Santa may be secret, but don't let someone else get the credit!
In my first year at a respectible job I drew the faculty director as my secret santa. With a budget of only £5 I was determined not to buy any old crap and actually got some really nice black & white notelet card things. For saying thanks by mail etc. Ideal for a 40 something professional woman...

Trouble was I'd have to leave the pressie with her PA who I'd heard was good at stealing the credit for other people efforts. Sort of a the director is so busy it wouldn't be fair for someone else to get her as secret santa so we engineer it so her PA always gets her etc.

SO, not wanting the credit to be misslaid I wrote a handwritten note saying happy christmas from secret santa and hope she enjoyed using all the notelets. Then placed in at the bottom of the box where you'd only find it after using them all...

Come January I heard on the grapevine she was delighted with her pressie and her PA beamed with pride everytime they were mentioned.
I heard that around July the Director asked her PA where she might buy some more, her PA said she couldn't remember where she got them... the Director mentioned my note of course knowing her PA didn't buy them!
Egg on face, even if it took 7 months to show her up!

Sorry about the length, budget was only £5 you see!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 15:03, Reply)

60 Year Old Senior Director
In two parts - Part one a poem

Now you are getting on a bit
The passion's bound to fade
It now will take you many hours
To end up getting laid
Your wife is bored with flacid flesh
And crap old fashioned banter
So take this pill and go right home
And slip her one from Santa

and Part two

A Viagra tablet
( Spackweasel - because weasels get Downs Syndrome too, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 14:54, Reply)

In the tradition….
…of going wildly off-piste, I didn’t so much as have a secret Santa surprise, but it was a shock nonetheless and at Christmas time.

On Saturday, I went with Xena (Mrs Grimsdale) to see ‘Stranger than Fiction’. Quirky, amusing film which I was enjoying when blow me: it was the final couple of scenes – I won’t do a spoiler – when it suddenly occurred to me that the female lead (Maggie Gyllenhaal) was the spitting image of the ‘Girl-of-my-dreams’, or rather her face and expression during those scenes reminded me of her so strongly that my heart started to beat faster.

I expect most of you have seen her in ‘The Secretary’, being a happily married man (and wishing to remain so), I’ve not seen this, but now, I have an unnatural urge to watch it. Don’t worry, it will have faded by the New Year and I’ll be able to get on with my life again. Still, now you know what I gave up, and why she still haunts me. [g-o-m-d also had much nicer boobs]
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 14:05, Reply)

What with a few people leaving or being moved to new departments...
...we're not bothering with Secret Santa this year.

Seems a bit pointless really - there's only 2 of us left.
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 13:54, Reply)

score!
the bloke I drew for secret santa quit before I bought him a present, woo! so I got the joy of receiving Time Wasting Letters without having to shell out reciprocally.

then off for the christmas do - a 12 hour drink & drugs binge with sadly (and very surprisingly) no embarrassing repercussions for anyone...but that would probably be a different QOTW anyway.
( yes yes yes man oi mate, someone's writtten 'bum' on your neck, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 13:37, Reply)

OTT?
I used to work in a large team, about 25 or 30 people, ideal size for revenge Secret Santas. My victim was a geology graduate and National Front member called Jared. Now, being Jewish, I’m naturally against anyone who confesses a love of geology, so when I picked his name out of the hat I hatched my plan.

Final team meeting of the year and the pressies were given out. Jared had a medium sized parcel about the size and shape of a paperback book, but lighter. Inside the cheap wrapping was a cardboard box, inside that a pass-the-parcel made up from sheets of A4 printing paper, on each was one word:

I’m
going
to
let
you
into
a
secret

then inside the ‘secret’ sheet, a tiny box, which used to contain cufflinks…

…and inside that a note: “Grow up, there IS NO FUCKING SANTA CLAUS, arsehole”

Well, OK, fair cop this didn’t actually happen, but put this down as one of my regrets instead.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 13:30, Reply)

A friend in need
With a limit of £5 and a single friend to buy for what else to get her but nipple tassles!!Was well worth the money especially as she insisted on trying them out after a few too many drinks! They did the trick she pulled! So technically I gave nipples tassles and a boyfriend for secert santa and all for a fiver!!
(Ferrelcat, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 12:34, Reply)

Sniffle
I'm off work through injury, and as a result won't be taking part in any secret santa this year. I'll just be sitting home alone on christmas day.






While all my workmates are slogging hard at it, muhahaahah.
(menashem, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 12:03, Reply)

This year
we decided to buy one another gifts we'd like; so we invested in realistic models of tweeting birds (at £17 a throw from Paul Smith - lovely!).

Our corner of the office is now very much like an aviary. We are very very happy.

We felt that abusive presents tend to cause distress so avoided useless dildo's etc. Partly because wives and partners don't appreciate you coming home with something inappropriate so it gets binned.

Although I have wrapped up a potato in 17 layers of paper and given it to my boss.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 18 Dec 2006, 11:56, Reply)

Woman with a 'Magnum' or a Ronny if you are from Dublin...
Anyone can have a fuzzy upper lip if they want one. I am not being a hair nazi. I have the odd tweezer moment myself, but this woman loved herself. As my Da would say, if she was chocolate she would eat herself (the mind boggles). She had reduced the Junior to tears over something stupid and was generally disliked for being superior and unpleasant.

Well anyway Magnum pi as she was known amongst the less well paid and over confident amongst the staff was the name I got for secret santa. So I bought eyelash curlers and placed inside instructions for how to get a nice bouncy upper lip.
I am not nasty, honest I am not.
(Siouxfan I'm not staring at you, I am just short sighted, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 11:47, Reply)

Don't know who it was...
But someone gave me the b3ta.com book of sick jokes. Result!
( barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 11:38, Reply)

Bald Ian said "I hate secret Santa because every year I get a fucking wig"
This year he got an Elvis one.
( krang, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 11:13, Reply)

The last time I did Secret Santa...
My chosen recipient was excited yet confused as to how someone could have gotten them such a massive gift for a mere £5 (the max you were allowed to spend).

All was revealed when he opened it to find two large boxes of weetabix taped together.
( wangmaster2000, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 11:08, Reply)

me
I didn't like my boss, and she didn't like me. As luck would have it, I picked her name out of the Secret Santa hat.

So I gave her a signed photo of me. Wonder if she knew who it was from?
(spastic_lequeer, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 11:05, Reply)

Today at 8pm
The poor girl who got me as a secret santa will be opening their tastefully wrapped gift and discovering a real.... kangaroo scrotum.

Sounds like a hideous gift? Well for your information it has been crafted to form a delightful coin purse. Something every girl about town needs!


My first post... woo!
(Lissy, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 10:56, Reply)

This Thursday
Unfortunately this QOTW will be over before I found out whether I've been bought a vibrating condom (I have been single for, um, multiples of years) or hand-made Lemon Party coasters (for me? *sniffle* you shouldn't have...). I did save myself a little trouble by going up to the girl whose name I drew and asking her what she wanted.

Secrets suck.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 8:19, Reply)

Done a Secret Santa two years ago
We all were given names of other members of staff, and I got one of the lads from the team. So, I promptly buy him a few things then wrap it and deposit in the pressie pile and keep quiet.

We all meet up for our Xmas meal in a place called Cafe Mambo in Swansea; it's quite an exclusive posh club for Swansea as it doesn't have chavs in there. We have our meal, and afterwards we give out the pressies. They start going around the table, and I start to notice that all the gifts are actually quite nice. It gets to my gift; I have given to me a Kronenburg drinking set. Shit.

We reach Neil; he's been looking at this pressie for a while and wondering what the hell it is. He opens it to find a bunch of bananas, a pack of condoms and a tube of squeezy cheese :) He ate the bananas and the cheese in work the next day though :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 7:57, Reply)

We did a couple this year in college
A tutor group one, £5 limit. Everybody else gave out cuddly reindeers and chocolate. I gave inflatable boxing gloves. I'm yet to receive anything. *grumble*


And a friends one, £10 limit. I got my boyfriend, a week before he was my boyfriend. He's scared of walruses, so I did what any kind caring girlfriend would do. I bought him four cuddly walruses.


Oh shut up, he's getting Christmas sex to lessen the fear.
( Kittenpants, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 5:48, Reply)

the ungiven gift
We organised a secret santa at my uni, with my group of mates. I drew the name of a dude I fancy the pants off out of the festive hat, and had a brilliant one planned for him....

....but being an unorganised bunch of twazzocks, we never got round to actually doing the secret santa (I blame lots of essays)

my gift choice? Me turning up at his door in a sexy santa costume to be his slave for the day....

And now he'll never know! ( well, until next year, when I plan on seducing him!)

*comment virginity thus lost. Length? Hey, It's not what you've got, it's how you use it!*
(GlowingRoses, Mon 18 Dec 2006, 0:47, Reply)

I always get my loved ones petrol-soaked fake moustaches for Christmas.

It's such a joy to watch their faces light up.
( Lord Keeps meaning to procrastinate., Sun 17 Dec 2006, 23:33, Reply)

UWA Penbryn Hall of Res
So in our corridor, there was the necessary headcase. I mean, grade A sanction material, I'll list most of his stuff when an appropriate QOTW appears so I can win it through his genius. We all called him Benny, as he introduced himself by explaining that his old history teacher told him he looked like Mussolini (he's about 5"4).

Having got secret Santa with a guy on our the American football team in our corridor's choose-from-the-hat, he received a cocksock shaped like a reindeer (it looked surprised, though so would I), and a packet of "sex dust". There are lepers as are more likely to get nearer to women than him.

Yeah. Er...Yeah.
(Cheesecake Like a cake...But cheese, Sun 17 Dec 2006, 23:09, Reply)

Post troll thong
We have an office post-troll. He's pushed his trolley for well over 30 years. He's a short warty man, who pinches your hips after his lunchtime pint and only has three phrases: a) 'Alright', b) 'Yep' and c) 'No I'm bloody not'(normally in response to the greeting question 'Are you alright?' if the answer is not a).

Post-Troll is not the sort of man you could ever imagine being involved with any sort of lady. Ever.

Two years ago, he got given a pair of squashie boobs. He was quite embarrassed. Although he should maybe have been grateful.

Having correctly suspected the Ape-man of Accounts of being the guilty santa, he asked him. Ape-man denied all knowledge, and blamed me.

I hate Secret Santas. But I always try to buy a nice, thoughtful gift for my recipient.

Last year, I got an edible thong. In front of the whole office. Cue tumbleweeds of embarrassment. Cue me raging round the office trying to find the culprit.

Cue me finding out it was Post-Troll, who, after a year of civil 'alright yeps' had been storing up his misdirected dish best served cold for 365 whole days. Hideous.
(whatswiththemonkey, Sun 17 Dec 2006, 22:40, Reply)

I do a secret santa....
...on another website community I'm on. This year I sent my randomised American friend 2 CDs that he posted he wanted.

I'm still waiting for mine, but I'm sure it will be cool when it gets here :)

I like secret santas !
(gunken 100% better than tungsten, Sun 17 Dec 2006, 22:16, Reply)

How wrong could I be...
1) My first year out of Uni in a proper job; a month into the job I get the office bike as my secret Santa. I bought her a pregnancy kit. I thought it was comic genuis. She burst into tears and spent the rest of the day in the toilet. Being the last day of work, we all go for beer afterwards and I learn a couple of things.

I had no idea she was shagging the married MD and was pregnant with his baby. She must have thought that I was going to blackmail her.

Ah well...

2) I was once working for a German company, and the boss woman was a bi-atch. I came in on the last day before Xmas, and she hands me the company envelope. I hand her what looks like an Xmas card.

Her's contained £200 cash, with a note on how well I had been performing.

The one I gave to her expained how she could insert her head up her arse, that she could take this as my official resignation and include one of those Xmas clip-on moustaches trimmed to look like Hitler's tash.

Fair swap, I feel...
(gjb006, Sun 17 Dec 2006, 21:24, Reply)

Mexican Wrestling Mask
No, I don't know why.
( HexShaped remembers when this was all fields, Sun 17 Dec 2006, 20:41, Reply)

I got a haiku:
"Jews on safari -
map, compass, elephant gun,
hard sucking candies."

*Hilarious penis joke*
(abignumber, Sun 17 Dec 2006, 19:36, Reply)

AAAWWW FUCKING HELL
I dont have any answers fro this qotw because i dont have a job and can't get secret santa stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff
(abignumber, Sun 17 Dec 2006, 19:29, Reply)