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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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What athlete are you most like
By height and weight.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-19050139

Some Kiwi cyclist for me.

Which Olympic sport would you stand the most chance in? I'm going for archery as it's a piece of piss.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:22, 171 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Armenian weightlifter apparently.
*waits for inevitable strikethroughs*

I don't play sport. If forced to watch I drink until I fall over.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:24, Reply)
Not
www.bbc.co.uk/sport/olympics/2012/athletes/94e0eeb1-d221-47c8-ab64-4b2478b10da3

?
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:25, Reply)
This one
www.bbc.co.uk/sport/olympics/2012/athletes/4cf8df5a-c93b-49ff-8bac-0ed18c5ed9f6
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:29, Reply)
Bonjour.
How were your hols?
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:36, Reply)
Splendid thanks. Really good.
Thanks for your text at 00.30 this morning. I trust you had a satisfactory time and avoided arrest?
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:39, Reply)
I am pleased to report I am still at large.
Glad the hols were good. Mmmmm, nice break.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:42, Reply)
How was your camping trip?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:47, Reply)
Great. Apart from the sleeping in a tent bit.
Beers and wood grilled lamb! What's not to love?
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)
Blacks?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:49, Reply)
Shitting in public.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:52, Reply)
Had bogs, brah.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:54, Reply)
Being chased by wolves

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:06, Reply)
It was dreadful.
This awful man was there and he simply would not fuck off, even after I shagged his missus and curled one out on the bonnet of his car.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)
THAT'S NOT A BONNET!

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:50, Reply)
I wondered why you seemed so enraged.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:50, Reply)

ragedgorged
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:51, Reply)
That mental image is making me want to spew up my gammon lunch.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:54, Reply)
My pleasure.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:54, Reply)

www.bbc.co.uk/sport/olympics/2012/athletes/93abc0ab-9824-408a-ba52-f6c0679dacec
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:24, Reply)
Quending.
I am world champion material.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:29, Reply)
Rustam Iskandari
some wrestler, he looks like a mong version of me.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:32, Reply)
I am likely to be something Samoan or South Sea Islands.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Or Israeli.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:40, Reply)
*munichlols*

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:42, Reply)
Japanese cyclist.
Who is clearly miles fitter than me!
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:36, Reply)
Is there anyone on the list that you reckon you might be fitter than?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:59, Reply)
Nope
Not unless they've allowed some sedentary sport in?
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:09, Reply)
Karen Gallardo
Women's discus
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
Well they're one of the genders of the human race,
generally a bit too 'chatty' and 'silly' to get much done but some of them are nice to look at if you can get past that.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:40, Reply)
Oh you

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:58, Reply)
I'm a russian female shot putter apparently
we should start an internet tranny track and field team
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)
110m Girdles?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:49, Reply)
1500m knob tucked between your legs

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:02, Reply)
It puts the medal around it's neck or else it gets the hose again.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:05, Reply)
I'm most like STONE COLD James Austin.
Who does Judo, which is a bit like what that Bruce Lee does, or something.

Highly appropriate, anyway.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:39, Reply)
Did you hear about the chinese 400m swimmer?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:45, Reply)
NEITHER HAS HE!!!!!!!!

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:45, Reply)
TEAM GB highjumper!

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:44, Reply)
OH MAN I'M 'JASON STEELE' from TEAM JEE BEE!!!!
He plays 'football' apparently. He also looks like a raving woofter so it's pretty much all bad news.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:45, Reply)
Cool name though.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:46, Reply)
I think High Kingdom is more appropriate.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:47, Reply)
Some cyclist chap called Christopher Froome
www.bbc.co.uk/sport/olympics/2012/athletes/6ada1ed5-6250-4e2c-9f50-1e224b86909b

I have more hair than him though. In fact if I were as bald as him I'd probably weigh less.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:49, Reply)
Ha ha, a "worst korea" fencer sat down and cried for an hour about the result of the olympics

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:54, Reply)
possible olympic suicide?
PLACE YOUR BETS!
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:57, Reply)
I watched a bit of fencing at a local sports centre
There was one guy that really lost his rag everytime he was fake-stabbed. He swore, threw his sword on the floor, everything.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:02, Reply)
I hope they don't run in the corridors with them.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:04, Reply)
I came so close to shouting out 'Grow up mate'
But Mrs Hats insisted I didn't. So I didn't. You know how it is.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:08, Reply)
Yeah, don't heckle fencers.
Or javlin throwers.
Or boxers...
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:20, Reply)
Copping an epee in the eye is no joke

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:22, Reply)
Just put some foil on it.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:25, Reply)
Like how you put a steak on a black eye, you mean?
Yeah, that's a good idea
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:33, Reply)
Simeon Williams
He's a runner. I don't run.
Are you using this to profile data on users of /ot for nefarious means?
You monster.

I would like to do the shooting because of all the body armour and eyewear and fetching hats.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:55, Reply)
Simian Williams?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:01, Reply)
well, if you want to post that to twitter and see what happens,
I'm right behind you.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:20, Reply)
I don't want to be John Terried.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:22, Reply)
oh god
i'm a husky turkish sailor.
christ.
*lubes up*

i'd probably do shot put, cos it's got the least cardio allowing sudden burst of heroism followed by lots of sitting down. and you're allowed to grunt, fart, sweat and generally look like you're about to pop a stroke.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)

All of them, combined, in a hot tub, full of jam.

alt:Judo - go on, try and throw me.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:01, Reply)
*fires up giant JCB*

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:03, Reply)

what are you going to wash it down with? diesel?
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:06, Reply)
Chuluunbat Jargalsaikhan
GO MONGOLIA!!!!
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:02, Reply)
How many mongs are there in the team?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:04, Reply)

OLIA
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:05, Reply)
I'm a team GB BMX woman
Which is a real coincidence because I'm British, a woman, and I have a bike!

Where's my medal then?
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:07, Reply)
TRUFACT - I used to go out with a girl who looked just like Jessica Ennis
Only she had lovely big boobies and an amazing arse.

Not sure of the real relevance here - just thought I'd share.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:10, Reply)
^ more lies posted in on /OT due to QFTW being closed ^

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:11, Reply)
Ahhhh good times
*grabs croissant for supreme smugness*

It ended quite badly though :(
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:15, Reply)
you should post a picture for the whole class to see
I'm thinking 'chunky'
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:17, Reply)
Fat lookalikes FTW!

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:18, Reply)
ploppy fingered up a drunk fat bird at some disco in 2007 and now she's become Jessica Ennis in his head

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:21, Reply)
That is a quite disgraceful slander and you'll be hearing from my solicitor!
It was 2008 at least
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:24, Reply)
Probably not fingered. Tops maybe.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:24, Reply)
I'm thinking "orca"

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:20, Reply)
i see your orca and raise you a male elephant seal.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:25, Reply)


(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:29, Reply)
That's the beauty!
I thought those snaps were personal - that's the internet for you!

Excuse me - PHWOOOAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:32, Reply)

SOD OFF BALDRICK
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:13, Reply)
TRUFACT - MY DAD IS A PIRATE KING

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:17, Reply)
My dad has a sparrow called Jack.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:19, Reply)
I hear that's glorious.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:24, Reply)
Hurrah!

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)
Didn't think anyone else would actually get that, haha

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:35, Reply)
My dad is a big fan of G&S.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 15:09, Reply)
here, who's got the eely files? this needs to go in it.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:30, Reply)
TRUFACT - you are a lying cunthorse with tiny tiny penis

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:20, Reply)
Takes one to know one

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:22, Reply)
POSTING WHERE NAKED APE GOT BADASS ZINGERED WITH FRIES

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:24, Reply)
Your profile is correct. You aren't funny.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)
I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:30, Reply)
tell us more about how drunk you got

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:54, Reply)
i'm also dubious as to the veracity of this statement

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:22, Reply)
You know how it's pretty amazing that Personality Horse
can write on the internet what with him being a horse and all, should we all be impressed that you can write what with being a pig? Or is it less impressive since pigs are more intelligent than horses?
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:24, Reply)
i'll tell you a secret.
I'm not really a pig. I'm a pig man. A bit like brundlefly, but I don't keep my penis in a jar.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:27, Reply)
Well whose penis is in that jar then ?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:28, Reply)
Thing is, you're posting that on the internet
so there is a pretty good chance it's a lie.

I put it to you that you are in fact a pig and you have no right to be posting on the internet at all. You should be rooting in some mud in a sty, not sitting at a keyboard.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:29, Reply)

Unless he is a micro pig, then he should be racing all the other micro pigs around the kitchen table and through cereal bowls.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:33, Reply)
I have evidence that not only are they both animals, but they share the same computer


(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:35, Reply)

To Scotland Yard at once!
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:39, Reply)
You say pigs are more intelligent.
Yet the horse appears to be putting more thought into what he is typing, whereas the pig seems to be staring dreamily off into space.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:46, Reply)
The pig has a wonky eye, stop being to fucking predjudiced tangles
it's not the pigs fault it wasn't born looking "perfect" in your eyes.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:49, Reply)
He should be finding me some truffles the lazy cunt.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:34, Reply)
He's probably so flatulent that he can't smell the truffles over the scent of his own guff

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:36, Reply)
I'll have you know windy pig is twice the man you'll ever be
you wretched cuntbubble.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:36, Reply)
Why are you trying to be so hurtful mmps?
This is just like that time that I was nice to Quentin and then he said something mean about me. WHY WOULD YOU BE SO MEAN ONLINE!?

I bet you're the one that got arrested for telling Tom Daly he had dishonoured the memory of his dead dad.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:38, Reply)
ur dadz ded LOL!

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:41, Reply)
Why would you say that mmps?
You can't imagine how much it hurts to be reminded of my dad at this difficult time.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:43, Reply)
shit dve, no medulz LOLOLOL!

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:45, Reply)
YOU DOUBT ITS VERISIMILITUDE?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:24, Reply)
i might challenge him to a duel over it.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:28, Reply)
Choice of weapons?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)
our survey says:
BLUNDERBUSS
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:33, Reply)
GREAT HORNY TOADS!

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:35, Reply)
TRUFACT - Dogs have no sense of fair play

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:23, Reply)
I believe you. Plenty of girls like that around and they've all had boyfriends I'm sure.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:24, Reply)
TRUFACT - rats cannot vomit.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:24, Reply)
TRUFACT - I can after 12 pints with Jeff.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:25, Reply)
Surely if her boobs and arse were different
then she didn't look "like her" at all?

That's like saying "I shagged a bird that looked like Cindy Crawford, except for her head and body."
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:24, Reply)
I was talking from a purely 'facial features' perspective

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:28, Reply)
Shame really
Seeing as how visually that's the least interesting thing about her.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:32, Reply)
That's possibly the most autistic comment I've seen today.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)
haha yeah, she does look a bit like gary lineker in drag
/ac
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:32, Reply)
Haha, is there NOTHING that crazy twat won't try??
/ac
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:32, Reply)
Doritos.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:34, Reply)
dunno, probably just stuck it up there for safe keeping. kids!
/ac
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:34, Reply)
Bruno Fontes, a Brazilian sailor.
I wouldn't stand a chance in any of them.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)
you get to sit down in tha canoeing.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:27, Reply)
you get a nice lie down in judo

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:30, Reply)
fencing is really quick
I suspect Monty would be good at fencing, but the other type
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:44, Reply)
Meh, fencing is just long range tickling for beekeepers.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:51, Reply)
haha
cute
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:52, Reply)
uphill fencing?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:56, Reply)
I reckonit would be a bonus to not have any legs in the canoe sprint
less weight to pull
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:33, Reply)
some egyptian footballer
Archery is not a piece of piss, I can assure you.

If I actually trained I'd probably be best at throwing things, but I wouldn't get near Olympic levels
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)
I need to shout at someone, who's going to volenteer

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)
Start tweeting about montys company.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:33, Reply)
What's it called?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:35, Reply)
Montys inefficient deliverys corp

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:39, Reply)
Is it runs by pakistanis?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:41, Reply)
I read on the internet that they are very unreliable
They leave people's orders out on the street to get stolen.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:41, Reply)
I would expect nothing less form that senile old bellend
I bet he got there and then forgot why he was there and then wandered off looking for a cup of tea, and then he wet himself and then his carer came and took him home, and all the time the parcel was just sitting there.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:42, Reply)
It turns out he has been sticking them in a bin for dog shit all this time.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:44, Reply)
click

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:54, Reply)
Hahaha!
click
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 15:03, Reply)
Some fat ugly French shootist.
Exact height and weight match, poor woman.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:33, Reply)
sacre bleurgh

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:35, Reply)
I JUST BOUGHT A PHOTOGRAPHIC ENLARGER!!*
Woo! I can make a darkroom now


*nothing to do with penises
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:36, Reply)
It's come up with Your Mum, says she is the albanian female weight lifter who failed because she couldn't lift her own weight.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:36, Reply)
cor! link plz

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:37, Reply)

we've all come up your mum
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:41, Reply)
I didn't know that Giant Haystacks was competing this year ...
Some chap called Jakkrit Panichpatikum, apparently.
Wow, I have the right physique to go on a shooting spree.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:40, Reply)
big daddy's gonna get ya!

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:41, Reply)
EA-SY! EA-SY! EA-SY! EA-SY!

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:42, Reply)
I never understood the appeal of watching too fat old men, sweatily pawing at each other

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:43, Reply)
they you sir, have never lived.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:44, Reply)
Ask b3th

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:44, Reply)
Who's the other chap?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:45, Reply)
That's b3th, you insensitive bastard!

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:47, Reply)
You didn't say there were two
YOU FUCKING SPASTIC.

You said they were "too fat old men" and b3ths husband is too fat.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:48, Reply)
havinga good day at work?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:49, Reply)
s'alright
I got lost in Leyton this mornign because the cunts shut the slip road onto the A12 at teh Green Man Interchance for NO FUCKING REASON AT ALL. Took me a fucking hour to get through Leyton and back onto the A12.

Cunts.
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:52, Reply)
Green Man interchange is on the travel news everyday
I believe you can take bush road to circumnavigate, but don't forget your waterproff trousers in case it rains
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:55, Reply)
I have two pairs in my van in case one pair gets wet.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 15:02, Reply)
But that's enough about my holiday videos.

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:45, Reply)
ladies and gentlemen.... drimble!

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:47, Reply)
*riverboat song*

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:55, Reply)
I STARTED A NEW THREAD JUST LETTING YOU KNOW

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:56, Reply)
a link to a bbc news story by any chance?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:57, Reply)
FUCK YEAH!!!!

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:58, Reply)
Jess Lloyd apparently
www.bbc.co.uk/sport/olympics/2012/athletes/28c939ae-45c1-4716-86a8-ff04999cf05b

Though her team GB page says she weighs a lot less www.teamgb.com/athletes/jessica-lloyd
(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:56, Reply)
Typical lying woman

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 14:58, Reply)
some fucking scrawny canoeist from angola

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 15:04, Reply)
Better than a fat one though, right?

(, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 15:09, Reply)

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