off turtle heads.. i expect he'll clench as soon as you get your red headed wongle up there, which will result in cock chop you cnut.
( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:33, Reply)

erm
is there a good way?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:34, Reply)

depends who has the knickname itchy

( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:36, Reply)

It's a cartoon mouse innit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:38, Reply)

I'm out in Oxford tomorrow
and I'm working on Sunday. However, I plan to spend as much time as feasible in the next 48 hours drinking outside. I may even attempt to find my sunglasses.

Alt - nice try but as if it's going to stop 'problem drinkers' drinking. There'll just be more dead tramps in alleyways having drunk themselves to death on meths because they can no longer afford white lightening.
(berk, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:54, Reply)

The problem with problem drinkers
is that it's other people that have a problem with them. They're usually quite happy being permanently shit-faced.

For an example, see Gonz's post a few days back complaining about the libertine he bumped into in a shop. Certainly, to the crowd, the man was a drunk that stank of piss and shit. To the drunk, everybody was being well mean to him when he was just trying to be friendly :(

Oddly, this example reminds me of Quinten
( Kroney, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:57, Reply)

ahhh...hhhhh! i got paid a compliment

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:58, Reply)

Innit
cf Prohibition, and the drug laws.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Exactly
prohibition, or making prohibitively expensive, has never worked.
(berk, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:05, Reply)

I'll just make my own booze if it gets so expensive that I can't afford it
I've got a few wines on the go at the moment.

I have Imagine on the Apple records vinyl pressing. Is it worth 50p? My dad is dead but as he was cremated I can't make any jokes about him being a bit ripe if you fucked him but at least you could make your own holes.
( Peej, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:57, Reply)

You'd get a dusty japs eye though.
and it'd harden like some kind of horrendous cement.
(berk, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:00, Reply)

Still worth it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:01, Reply)

surely you mean
SEMENt?
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:22, Reply)

His anus looks like a monster munch

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:10, Reply)

make your own whine?
*eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefuckthisletsgetplastered*
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:22, Reply)

This weekend
I have no plans whatsoever, I have money but nothing to do. Suggestions please.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:11, Reply)

Make a prostitute do squat thrusts for you

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:12, Reply)

send me flowers
i need cheering up

or diamonds. that might help?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:15, Reply)

I have plans but no money
we could swap?
(berk, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Design your own fusion reactor.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Get on the the train to London.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:20, Reply)

in front of

but don't forget to delete your account first
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:23, Reply)

Could do

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:35, Reply)

If you do, drop me a gaz and I'll bowl in for a pint, too.

( Kroney, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:38, Reply)

Same as every weekend?
Go to the pub, watch some football match, buy something you don't need.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:24, Reply)

You know me too well.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:33, Reply)

minimum booze prices means a more lucid class of tramp
this can only be a bad thing.
think about it.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:20, Reply)