Poo
.
Sitting on the bog, enjoying a nice dump, then I realise there's no bog paper.

I hate that. I *really* fucking hate that.

So then it's the undignified shuffle through the flat to get to the cupboard the bog paper is in. You all know what I mean. Trousers round the ankles, legs apart to stop the shit smearing your bum-cheeks, desperately hoping that no ones looking through your window.

And, just to make it more fun, you have to fend off the bloody cat who thinks your dangly bits are just waay too tempting.

*shuffle-shuffle" meiow

"GERROFF YOU FUCKING PSYCHO SPAWN OF SATAN"


And then, when you take your prize back to the bog, you just never be sure you're really clean so you have to have a shower.


And admit it. You've *all* done it.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 2 May 2008, 4:14, 7 replies)

you could remove one step from the above process and just wipe your arse on the cat.
(i anglepoise, Fri 2 May 2008, 7:00, closed)

Even
I'm not dumb enough to put something with 20 sharp claws and a mouthful of pointy teeth near my arse.
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 2 May 2008, 7:12, closed)

^
fifty quid says you've done dumber
(i anglepoise, Fri 2 May 2008, 7:40, closed)

oh sweet jesus
i've done this more times than i can remember. so much so that now, when i buy toilet rolls, I LEAVE THEM IN THE BATHROOM.

just a tip ;)
(LIMES, Fri 2 May 2008, 10:02, closed)

What SmashMonkey said
Wise words, the furthest I have to go is 5 foot to the bathroom cuboard door, although I usually keep a spare on top of the cistern anyway so I can just reach behind me for part two. You just set yourself up for a fall otherwise, especially on the cat/bollock obstactle course.
(Brigadier Arthur Charles, Mrs, Sat 3 May 2008, 0:31, closed)

This is exactly why I had kids...
So I could yell out, "Meg grab me a roll of toilet paper!"

and it magically appears hanging from the hand of a surly child.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sat 3 May 2008, 0:31, closed)

It's more frustrating when you think you've got loads left, but it disappears after two wipes. That happened to me once, and there was none left in the house.

I used a playing card.
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Mon 5 May 2008, 0:29, closed)