sorry for this being a tad big.
Road use:
1) You have indicators. Use them. The effort required is minimal and the end result is fewer accidents and less annoyed people driving cars.
2) Speed limits are there for a reason. If you're in a 30 zone, do up to 30. If you're in a 40 zone, do up to 40. The limits aren't just there to stop you driving off the road, they are there so that other road users can have a reasonable chance of guessing what you're going to be doing with your vehicle. They let people pull out of turnings with the knowledge that anyone coming around the corner will have time to see them and brake in time, for example. The only (personal) exception to this is if you're on a national speed limit dual carriageway or motorway go ahead and speed a bit, but don't complain if someone in your lane is doing 70, don't insist you can do 90 in driving rain in the middle of the night safely, and have a tiny fucking amount of consideration for other road users when it comes to, for example, sliproads. And use your fucking indicators to change lanes.
3) If there are roadworks and one lane is closing and there is an obvious queue of traffic, don't move into the soon-to-end lane and speed all the way to the front and expect to be let in. You cunt.
4) Cyclists, if there's a cycle lane please use it. If there isn’t, I promise I’ll do my best not to needlessly endanger your life as long as you’re wearing a helmet and, if appropriate, using lights.
4)a) the cycle lane is one bike wide. If you need to chat, shout, don’t ride side-by side and stick out into the road.
5) I firmly believe this one should be law: If a car driver who is driving legally hits and kills a cyclist at night, and the cyclist has neither lights nor a helmet, not only has no crime been committed, but the dead cyclist's estate/relatives must pay for repairs to the car.
6) Don't overtake on blind corners/hills. I don't care if your car can go that fast, I don't care if YOU think it's a "calculated risk". You're risking my life and the life of anyone coming the other way too, and that's not a risk you're entitled to take. If you’re so risky, fuck off to a race track, or just plough your car into a fucking bridge (while nobody’s on it).
7) THAT’S AN AMBULANCE. Get out the fucking way. Now.
8) re: other emergency services vehicles: see 7) and adapt as necessary.
9) Read the rules of the road again. Go on. Read the bit about how roundabouts work and what lane to be in. Use it if you’re not sure about a particular roundabout. They actually work.
9) If you drive a route regularly, learn how the specific roundabouts/junctions work. Using the wrong lane every day for a year makes me wonder if you should be permitted to drive at all. Or go out without a keeper.
10) A queue of traffic with you in the middle is not, in fact, waiting for you to beep your horn. If you can’t see why you’re stopped then you’ve got no reason to beep.
11) petrol station forecourts have a sign that says “don’t smoke, turn off engine, turn off lights, don’t use your phone.” You are not exempt from this rule (even if several of them are a teeeeeny bit over-paranoid, don’t fucking smoke you foolish monkey).
12) Motorbikes take up space. If you’re riding your bike down the side of a row of cars and some traffic comes the other way, find somewhere to pull in. If you can’t, then you shouldn’t have been overtaking, should you? Now fuck off.

Extremism and bigotry, some specifics:
1) Feminists who are following the ideals of equality are doing something important for society, breaking down pointless barriers and helping everyone live together fairly. People who call themselves ‘feminists’ but are really entirely, rabidly, pro-female and anti-male are bigoted extremists who need to find themselves a different name and are of no help to anyone or anything.
Ref: users.livejournal.com/_allecto_/34718.html
2) Religion is a tricky one. I don’t follow a religion or believe in a god, and regard all of them as pretty much delusional fantasies built around increasingly out-of-date codes of conduct. Their time, for me, is past. The same good effects that religion has could be obtained by a system of education and ethical principles without the mumbo-jumbo. The problem is that I realise, if I genuinely believed in god, I mean really and truly, and I thought he wanted me to blow up a bunch of folks, I’d do it. It’s god, for fuck’s sake. You can’t second-guess God.
3) Racism: Get over it. Seriously. There are dozens and dozens and dozens of perfectly rational reasons to hate and despise people, both in groups and individually. Inherited physical characteristics aren’t one of them.
4) Football: If you’re really, honestly willing to hurt someone, be honest about it. You don’t need the excuse of their belonging to a different supporter’s club. If you genuinely want to hurt people BECAUSE they support a different team then you’re a fucking idiot.

Grammar and spelling:
1) If English isn’t your first language, make an effort and it’ll be noticed.
2) If English is your first language, make an effort, it’ll be noticed.
3) Everyone makes mistakes. Me more than most. Typos are forgivable, not a death sentence.
4) If you don’t bother making the effort to use a minimal level of spelling and punctuation and try and arrange your sentences correctly then don’t expect to be understood. If you can’t be bothered to try and communicate clearly I have no choice but to assume you’re saying something unimportant.
5) If you struggle with this on a regular basis, there are a few simple sets of rules to learn that can hugely improve the readability of your writing:
- It’s, its
- You’re, your
- There, Their, They’re
- Than, Then
if you make the effort to nail those then a large proportion of the pedantic internet will stop having a go at you and maybe pay attention to what you’re writing.
6) The above are not here just because I’m a pedant, but because language is a tool for communicating, and the better we can all use it the better we can convey our opinions.
7) Lolcats are exempt from the above. I don’t know why, I should hate them but I don’t.

Class:
1) You’re working class. You have pride in your roots. Well done. It doesn’t excuse you being a total fucking wanker.
2) You’re middle class, but you’re aware of it and you make an effort not to discriminate by class. Well done. It doesn’t excuse you being a total fucking wanker.
3) You’re upper class. You’re proud of your heritage and you’re used to being around the successful and wealthy. Well done. It doesn’t excuse you being a total fucking wanker.
4) Nobody worth talking to cares how much money your family makes, how close you are to royalty or anything. Unless you’re on a genealogy course, be yourself and ignore the heritage.

Patriotism (specifically Americans and English):
I’m glad you love your country, you should do. It has many fine points and many lofty ideals are upheld by it on a daily basis. If one of your fellow countrymen disagrees with a political/military stance which your country has adopted then he/she is not being unpatriotic. Both nations have, among their most famous historical figures, people who overturned regimes and made massive changes to their way of life because they believed an injustice was being perpetrated.
Patriotism should be love of your country coupled with a desire to see it be the best it can be, not a blind submission to the status quo.

Americans in Britain
1) How fucking loud do you need to be?
2) I don’t care how much bigger/better/faster things are in Texas. There’s a church in Cornmarket Street in Oxford that’s 5 times the age of your country.
3) No, I can’t find you some marijuana. Especially not when you bellow the question at me at Blessed volume in the middle of a busy street, you unbearable neo-colonial fuckwit.

Generalisations:
You may have noticed that many of my rants make sweeping generalisations about entire classes, groups and nationalities of people. I hate when people do this without an awareness that they’re doing it. I know some nice Americans, I’ve got religious friends, I’ve even met a BMW driver who’s not a cunt when he drives, but the transgressors in these groups are sufficiently representative (based on my personal life experience) that I feel justified in not individually adding caveats to each observation. Sorry.
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Fri 2 May 2008, 11:35, 14 replies)

Feminazis
Are the bane of the Earth.

I thought it was just me being an intolerant grumpy bitch but now I realise I am completely normal.
(Beklet is inexplicably angry, Fri 2 May 2008, 11:40, closed)

don't use a comparison to me
to justify "completely normal". I'm slightly duller than most and lazier too.
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Fri 2 May 2008, 11:42, closed)

dull?
Dunno but I'm bone idle....

OK I just read the feminazi rant, and I have absolutely no idea what she was on about. My brain hurts now.
(Beklet is inexplicably angry, Fri 2 May 2008, 11:44, closed)

my favourite bit
by a looooong way, is when she casually mentions that ANY heterosexual sex is rape. Because our society doesn't REALLY give women the right to choose. Made me really angry, until I realised it doesn't matter, she's just a woman a thundering idiot and her opinions don't matter.
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Fri 2 May 2008, 11:47, closed)

Oh lord
That feminist blog, truly lol stuff.

"I have found that refusing intercourse with men is an even better way than condoms, of ensuring that one does not get pregnant. Instead of 'birth contol' which is usually risky to women's health and never 100% effective, I believe that the pro-lifers would be better served by promoting lesbianism. Just my two cents."

hahaha
( Regger, Fri 2 May 2008, 11:57, closed)

meh
3) If there are roadworks and one lane is closing and there is an obvious queue of traffic, don't move into the soon-to-end lane and speed all the way to the front and expect to be let in. You cunt.

The highway code says you should use both lanes and merge in turn in a smooth zip like fashion. So if you dart out to the right and and nip round, then you're a cunt. If you were in the right hand lane anyway, you're not a cunt because you're doing what you're supposed to do. This doesn't stop people from going "OMG! Queuejumper!" and refusing to let them in, but at that point they are being equally cuntish.

Actually something else that's incredibly annoying and seemingly obvious from general life and this QOTW.

WHY THE FUCK ARE SO MANY PEOPLE SO GODDAMNED IMPATIENT? DOES IT REALLY MATTER THAT YOU MIGHT GET HOME 3 SECONDS EARLIER IF THE CAR IN FRONT WAS DOING 30 INSTEAD OF 28?
( bluemeat has been best of all the animals since, Fri 2 May 2008, 12:07, closed)

ooh, yeah
I ought to make it clear I mean people deliberately going INTO the closing lane to get ahead.

If I wasn't so lazy I'd edit it above.
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Fri 2 May 2008, 12:13, closed)

Very nice.
Well, the helmet bits. You're right about the lights.

And oh lord that woman should be shot.
(Willem Beeeeeeeeees!, Fri 2 May 2008, 12:17, closed)

yes, yes, yes and yes.
Especially the radfem blog. I saw that article, and the follow-up, a couple of months ago. She's truly, horrendously insane. And radfems live in some blinkered little world where any woman who doesn't agree with their very narrow view of the world is obviously in league with the patriarchy, and therefore not a true feminist.

She deletes any comments you leave on her blog that she doesn't like (i.e. saying "how the hell can you call Joss Whedon a rapist when you've never even met the guy?")
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 2 May 2008, 13:05, closed)

Nice
Very well said that man (or woman, I'm not sure and don't want to make assumptions. Covering my existential arse see :)
(Teran Thinks Pogonophobia is funny, Fri 2 May 2008, 14:13, closed)

man
and thank you.
Ranting in a vaguely coherent manner is apparently one of my few talent(s).
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:45, closed)

Just one small point...
That church in Cornmarket Street in Oxford Is not 5 times the age of the American continent. There was actually a thriving population there a very long time before it was 'discovered'

Pendantic maybe but lets not forget who are the real 'Americans'.
(MadBouncyDog Barking at the moon since, Fri 2 May 2008, 21:01, closed)

That LJ Article
Made me so angry it was unbelievable. Although I think that this reply users.livejournal.com/_allecto_/34718.html?thread=174750#t174750
summed up what I was thinking quite nicely. The whole 'all penetrative sex is rape' idea is degrading to both men and women who enjoy a healthy and happy sex life (quite a few of us then) as well as rape victims who find their experiences trivialised by such madness.

I'm all for women's lib, but 'promoting lesbianism'? Sexuality shouldn't be something you try and sell to people, it should be a personal thing. No-one convinced me either way about my sexual orientation, and I'm perfectly happy with who I am, thanks.
Grr.
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Mon 5 May 2008, 12:08, closed)

weeeeeeeeeellllll
"That church in Cornmarket Street in Oxford Is not 5 times the age of the American continent. There was actually a thriving population there a very long time before it was 'discovered'"

When I wrote 'country' I neant the United States as a nation, rather than referring to the existence of a population on the land mass.

Perhaps "Nation" would have been clearer.

I also have no clear idea if it's really 5 times the age.

As for "Pendantic maybe but lets not forget who are the real 'Americans'." - I'm all for linguistic accuracy, but were you really under the impression I was annoyed by native Americans on tour? I mean, I could have referred to "Citizens of the United States of America of colonial extraction, rather than descended from the indigenous peoples present prior to the colonisation by European powers" but I thought that the combination of "American" and "loud" would make it clear.
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Tue 6 May 2008, 17:00, closed)