My Biggest Disappointment - in 500 words
“Hey buddy, how’s it goin’?”

“What? Oh, hi Tom, yeah, OK I suppose.”

“You suppose! Well sounds to me like you need a beer, am I right or am I right?”

“No, a beer is NOT what I need right now, but, I suppose it’ll have to do.”

“Great! I know a great bar not far from here, jump in.”

* * * * *

They pulled up at a bar on Sunset Boulevard, where a young white man opened the door of the car with a smile and taking the keys from Tom, opened the door of the bar and wished them a ‘great time’.

The music was almost too loud and as it sounded like something from ‘Hotel California’, Hugh’s mood didn’t lift. He looked around, the place was still fairly empty - Tom told him to find a seat and headed for the bar.

“What the fuck am I doing here?” Hugh wondered, “I hate this bloke and this bar looks like ‘the pits’.” but then he thought of his hotel suite and forced a smile as Tom neared the table with a jug of beer, a couple of glasses and what looked like a couple of shot glasses too.

“Right! Here ya go buddy, sorry it’s not warm!” Tom poured two frothing glasses, clinked his against Hugh’s and downed half the contents in two deep swallows. Hugh took a sip, it was surprisingly good actually, he took a proper swallow and put his glass down.

“OK, bud, now down this and tell me all about it.” Tom handed him the shot glass, waited until Hugh was ready, then winked and threw it into his mouth. “There you go.”

Hugh knew it was probably the wrong thing to do as he was tipping the glass into his mouth, but the little devil sitting on his left shoulder scooted round to the back of his head, yanked back on his thick hair and suddenly, the shot was in his stomach and making friends with the beer - who seemed to be the only other occupant. The little angel on the right shoulder was trying to whisper in his ear that he’d skipped lunch, remember? and maybe he should take it easy? ‘Fuck you!’ the little devil said, appearing from behind his neck, ‘let’s have some fun’.

“So, what’s the problem?” Tom said. He re-filled the beer glasses, then sat back in his seat. Hugh leaned in and rested his elbows on the table.

“What can I say?" he shrugged, spread his hands wide and pulled a sheepish, adorable grin, "Everything's fucking perfect. I'm rich, famous, good looking, talented, and I have a girlfriend that most men would cut off their right arm for the chance to sleep with her. What could possibly be wrong?"

"Errr, she doesn’t give head?”

“Close, but no cigar, as Bill Clinton might say. She tries, but she’s really shit, all teeth and no technique.”

“Hmmm, I may be able to help you there…”
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 12:15, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ooohh! *click*
Will there be further installments?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 12:33, Reply)

what happens next?
i want to know!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 12:35, Reply)

I know what happens next
Do you think Liz was that bad?

;)


EDIT - Do you want feedback? Or are you just happy to put it out there...ahem...
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 13:57, Reply)

Feel free to offer positive criticism
This was very much a 'quick & dirty' attempt to get the ball rolling.

And no, there won't be a follow up - but I think Chickenlady twigged. See press for details.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 14:21, Reply)

Aha!
Liz! *twigs*
*twig snaps*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 14:40, Reply)

It was calling him Hugh that gave it away
:D

Nice start.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 14:52, Reply)

It's a man thing Chickenlady
We look at someone like Hugh Grant or maybe that short-arsed footballer, Ronaldo, and we think "I bet it's not all that great being him, after all, it must cost a bomb to run all those big cars and what happens if he breaks a leg/nose? And anyway, I bet Liz is shit in bed too."

It gives us something to keep us going.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 8:56, Reply)