When sports go bad
Come on, B3ta mods! This must be the tenth time this has been suggested by various people. Not every internet user spends their wa(n)king moments hunched over a screen until every muscle in their body atrophies except for two fingers.

Tell us about the times it's gone terribly, terribly wrong.
( MatJ LOOK, Mon 30 Jan 2012, 8:52, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Parent's, it's your time to shine.
Your best (goriest, scariest just plain ewww-inducing-est) childbirth stories.
That should guarantee that /talk can only post responses.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 30 Jan 2012, 6:22, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

At my school, when you'd done something cool or impressive
after telling your peers what you'd achieved you'd cough slightly and straighten your tie.

Invariably this would start a round of oneupmanship, which meant the action developed quickly into jumping in the air screaming "HEYAAAAAH!" at the top, landing bent-legged, stamping around the room and adjusting an absolutely enormous, imaginary tie knot, which came down to one's knees and required both hands to "adjust". The result was incredibly ape-like in appearance, and became an entertainment in it's own right, often overshadowing the boast of the original story.

When I met Joe Scaramanga, I quickly forgot that we weren't actually at school together, and thus when I scored one evening with a girl, he was somewhat bemused the following morning as I told him, while performing this action all around the kitchen.

What ridiculous behaviour or rituals did you perform at school for want of more satisfactory mental stimulation?

EDIT: And no I don't fucking mean "Tell us about what an OCD tossbag you are."
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 17:39, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Human Resources...
Does your HR department suck, or do they join in your office pranks and shenanigans? How much have you been able to toe the line with the good old HR dept?
(nolongernuts, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 4:52, Reply)

I really should have been arrested
I woke up at 2pm on October 13th, 2011, unable to move either of my thumbs and aching all over. When I remembered why (and later that week, when my friend filled in a few gaps), it dawned on me that I really should have woken up in a cell.

When have you escaped?
( MatJ LOOK, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 5:50, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Kids
Tell us about how wonderful your kids are.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 18 Jan 2012, 12:26, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Body Mods
I once met a man with silicon implants around the outside of his eyes, making him look a bit like an unemployed Cardassian.

What wierd, wonderful and worrying modifications have you encountered in the past, either on other people's bodies or your own.

:: EDIT :: Ah, we've had it before...oh well
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Wed 18 Jan 2012, 12:22, Reply)

Famous people we've either slept with, or 'a friend' has.
A mate of mine was working on the crew of a movie called 'Blue Juice.'

It was Catherine Zeta Jones' last movie in the UK before she got all big.

Everyone on the crew wanted a crack. And they all gave it a go.

She turned them all down.

My mate, a heavily tattooed Leeds fan (but quite a looker) decided to completely ignore her for the duration of the shoot.

It worked.

She asked him to accompany her to London. He kept up the game by refusing, saying that he was watching a Leeds game at the weekend.

At the time of the wrap party, the pissed crew were still going for her.

He was smashed by this point.

She went over when the slow dance started and pulled him onto the dance floor.

And then he did two things that he still maintains were the two stupidest things he's ever done.

The first was to squeeze her arse.

When she pulled back with a slightly alarmed expression he said.

"You love it."

Sigh.
( waz4444 Escorts, bescorts - Come in if you're saucy., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 2:51, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Dull celebrity anecdotes
I saw Peter Phillips, out of Princess Anne's womb, resignedly pushing a shopping trolley around Waitrose in Cirencester with a look of intense boredom on his face while his American wife and their toddler chose breakfast cereal. I was with my girlfriend and was also listlessly pushing a trolley around while she shopped.

He caught my gaze, and we exchanged "women, eh?" glances and small shrugs as we passed one another.

I also once sat next to Jim Broadbent while he leafed through a copy of Metro while listening to what sounded like Motown classics on small black earbud headphones, while he was waiting for a connecting Tube train at Acton Town station.

What mundane or routine activities have you seen people off the telly doing?
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 11:23, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Messing with peoples heads.
What have you done to fuck with people? Was it a long, carefully planned piece of psychological warfare, or do you favour quick, off-the-cuff comments that confuse the terminally gullible?
Do you prefer funny things that you can laugh about down the pub or maliciousness that you should probably be ashamed of?
Have you been dicked with, and only realised many years later? Are you being dicked right now?
Tell us everything.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 20:08, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Volunteering?
Have we done this subject, I can't remember seeing it.

I did Crisis at Christmas one year and it was an eye-opener.
(K.W.A. Knickers With Attitude, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 14:40, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Reading through some of the archived questions
and the 'onosecond' was quite good; that moment when an email or text message goes wrong. Was done in about 2006 I think, so could we do this again?

My workmate sent me an email asking what my meeting with the HR manager was about. I replied with, "She asked me to suck oysters from her twat".
He then went to forward this to another work colleague, who'd appreciate the comment.
He sent it to the HR manager by mistake - I was oblivious all of this was going on. Hilarity ensued.....
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Tue 10 Jan 2012, 17:52, Reply)

Worst party
I went to a party this christmas where the hostess was noisily sick in the kitchen while preparing the food and the host entertained us with printouts of his favourite funny pictures off the internet. What's the worst party you've been to?
(Smale is stuffed, Sun 8 Jan 2012, 17:19, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

If ann summers made tools kits
tell us what you might find in one
maybe fanny hammer or some 3 in 1




actually this may be better in the image challenge
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 6 Jan 2012, 7:49, Reply)

Eleventh Commandment?
What one extra rule would you like added to the ten commandments to make the world a better place?
(seedybee68 not involved in any rioting since 31 March 1990, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 18:44, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Xmas pressies
now that all the festive fannying around has finally been put to bed, what was the bestest/crappest xmas present you opened the other week?

ideally, no mention of i-crap or kindles, everyone who wanted one of such devices now has one. i know this coz every cock in the world with an i-phone has told me as such.
(NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:26, Reply)

The best games
Whether it be Snap, Scrabble, Hide-and-seek, online gambling, WoW, PS2/3/4/5/twelvelty, trolling mumsnet or chasing an old hoop down a dusty road and listening to the lamentation of the women, what is the best game to play?
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 5 Jan 2012, 0:32, Reply)

Grandparenty stuff your grandparents do.
Last Christmas my Grandad bought birthday cards for each of his relatives fronted with such messages as "Happy Birthday to a Wonderful Grandson," or "To My Niece on Her Birthday" and handed them all out on Christmas day.

We were watching the football the other day and a replay of a goal came up with the minutes scored in the bottom corner. He kept repeatedly asking what player "minge" was but vaguely pulling his punch at the end of the word, possibly sensing it might be rude. Turns out he's just misread 'minutes' in the bottom left corner.

What other grandparenty shit have your grandparents done?
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 23:20, Reply)

I remember when all this was fields.
Remember when everything was easy and carefree? Slip on the rose tinted specs and tell us all about it.
Remind us how crap it all is now.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 20:41, Reply)

Cliff Richard
Tell about the impact that Cliff Richard has had on your life.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 3 Jan 2012, 12:44, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

deja vu

nice clean simple and full of familiarity
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 17:29, Reply)

Survived
I once threw a houseparty and someone swapped my gerbils water with vodka which, of course, I didn't change for 2 weeks...but he lived. Who or what in your life has survived against all odds?
(MrTeapot hasn't played with himself since, Fri 30 Dec 2011, 0:25, Reply)

Boats and water:
Ferries, rafts, motorboats*, rubber dinghys, sailing yachts. Swimming lessons, buckets balanced over doors and getting your head trapped in the carwash. Tell us all.

*Not that sort, you pervert.
( MatJ LOOK, Mon 26 Dec 2011, 23:43, Reply)

amazing things your pet does that puts Lassie to shame
As an antidote to all the ' I killed sparrows with my air rifle' stories (and its Christmassy as well )
(sabre32, Mon 26 Dec 2011, 23:10, Reply)

Worst Christmas present ever
What's the worst present you have ever received, or given?
(Smale is stuffed, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Why do you hate Christmas?

(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 19:49, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What have you killed?
Accidentally, or on purpose.
Concepts, species, or anything else.
(speedevil, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 13:41, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Interesting mathematical equations.
Share yours with us.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 13:48, Reply)

Worst Christmas ever
Bindun back in 2004, but surely it's time for another one?
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 17:22, Reply)