A catalog of errors
I was never 'practically minded' at school, I suffer from a lack of imagination and dexterity but am surprisingly rather pragmatic...
I dreaded CDT, FT and even Drama as I'd be foreced to bodge something or other.

CDT - I hated my teacher, Mr Hoskin, as he smelt funny and had a jungle nose. He always leared at the girls too which was annoying as I was trying to get into their pants too.
Mr Hoskin also hated me, mostly due to my ineptitude and lack of effort - I regularly got a 1/5 for attainment and effort for the subject which made me the best.
The other teacher, Mr Edwards- who was married to the P.E teacher, was having an affair with my History teacher so his class didn't get him perving at them as he was getting his 5 a day. Lucky sods. He also looked like the liquid metal Terminator from T2 which was ace.

I digress.
Our class had to make a box with a buzzer in it which would buzz when the box was opened. I actually thought this was a good thing to make and so put my heart and soul into it.
What I ended up with was a fantastic box but the lid looked like it'd been run over by a tractor and was falling off its hinges. I'd managed to get my mate crafty Pete to help me with the joints but I couldn't master the art of using a screwdriver. The buzzer never worked.
To make things worse, the parents were 'encouraged' to buy the box from the school to pay for the materials! Stupid cheap school. I didn't want the box, I wanted it to become a relic, to remind students how *not* to make a box. But I was forced to pay for it out of my pocket money!
I still have this arse of a box to this day, I keep things in it but they fall out as the lid's still crap.
I left Mr Hoskin a can of deoderant on his desk on leaving day with a post-it-note attached which read "PLEASE use me"

F.T - Stupid Kieran Joy put food colouring and curry mixture into my victoria sponge, it tasted like fire and looked like a brain.

English - Best project ever. We studied' Z for Zachiarah' and had to make a radio broadcase! This involved me and my best friend Keith arsing around for a week and making up fake adverts before me pretending to be the Secretary of Safety (Justin Case) and telling people not to bother worrying about a nuclear war, "if it happens then we'll all be too borked to care". This was before the days of Dizzee Rascal, otherwise they'd have been told to "think fast, look sharp". Mrs Wilbraham was an amazing teacher and just nodded and said "very good, very...original..."

History - Project on 'The Romans'. I was known for being alright at this subject and was put with 2, less skilled, pupils so the teacher would look better and I'd end up doing the project for them.
I was fed up with this always happening so I did nothing. Nothing at all. Then when the 2 guys came up to me with 30 minutes to go until class telling me they'd done nothing and "where is our project then?" I printed a page off Encarta about Julius Caesar and handed it to them.

Skip ahead to A levels.

German - Frau Perks I hated you so much I woke up early to hate you more.
I was known for not doing work and making up words (e.g adding -en to a verb to 'Germanize' it) these became known as (my last name)isms.
We had a class of 3 in my A2 year so I couldn't exactly hide, she hated me and I hated her. We came to a detente whereby she'd not ask my questions and I'd pay lip service to doing homework.

This came to a head when I had to deliver an Oral (hahaha) presentation on the rivalry between the UK and Germany.
I'd told her all was going to be fine, that I'd even got a powerpoint presentation ready and was going to use my Dad's laptop.
This was a lie.
I had 5 pages, 3 of them with full size pictures. The rest was just warbling about empire and 'the war'. I mentioned 'the war' in my German Oral exam and expected to pass?!
However, things looked up when the examiner showed up. Her short skirt just aching for a breeze to lift it up while her low cut top gave a hint of what appeared to be a generous bosom. I was psyched and marched in quicker than Hitler went into Poland.
Whatsmore, during the exam the examiner just smiled at me as I was giving the presentation and seemed to even help me by prompting me, I was engaging with my audience! (Although I'd liked to have engaged with her orally a bit more fully...) How could I fail!
I got a D overall (an E in my Oral exam...) which I thought was pretty good considering my lack of effort and work done that year. This was building on the solid B that I'd got for AS, when I'd been in a class of 25 and moderately happy as the ginger fuhrer's attention was diverted to yell abuse at other people.
That 22 students had dropped out between AS and A2 level does explain how hellish it was really.

I wanted to drop German but I dropped Chemistry. I had to really, I knew that I wasn't going to do well when in my practical I made vinegar instead of the 'deep heat' smell. A few chars on the ceiling were also because of me.
Fun times.
(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 13:32, 6 replies)

Pardon my ignorance
but what is FT?
( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:17, closed)

Food Technology

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:21, closed)

yes

(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:12, closed)

Ah.
Cookery.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:24, closed)

Ah, A-level German.
We invented the verb "mingen", which, unsurprisingly, meant "to ming; to be minging", and spent many happy lessons yelling "INGOLF MINGT!" like Nazis with Tourettes.
( Maladicta, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 17:38, closed)

Haha I like it
We were able to avoid doing no work for an entire lesson if we were able to steer her onto the topic of DIE WENDE as her eyes would go all misty and she'd recount at length her experiences of Germany which would mostly involve Trabis. Happy days.

It's a shame I hated her so much as before I really enjoyed German, my GCSE teacher was great and I was thinking about doing German at Uni.
(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:22, closed)