Frozen fish
Thaw frozen fish in a bowl of milk to remove the freezer taste. Helps with the fishiness too.
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:59, Reply)

candle wax
If you get candle wax on your carpet or clothing just place a square of kitchen roll over the wax and iron over it. lifts it off with out leaving a mark.

A hair dryer can also be used but doesn't work as well
(hamchicken&peas, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:58, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Want to watch your favourite movie?
Get a laptop with wifi, and randomly scan outside peoples houses until you can connect. Torrent it to the fuck, then drive home for a genuine "Drive In Movie" feel.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:58, Reply)

when polishing your shoes
wear socks on your hands, to prevent getting polish on your skin
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:57, Reply)

Vending machine rejecting your coins?
Lick one or both sides and then try it.
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:56, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

got expensive nappies?
Go to Lidl and buy "Vampas" which are made by Pampers and about £5 cheaper than Tescos.

Why do I know this????????
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:56, Reply)

going to cum too soon?
remove your self and grip your penis firmly with your thumb pressing the banjo string
until the stimulation subsides
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:55, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

got expensive cupboard locks?
have kids and suddenly find a use for them
( Just Flange, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:53, Reply)

Got cupboards?
save money on expensive children,
lock them in the cupboard when they want something.
( gaijintendo Regular Member, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:52, Reply)

got kids
dont bother with expensive cupboard locks, just let them drink the bleach and....hey-presto!! no more fucking nappies
( Just Flange, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:50, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

If you spill white wine on a pale surface ...
... liberally douse the stain with red wine immediately.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:48, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

*reads off Chocolate Frijj bottle*
....try mixing with some ice-cream for a frothy treat.

Here's a tip advertisers, try writing something fucking useful on your bottles. Some of your customers aren't kids; just dobbers.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:48, Reply)

This method to stop hiccupping works EVERY TIME
It sounds a little odd, but it really does work.

press one thumb against each nostril, so you cannot breath out of your nose. Then put a free finger in each ear. Now close your mouth and try to breath out as much as you can (you will look like pob at this point). Do this until you cannot carry on (about 20 seconds) and your hiccups will have stopped.
( mugatu, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:48, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Troublesome wasps bothering you at work?
Simply reach for the nearest spray bottle of industrial solvents. They will swiftly kill the wasp, with the bonus of you being high for half an hour afterwards.
/happened today blog
(Londingham ., Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:47, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Got Kids?
Instead of expensive cupboard locks, invite Ian Huntley for tea.
( Devon Dan without geometry, there would be no point, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:46, Reply)

Petrol (or gas for you americans)
If you are driving a new car (or a hire car, or a stolen car, or whatever) and you are unsure which side the petrol cap is on, look at the little petrol pump symbol on the dash. It will either be on the petrol gauge or on the low fuel light.

Whichever side of the little symbol the hose is on, that's which side of the cat the petrol cap is on.
(faragher dub, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:45, 9 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Don't be left out during Festive Feasting . . .
drill a small hole in the handle of your trusty Spork, complement with a nice bright piece of string, place around your neck, et voila! You have yourself a stylish emergency eating utensil ready for when you get the urge for more christmas pud!
( 42 Loves Teh Funphenschnaffles, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:45, Reply)

Cut one fingernail every day.
They'll all remain respectably short but you'll always have one long enough for scratching, nose-picking or separating lego bricks.
( teedyay, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:44, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Got Kids?
Instead of using expensive cupboard locks, duct tape your kids up.
( gaijintendo Regular Member, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:44, Reply)

havbing trouble with cats shitting in your flower beds?
sprinkle citronella liberally around
or use woodchip mulch
or a water filled jar
or get a pet snake
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:44, Reply)

Put party poppers on the top of garden canes
so you don't poke your eyes out when gardening.



True Top Tip from the pages of CHAT magazine.
( Ian Woosnam, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:42, Reply)

got kids
save money on expensive cupboard locks,
simply use duct tape
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:42, Reply)

Freezing worms makes them easier to sharpen

( Devon Dan without geometry, there would be no point, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:42, Reply)

scratches on mahognay furniture?
take a shelled wallnut and just rub it in, it will remove the majority of scratches as if they'd never been there!
( Just Flange, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:42, Reply)

hiccups?
breathe in as far as possible, and hold it until you think you might die
to test if it worked, do a cough
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:41, Reply)

If yer 'aircut goes wrong, wear an 'at.
/Essex Confucius
( cupboardy, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:41, Reply)

To avoid the embarrassing and often very audible 'splash' when you are laying a cable, simply line the toilet bowl with paper first.
( mugatu, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:40, Reply)

your tortoiseshell object gone dull?
rub it all over with sunflower oil, and buff to a high sheen
(n.b. do not use on live tortoises)
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:40, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

don't post messages on the board without an image
the board nazis flame you to death.
(b3tan senseless is slowly getting older, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:40, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

permanent marker on a smooth surface?
write over it with a board marker, and it'll rub right off
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:39, 18 replies, latest was 5 years ago)