Terrible grandparenting
I've mentioned my grandparents briefly before. Horrible snobs and never had a nice think to say about me and my sisters. Wont have anything to do with my nephew who's mixed race and barely accept my adopted asian sister. In my youth they even admonished me for speaking with a broad Lancashire accent - like I could help it.

On their death beds I'm going to sit by their bed and relay every sordid detail of my hedonistic past - might even add a few things I haven't done just to really make their toes curl. E-by-gum.
( girlinthehole, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 13:59, Reply)

Neostenine's maker
Any begging line (at the end, or indeed on the second line) is crap...

Wish my folks had told me that...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 17 Aug 2007, 13:58, Reply)

Now I wonder...
Has anyone on this site had at least a halfay decent childhood?
(Daedalus, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 13:35, Reply)

Walsall Is Lovely
Walking through this delightful town the other day I saw a child fall arse over tit and drop the greasy burger it was carrying onto the fag end, bubble gum and pigeon shit infested street. Only to be picked up by its arm and told to 'Stop fucking sniveling and eat your fucking burger'

For any locals on board it was a Mr Sizzle burger, enough to make a anybody cry.
(Barry Chuckle has gone out in the thong to feed the pigeons, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 13:35, Reply)

I like this
Blah blah blah, parents something

Click I like this if you're bored of people who have stories that require a begging final line.

Can we stop this please?

Rant over, done, Goodbye.
(Neostenine's maker, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 13:29, Reply)

1st post
I love my parents dearly, but I am also very aware of their faults and how it has affected me. I remember being a very young child, hearing about my friends' parents getting divorced, and praying that mine would also. I don't know how they ever decided to get married, because they seem to have nothing in common and I doubt whether they even like each other. They just seem to put up with one another.

So what can one possibly do while trapped in what appears to be a loveless relationship? Well, my dad, an extrovert, opted for being an absent parent. When you aren't at home you don't have to deal with what is happening there. You get to turn a blind eye. My mom, an introvert that is prone to rages, decided to take her anger and frustration out on the children.

When I was 9 years old my mom again wanted to assault me. (She would call these episodes "disciplining" though.) I ran from her and we ended up having a face-off over a round dinner table. No matter how hard she tried to catch me, I remained on the opposite side of the table. This completely infuriated her. The table was partly set for dinner, and my mom had put out these large coaster things for putting hot containers on (do these have a name?). One of them was the closest thing at hand, so in another fit of rage she threw this at me. 5" by 7" of plywood hit me directly under the right eye. I had a black eye for about a week. I was fortunate though. In a parallel universe she hit me half an inch higher and I lost my eye. ;)

There are many other similar stories.

The result? I live 10,000km away from my parents.
(quimbayah, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 13:28, Reply)

Medical Parents
My mother was a nurse and dad was a doctor (both thankfully retired now). They say that if you have medical parents you are either kept in a hyperbaric chamber or left to bleed. Unfortunately I was the latter (although the former would be terrible as well i spose).

When i was about 9, I tried to make my own bow and arrow set. Using a craft knife to whittle.(why the hell did they give me a craft knife???) Oh dear. I predictably cut my fingers very badly. very badly. I cut all the tendons in my left index and middle finger. However mum and dad didnt think i needed to go to casualty or anything. So they cleaned the cuts, applied plasters, and left it at that. 2 weeks later when i took the plasters off and found that i couldnt in fact bend either of the fingers. I confronted my dad and he said that if i'd have had microsurgery then it would have been fine. but never mind we cant change the past eh?

Years later i found that they both were drunk that day and they just couldnt be bothered to take me to the hospital and then forgot about it in the morning.

TWO OF MY FINGER DONT BEND PROPERLY MUM AND DAD!

Click "i like this" if you would like me to send a scalpel bomb to my parents.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 13:19, Reply)

Kinda lucky
Ma and Pa Jugular had difficult childhoods themselves so did everything they could to make my childhood good. And indeed it was, they deserve not to be denegrated here.

So....have this instead....

My brother and sister in law breed, and although they're not bad parents, he looks like Ralf Little and she looks like Vicky Pollard.

Their children are lovely at the moment, but OMG, they are going to be the ugliest adults ever.
(Jugular, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 13:16, Reply)

ex-dad
My dad didn't come to my wedding in camden because he 'hates driving in London' (we live in Bristol)

For over a year he had a girlfriend that lived in croydon that he saw on a fortnightly basis

My sister goes to university in Chelsea and he went to her interview, helped her move etc.

I no longer have a dad.
(housetits is channelling Natalie Cassidy - then, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 13:00, Reply)

Thomas
My friend Claire used to live in a sh*thole called Gaydon a few years back. We were out washing her car one morning, when the neighbourhood kids came out on the green for a game of footie.
One delightful young mother leaned out of her window and shouted to her son "Thomas! Stop f*cking swearing!" Claire and I were in stitches.
Hmmm...wonder where he picked up that habit from?
(NJ, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 12:54, Reply)

Frank (2 posts below)
They probably did get glowing A level results - every other bugger did.
(kitescreech still here, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 12:53, Reply)

Me, I'm afraid
You know how babies love being thrown in the air and caught? Brings them out in little squeals of laughter.

They love it even more if you're walking along as you do it ... unless you're walking through a door.

Mind the doorframe. It's lower than you think.
(patently Was somewhere else on, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 12:53, Reply)

True, alas
On a train in Maidstone (town of hairdressers and pubs). A woman got on with two kids in tow. She looked like a prostitute: microskirt, clown make-up, face twisted into a vicious scowl of hate. I will call her Slag. The kids - boy and girl - must have been 6 or 7.

Slag: [To boy] You littel cant! You facking littel cant!
Boy: I din't do it! It wasn't facking me!
Slag: Who facking lost my facking handbag then? I giv it to you to look after!
Boy: It wasn't facking me, you cant!
Slag: {Cracks boy across head] Don't call me a cant, you facking littel cant!
Girl: It was a nigger.
Slag: Wot?
Girl: It was a fackin nigger stole your bag.
Slag: Facking nigger bastard! I should've guessed!
Boy: Don't say facking 'nigger'.
Slag: Wot you talking about?
Boy: They told us at school not to say 'nigger'.
Slag: That's cause they're all fackin niggers at your school!
Girl: There's lot's of niggers.
Boy: Dont say 'nigger' you cant!
Slag [Cracks boy about the head] Don't call your sister a facking cant, you facking littel cant!!
Passenger: Excuse me - would you mind not swearing all the time.
Slag: {Eyes roll insanely in her skull] WOT? You fack off, you fackin cant! Facking tell me how to facking speak in front of my own fackin kids you fackin bitch cant! FAAACCK OFF!

This was about ten years ago. I wonder if those children have recently received glowing A level results?
(frankspencer, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 12:39, Reply)

A kick up the arse is always funny
I'm the youngest parent at my kids school, also have tattoos and piercings, a regional accent and live in a council house so am therefore regarded with a mixture of suspicion and nervousness.So it did not go down well when after a particularily trying walk to school I aimed a light but well placed kick to my 3 year old sons backside. I'm not a smacker by nature but this was a comedy punishment to illustrate my annoyance
Cue my son playing to the whole fucking gallery, falling full pelt onto the tarmac and howling his little red faced head off. Bout a million concerned mothers with nothing better to do appeared from nowhere with tissues and sympathy
John Lewis shopping Slack wearing People carrier driving twat :-"Oh, poor little thing What happened?"
Me:- "oh I just kicked him up the arse, he'll be fine!"
John Lewis shopping Slack wearing People carrier driving twat:- (walking away muttering to equally old fussy mate)
Me:- (looks round nervously for social services SWAT team to appear)
My son survived and i think learnt a valuable lesson about the relationship between humour and violence
(insomniac girl all my best things are in hock, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 12:39, Reply)

Stupid toy name
My parents named my first teddy 'Death Warmed Up'.
(ShockerMocker, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 12:27, Reply)

my stepfather and stepbrothers
held mer down in a chair every saturday and made me watch horror films

The worst ones I can remember were Nightmare on Elm Street 3 and "Dolls" the supposed scariest film ever

I was 6

OMG LOL ACTUALLY TRUE QOTW POST! CLICK *I LIKE THIS!*
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 12:16, Reply)

Tesco - Hastings
I once saw a woman casually watching her 4 or 5yr old son do a shit next to a pallette of sugar in Tesco in Hastings. I have not been back to Hastings since. Or Tesco.
(inactionman, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 12:16, Reply)

..tying my pram to an Alsatian..
..one of the worst things that I was actually told about was my dad coming back from the pub one afternoon with me in my pram & our Alsatian dog quite aptly named 'whiskey'

he has tied the dog's leash to the handle of the pram as you do.. - next thing - whiskey sees a cat & starts to chase it - cue my Dad doing his best Ben Johnson impression (and he's not even black etc..)

nonobgag..
(CarolVorderman'sBumTurret, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 12:13, Reply)

McDonalds
Many moons ago I took Kite Jr., then aged about 4, to Worcester McDonalds for a meal and play in the ball park. In the BP are myself and 2 mums and our 3 kids, all about 4-5 YO, all playing together nicely. Then Kite Jr. screams and comes to me in tears and says one of the boys grabbed her round the throat. The 2 mums look concerned but none of us saw anything so I gave her a cuddle and she was OK. A few minutes later I looked up and saw the lad GRAB Kite Jr. round the neck and try and throttle her. I leap up, alert the mother and we see to our respective kids. Kite Jr. wants to leave so I am putting her shoes on and am waiting for the mother to say something - ANYTHING - to discipline her child.

Nothing.

She puts him on her lap and cuddles him !

WTF. I'm normally pretty calm and keep a lid on things but I blew at that.

"Aren't you going to tell him off ?"

"Don't tell me how to raise MY child !"

"But your kid just tried to throttle my child and you are CUDDLING him !?!?"

She cuddled him again.

We left.
(kitescreech still here, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 11:57, Reply)

We're bad parents...
We sent our kids our kids away for a couple of weeks to stay with their grandparents, they had a great time.

While they were away, we took the opportunity to 'tidy' their rooms -- which is a euphemism for 'throw away half their toys'.

They haven't noticed so far...
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 11:56, Reply)

not me but my dad
the otehr week over dinner he told me and my sister about how when he was a wee nipper he would be made to stand outside the pub while my grandparents were inside drinking (at this point me and my sister were a bit shocked) he then went on to explain how there was a utility box outside the pub that he would stand next to an sip away from a glass of sherry cunningly hidden there by my grandad

(que me and my sister thinking that it wasnt too bad then)
( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 11:53, Reply)

Action, No Thought
Whilst sitting down for a meal, my friend mentioned that he wasn't thrilled about the food, prompting his red-faced father to shout at him, "You'll eat it and like it, whether you like it or not!"

Classic.
( intesvensk can't recall when I last checked the newsletter, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 11:49, Reply)

My Ex-Father in Law's Favourite was...
"It's enough to make a black man eats his young!"

Tsk! Tsk!

And they say "the GOOD ol' Days"! Eh?
(AsADie, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 11:36, Reply)

Not my father but a mates,
used to always tell him "If you're not good a black man will come and steal your toys."
Aren't old people adorable!
( Paedosmile service with a grin., Fri 17 Aug 2007, 11:17, Reply)

and they wonder why they never see me
grew up in a house of constant slammed doors and shouting between the 'rents. I think in some perverted way they stayed together 'for the kids'. Put me off family life for good.
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Fri 17 Aug 2007, 10:53, Reply)

which was the b3tan
who said their father used to say to them:

"i'd have abused you as a child if you weren't so fucking ugly" ???

am i Wrong to find that hilarious enough to have remembered it?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 10:41, Reply)

not me but a friend...
his parents were very poor when he was a baby and couldn't afford to either buy film or have it developed.

But they didn't tell him this...

When he asked his mum why there were baby pics of his siblings but none of him she said:
"well you were such an ugly baby we threw them all away"
(bald old git was bemused and befuddled on, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 10:29, Reply)

Skelmersdale....
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/6950963.stm

be afraid of those highlights at least they are terrible!
(twiceydrinker hmmm is it pint time?, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 10:15, Reply)

"So you know how it feels..."
Both my parents are alcoholics. Aside from distinctly remembering them having sex in a caravan when I was younger, and actually witnessing my mum having an affair (on the sofa, with the builder/dad's mate) my parents are still.. well, terrible parents. During one particular drunken episode, my mum smashed a wine glass over my dad's head. He stormed into the PC room with a beer bottle threatening to smash it over my head if I wasn't on his side, and then I'd know how it felt to have glass smashed over my head... yes dad, I'll be on your side if you slice my skull open with a broken bottle, of course!

I got my revenge on my crazy mental-home parents though. Mum hates snakes. I brought home 9. Mum and dad hate dogs. I brought home a dobermann puppy. I have since moved/been kicked out.
( Bathory, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 10:14, Reply)

Can we get Philip Larkin into the top 10 posts?
Well known but not well known enough:

They fuck you up, your mom and dad
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-stylen hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can
And don't have any kids yourself.

Go on click "I like this" and we can get the old sod some posthumous streed cred:
(beaverwastemanagement a real company. I want to work for them!, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 9:55, Reply)