my poem...
as part of a school war poetry competition...

bombs away
bombs away
let the bombs fly free

blow up the houses
blow up the street
blow up hitler and his smelly feet
(dickybt, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 17:25, Reply)

booooooo
i forgoted my poemtry...owwwwei

oh, no,
you my foe,
ill rip your head of and shit down your neck you inbred cat fucker.

:)
(Geoff Leopard, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 17:09, Reply)

Supermarkets
Netto Netto
Cheap And Nasty
25p For A
Corned Beef Pasty

(optional extra bit)

Shop All DAy
Shop All Night
Fill Your Bags
With Loads Of Shite

or maybe a tesco influenced one would go down well

Lets All Go To Tescos
Where You All Buy Your Best Clothes

yes im sad. and bored
(Geoff Leopard, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 17:00, Reply)

skins
My one skin goes over my two skin,
My two skin goes over my three.
My three skin goes over my foreskin,
So pull back my foreskin for me.
(flarkey, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 16:58, Reply)

My Po-yum

Spring has sprung,
the grass has ris.
I wonder where the birdies is?
(flarkey, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 16:56, Reply)

Think I'm reverting to an angst-ridden teen
I'm not doing that, I said,
You must think I'm off my head.
Work for you for nowt a day,
And they say crime doesn't pay

I'm better than that, so on I sign
And collect my dole stood in a line
Made up of Anglo Saxons like me.
Johny doesn't have an NI number, you see.

But I'm too blind drunk at 3 am,
When I'm buying my kebab from them,
To realise minimum wage is just for me
And doesn't help Johny feed his family.

I seem to miss the irony
Of parasites complaining about being bitten,
And in the glory of the country of which I profess pride
By my conduct being smitten.
(Garnett, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 16:45, Reply)

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hill
the reason was I bunked off school
pretending I was ill


( Vultan the real one I threw my little yellow shoe, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 16:43, Reply)

Worthy of Wordsworth:
Cliché - Touché, by Chris C.

"Your face could launch a million ships,"
I said to Mary's face,
"Your face could sink a million ships,"
She served a perfect ace.
"Your eyes are like a sky of stars,"
I tried with all my might,
"Your teeth are like the stars," she said,
"For they come out at night."
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 16:38, Reply)

Something like this?
My name is Elvis Presley Girls are sexy
Sitting in the back seat drinking Pepsi
Kings go Bow Queens go courtesy
boys go kiss kiss girls go wooooo!
(Sameranda, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 16:32, Reply)

Not teenage but...
...still proud of it. I was 9 for god's sake.

Imagine, if you will, an enormous letter 'Q' rendered as the back view of an elephant (tail of the 'Q' is elephants tail, couple of little legs added...) within which are scribed the words:

"Q is the elephant,
So large and so round,
large footprints appear
when Q is around"

Now that, my friends, is fucking poetry.
(testmeuk, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 16:27, Reply)

Does anybody know...
...the beginning to a schoolgirl chant that ended with "Boys go *kiss kiss* Girl go WOOO *flash knickers*"?

It's been driving me bonkers!
(Mogg Questioned her own sanity on, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 16:12, Reply)

We had to do Haikus.
About the only ones I remember are;

"Hot baths are better
than showers, as showers get
comics soaking wet."

And one about a friend of mine who had rather prominent eyeballs;

"Joel is a goldfish.
Some day his eyes will explode.
He lives in Chesham"

It was really a shame that they didn't tell us Haikus should feature a season.
(Glis, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 16:12, Reply)

Chainsaws
In year... 8, me and my friend Sianne wrote lyrics that went to the tune of "Torches", a hymn we had to sing in the *cough* choir. It goes...

Chainsaws, chainsaws,
Run with Chainsaws,
All the way to Ian Huntley's cell
Inject him with AIDS
with an unsterilized needle
Leave him to die
In a cold, dark bed.

Chop his balls off,
Run away,
Leave him to bleed without anasthesiae,
Nobody cares for the cold-hearted murderer
Kick him and he'll run furtherer and furtherer.
(The Disillusioned Starburst, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 15:55, Reply)

Witches
Me and my friend decided one day that we would be witches and therefore had to have rhymes and potions (using empty ink cartridges and bits of paper towels).
We came up with this 'genious' poem...

We are witches, 1 2 3
COunt our toe nails to our knees
We are creatures of the night
Loving dark and hating light.
Little children we like to eat,
Squash their heads with our feet.
HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HEEEEE
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA.

Hmm wsa good apart from there were 2 of us...not 3...
(wormeater, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 15:48, Reply)

Moogy Boobles -
The way I sang it was:

We are the Tufnell girls (or insert wherever you live)
We wear our hair in curls,
We wear our dungarees,
Down to our sexy knees,
I met a boy one day,
He gave me 50p,
To go behind the tree,
And have it off with me
My mother was surprised
To see my belly rise
My father jumped for joy
To see a baby boy
( rosie posie tingly bongly, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 15:42, Reply)

My 2 Cents
We, the privledged should be kind,
And share with others, not be blind,
An so then I shall be quite blunt,
That man named thRob's a stupid .... fool.
(tomshave, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 15:42, Reply)

Morning Poem...
This cheers me up every morning...

I woke early one morning
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,
He sang a song so lively,
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.
He sang of far off places
Of Laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
brough up the morning sun.
I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
And crushed his fucking head.
I'm not a morning person.
(wormeater, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 15:38, Reply)

Thought of this one just now about a ugly girl i know
There was a young girl called nicole
and she looked just like a mole
she had a big nose
and wrinkly toes
and that why we call her the troll

hee hee......im soo mean
(General Arfarfarnarf He who hesitates, Masturbates!, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 15:30, Reply)

To get a girl

Some think toes are funny
Some think toes are sweet
I think toes
Are litte rows
Of jewelery for feet

Didn't work...
( collapsibletank procreates, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 15:25, Reply)

a message in a female friend's birthday card, from 6th form.
If you were the village bicycle,
we'd all prefer to walk.
When you were born you were delivered by
a rino, not a stalk.
If you were the last woman on earth
and we were the only men,
we'd all turn homosexual
and god could start again.


(we liked her really. thats why we took the piss so much)
(Slinkachuu, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 15:24, Reply)

mmm. just voted for spankybumcheeks: jury-licious
Spanky bumcheeks rules,
His/her logic don't lie
ThROB's a chav innit,
His stupidity makes me cry.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 12 Aug 2005, 15:23, Reply)

Could post topical football songs but they are for another forum
Oh well ok just the one or two
A personal favorite, sung every match day by the one and only "OLD MAN"

I wanna be a Chelsea ranger
I wanna live a life of Danger
I wanna play the yids every week
Chase them up and down the street
Heres to the one that I love best
Every night I suck her breast
shag her standing
shag her lying
If she had wings
Id shag her flying
Now she's dead
Not forgotten
Dig her up
Shag her rotten
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH Cheeeeeelsea!

When I was young I had no sense
I bought a flute for 50 pence
The only song I could play
Was fuck the Pope and the IRA
DEE DEE DA DA DE DEE DA DA

P.s Come on you blues.
P.P.s apologies to the Catholics
(Dodgyb, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 15:15, Reply)

I have made hundreds of poems in my days
but they're all in dutch
( mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 15:07, Reply)

oh no you didn't
I seriously have an entire portfolio in the depths of my parents' house. You really don't want to know. More importantly, I really don't want to go there again.

PS: I usually never complain, but this is a superbly crap QoTW.
(Mabel DelTaco, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 14:54, Reply)

God I can't believe I am going to share this
In High School, It's fair to say I had a bit of a crush on a fine female called Lindsay, she played the flute and we were in the school band together.
Anyhoo, I sent her poetry (to no avail) and below is a sample:
"Lindsay when you play the flute
It makes your whole face seem so cute
To kiss you would be sheer bliss
but I can't get near your gorgeous lips"
There were others, but this is the only one I remember, and if the rest were as bad then I'm not surprised she had no interest in me.
oh, and also my talking* to Nick Abbot on Virgin Radio about it may not have helped :(
*read as: me stuttering and him ripping the piss out of me
( just mike, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 14:44, Reply)

At school
we used to sing this -

Teenagers, we are the teenagers,
We wear our dungarees down to our hairy knees,
I met a boy one day he gave me 50p,
we went behind a bush he counted 123 and stuck it into me,
My mummy jumped for joy it was a baby boy.

something like that anyway!
( moogy boobles, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 14:33, Reply)

spankybumchunks
Here, here.

Keep on going. We must force these Daily Mail readers away.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 12 Aug 2005, 14:28, Reply)

2 little poems...
I once bought a songbird,
And the fucker wouldn't sing.
I put him in the microwave,
And he popped before the ping.


Once I had a little stoat,
His fur was brown as shit,
I tried to stick him up my arse,
But the bastard would not fit.

.
(ShadowTail, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 14:22, Reply)

reading this again...
...it's no wonder that a) i always got As in English and b) he didn't try to find out who sent him that anonymous valentine's card... poor, poor man.

We pass each other upon the stair
I blush all red and play with my hair
You make me tingle you're such a hunk
I'll spy on you at lunch and watch you slam-dunk
Hoping to see a glimpse of your tum
Or maybe the outline of your studly bum
Your muscly legs send me all a-quiver
but it's time for biology - we're boiling liver
(chesty, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 14:19, Reply)

I Have No Arse.

I once rode a pure white horse,
Over fields of grass.
Stupid me forgot the saddle,
And now I have no arse.

The doctors tried their hardest,
To save my anal fate.
But alas, their work was to no avail,
And they had to amputate.

Living life with no buttocks,
Is no fun at all.
Can't sit down to save my life,
Why is life so cruel?

My poo comes out in all directions,
I have no faecal aim.
I am nothing but a big fat loser,
In life's rectal game.


/not teenage but it's a crap QOTW so I don't care.
(ShadowTail, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 14:18, Reply)