Momentary, and shallow, but
Right now, it's this lovely hot frothy cappuccino and this lovely fresh hot buttery scone.

I'm starving and I didn't have any breakfast. If this place burns down now I'm damned if I'm going to deal with the fallout on an empty stomach.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 13 May 2008, 10:24, 106 replies)

I'll swap you that for
A cup of machine coffee, and a squidgy orange?
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 10:26, closed)

Now I'm hungry
I was up at silly o'clock this morning taking my best friend to hospital for an operation - she went under the knife an hour ago....
To be fair to her I didn't eat this morning either :(

Well...that's not entirely true, when the anaesthetist came around to chat to her at 8am (we'd been in the hospital for half an hour by then, so very fast service) I went off for a crap coffee and a soggy pain au chocolate.

I think perhaps coffee and a double chocolate cookie might be in order.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 13 May 2008, 10:39, closed)

I'll bid
Erm, well I still only have Irn-Bru. And Wotsits.

Orange food!!
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 10:40, closed)

No thank you
Somehow doesn't appeal...

*ho ho*

Edit: and I've eaten them anyway.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 13 May 2008, 10:40, closed)

Rubbish!
*cleans manky orange guts-stuff from hands*
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 10:43, closed)

@ Kaol
I know, but it's early.

Must've been a big orange to cover your big hands...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 13 May 2008, 10:44, closed)

No, it was
Small, but destroyed inside.
Horrible mess.

Anyway, shhh about my gigantic hands, everyone else will get jealous!
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 10:54, closed)

Y'know
What they say about people with big hands......





They hunt children for sport*.


*Factual accuracy to be confirmed at a later date.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 10:57, closed)

Absolutely
True.

I can confirm that I have big hands, and that I hunt children for sport.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 10:59, closed)

Huh
Who'd have thunk that my slander would turn out to be correct.

I know a girl with unusually large hands. They are bigger than mine, and mine are fairly big.

Out of interest, and possibly making me sound strange, in what way are they big?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 11:00, closed)

They're not
*That* huge...

8 inches from middle fingertip to bottom of palm, or 9 1/2 inches from thumb tip to little finger tip, stretched.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 11:03, closed)

Big hands
are no use.

They just make your cock look smaller.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 13 May 2008, 11:04, closed)

^ That's why
You have to get wanked off by children.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 11:07, closed)

@Kaol
My hands are only slightly smaller than yours, although i'm big all over so they don't look strange or out of proportion.
( girlinthehole, Tue 13 May 2008, 11:16, closed)

It's ok
You're still all woman.

(I think).
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 11:25, closed)

Well
Turns out I'm only about half an inch short of you each way.

It's useful for playing la piano and la guitar.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 11:30, closed)

Yeah,
I find it useful for playing bass.

And... For... Other stuff.
Like strangling hookers
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 11:38, closed)

@Kaol
I'm all women but with man hands and feet.
( girlinthehole, Tue 13 May 2008, 11:41, closed)

@BGB
who did you get them off, and how did you preserve them?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 13 May 2008, 11:43, closed)

Ah yes
Other stuff......
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 11:44, closed)

@BGB So...
Not "all" then?
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 11:45, closed)

@Al
I probably got them off my dad and having nordic blood flowing through my veins doesn't help. Think of a fat brunette Bridget Nielson.
( girlinthehole, Tue 13 May 2008, 11:48, closed)

@ BGB
You're not fat!
In order to be fat you'd have to wobble and waddle as you walk. You don't.

You're powerfully built.

My dad used to describe me as 'sturdy'...but somehow that doesn't sound as much as a compliment as he intended it to be (I think).
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 13 May 2008, 11:54, closed)

Round
We had a kid in our year at school who we referred to as "round". He had succeeded in becoming so wide that he had to turn sideways to fit through the doors.

He was also an awful person, got expelled, came back and through threw a chair at a teacher. The teacher ducked and it hit another pupil.


Hmm, this always seems less horrific out loud than it does written down.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:01, closed)

@ PoD
He couldn't have been that fat if he could get through a chair.

;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:18, closed)

I apologise
Whole-heartedly for that, it was inexcusable.

Stupid revision has broken my head.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:24, closed)

Haha!
Look at you!
Your rubbish!
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:26, closed)

Da-da-da-DAH! CHICKENLADY TO THE RESCUE!
She's the greatest, she's fantastic, wherever there are colons she'll be there. She's the ace, she's AMAZING! She'll check your commas and your spelling, she's the best!

chickenlady (da-dah-da)
chickenlady! (Da-Dah-Da)
CHICKENLADY! (DA DA-DA-DA DA DA, DA DA DA-DA-DA DAH DAH DAH DA! DA-DAH!)
(Bazongaloid, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:28, closed)

@Kaol
You're just asking to be the victim of her fiery grammar-based wrath.

And for some reason when I read 'wherever there's a colon, she'll be there', I didn't think of the right type of colon at first....
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:30, closed)

^ ^
Come on Mr Pod, Al wrote that, I'm suprised that was as subtle as it was.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:33, closed)

Mr? MR?!?
Saying 'Mr' makes me sound responsible or somesuch. Me no like.

And yes, I'll give you that. No goats or any other such things were mentioned, all fairly good, clean fun.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:34, closed)

he heh heh
I thought that was subtle too. It was a passing reference to her comments regarding Meg Ryans back door love hole her breaking in of young men to the ways of the world.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:35, closed)

It was implied
In a sarcastic way.
I still love you though, you're like a slightly annoying, but pretty funny little brother.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:36, closed)

Was that
Aimed at me or al?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:39, closed)

At you.
Al is like a creepy older cousin.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:40, closed)

Aww
I feel so special.

The kind of cousin you always feel a bit awkward around?

And also, did GTA work?

*Not the hot kind, the disturbing kind.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:42, closed)

Yeah,
Like, he used to be in the army, came back a bit odd, and might do something depraved at any second.
Not in a dangerous way, just a bit odd.

Er, yeah GTA worked, after a couple of false starts.
Thus I look like I've not slept in 4 nights today.

(Because I haven't...)
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:44, closed)

How I envy you
If only I had the time for such things, or the money.

Instead I got dragged out to play football for the first time in 6 years by my flatmates.

Due to my hayfever, by the end of it I was panting like an asthmatic whore. Thoughts of possibly dying crossed my mind.

Junk food soon did away with those thoughts, and made everything better again.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:47, closed)

Ta Da!
Kaol are you taking your rubbish with you?


And nowhere did I ever say that Meg Ryan was having a spot of colon cleansing....I said bottom...an entirely different matter*.


*Although, despite what the director, Jane Campion says, it is agreed that the scene does show the first ever mainstream cinema showing of rimming
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:50, closed)

I wouldn't
Envy me...

I was at a mates house last night, having a bit of a guitar/bass/singing session (aka: band practice), and my hayfever was playing up, so I blew my nose, and *BAM*

Blood Explosion

I managed to not get any on the cream leather sofa, or on the white carpet.

It was all over my hands, so I ran to the kitchen and bled into the sink for about twenty mins.

EDIT: Oh yeah, I had my head tilted back, to slow the blood flow. And I could feel it running down my throat.

This morning I had a glass of water, and it tasted salty.

Means that some blood had clotted to the inside of my throat. Nice...
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:50, closed)

blimey
I go away to do some proper work for a couple of hours and you're all bantering away on my post!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:55, closed)

Gah!
Missed the breakfast-swap. Had bran-flakes for breakfast today.

Good to see Chickenlady has put on her Superchicken costume and is fighting grammar-crime.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:55, closed)

Bran flakes?
www.b3ta.com/questions/treasuredpossessions/post157760 ?
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:58, closed)

Ok then
You win I suppose in that you are still feeling the effects of yours this morning, whereas I feel alive again and am no longer considering dying.

And why, oh why were you doing proper work hlt?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 12:59, closed)

@Kaol
Nah! Only ate a single bowlful this morning.

Oh, and sorry to hear about the nose. Hope it gets better.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 13 May 2008, 13:00, closed)

Nose is fine thanks!
As long as I don't blow it too hard *ahem* I'll be fine.

Right, I'm off to look at a car that's for sale down the road.

Catch you guys a bit later.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 13:03, closed)

Why in the name of all that is holy
does Kaol have such pale flavoured decor? That just seems a bit wrong to me.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Tue 13 May 2008, 13:18, closed)

@ Penguin
Cos the whole place will fall apart round my ears if I don't.

@ Kaol, sorry to hear of the bleeding, hope you're all better now.

@ Penguin again, how is Captain Pingu today? Is he still wearing his little hat?

@ Kaol again - what kind of car?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 13 May 2008, 13:21, closed)

Well
That's a reasonable excuse for doing some work I suppose. I would just let the place fall apart, demand a pay rise, then do some work.

And yes, he surely is wearing his hat. It looks kind of like a tiny beanie, I made it from a wrist band. And he is good.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 13:49, closed)

I think I should start wearing
A hat.
Suggestions anyone?

On topic: I have a hat that I love that I'd save from a fire.
It's a black "watchman" type beanie from a military shop.
It's been to Africa, Russia, Finland, and a fair few other places with me.

I look like a burglar when I wear it though...
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 14:21, closed)

A fedora
They are well cool.

Or a bandana.

Or a fez.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 14:26, closed)

I have a lovely pink beanie from Fat Face
When I wear it I look like a snowboarder, apparently.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 13 May 2008, 14:37, closed)

Maybe...
Damn I'm bored this afternoon.

...

No accidents happened at all this week or last week...
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 14:40, closed)

Correct me if I'm wrong
But is a lack of accidents not a good thing?

I may well be mistaken.

You can do revision for me if you want to stop your boredom? I really can't be bothered with it.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 14:41, closed)

It's good...
But I get bored if none happen.

*contemplates shouting "FREE ICECREAM" over the tannoy*
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 14:43, closed)

Do it
What possible repercussions could there be?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 14:46, closed)

A stampede
And many, many fights.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 14:48, closed)

Ok, I shall rephrase
What possible negative repercussions could there be?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 14:50, closed)

The fights
Would be burly, tattoo'd factory workers beating poor little me up.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 14:52, closed)

Hmm
Well that perhaps wouldn't be a great result.

Do you not have any fun gadgets you can play with? Lasers, or lathes or somesuch?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 14:56, closed)

No...
I've got my knife, and my computer.
And an orange.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 15:00, closed)

Ooooooo
You should definitely play a game I came up with one day:

Knifey-orangey.

It was originally intended for two people, but I'm sure you could adapt it.

Basically, the rules for two people are that one person throws an orange at the other, and the other person tries to catch it on the knife.

I'm sure you could just throw it to yourself and try and catch it. Plus it may result in an interesting health and safety accident report write up.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 15:03, closed)

I did a similar thing
With apples and my katana.

Fuck, I'd save my katana from a house fire, that'd have to be slung over my shoulder.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 15:09, closed)

The problem
That we found with oranges was that they lost all structural integrity very quickly. Tried it with potatoes too, but it didn't seem to go as well.

I wish I had a katana.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 15:12, closed)

I love mine.
But if i had to fight for my life, I'd take my cleaver over it, any day.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 15:17, closed)

You worry me
More and more every day.

Oh well, not much I can do about it now.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 15:21, closed)

It's ok
I'm off work Thursday and Friday, so you get two days madness-free.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 15:25, closed)

Wow
Not only might I succeed in getting first post, but I also might manage to get some revision done for the other two exams.

Or I could just talk to hlt and people instead.

I wonder which is more likely?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 15:28, closed)

Option 2.
You should take Option 3) though.

That is to say you should eat a jar of peanut butter, tie some string to a washer, and swallow it.

Feed the string through your system, keeping hold of the end, until you can give yourself a Full Body Floss when the other end comes out, peanut-fresh.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 15:32, closed)

..
Problem 1 - I dislike peanut butter

Problem 2 - That's just wrong. So, so wrong.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 15:43, closed)

hello again
I like the idea of us all wearing hats in the name of b3ta.

I have got a pink beanie hat but chickenlady has beaten me to it. But I have also got a pink beret, so I might wear that instead.

How exciting it will be when I see other people wearing hats - they might be other b3tans!

Sorry for being away. I have had to be in charge of a scary meeting, but it was ok because I made it less scary by taking tiny muffins to share with everyone

*beams benificently at everyone*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 13 May 2008, 15:47, closed)

Hoorah for mini-muffins!
I like mini-muffins. All cake based goods really.

I'd probably go for my black beanie, it's fleece lined, and I wear it pretty much every day, even when it's far too warm.

Either that, or the hat a friend knitted for me. It has three points at the top and makes me look like a cat when I wear it.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 15:51, closed)

Good work!
I like muffins.

The ones with fruit in them are the best.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 15:57, closed)

PoD
You have a friend knitted by your hat?

How odd.


All of my friends are knitted by kittens, and snails.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 13 May 2008, 15:59, closed)

@chickenlady
I can't see anything wrong with what I have written. Care to enlighten me?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:01, closed)

Hmmm...
*throws Molotov at PoD*

Enlightened yet?
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:03, closed)

*Drinks molotov*
BOOM!

My word, haven't had wind like that in ages.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:11, closed)

Chickenlady you fibber
snails can't knit, their little eyes stalks are nowhere near strong enough to hold the needles.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:13, closed)

@ Al
No, the little ones aren't, but the bigger, upper set are more than strong enough.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:15, closed)

Kaol
Just because you have them doesn't mean you have to use them.

And I still really can't see what was wrong with what I wrote.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:17, closed)

That's the
Problem Mr Pod, isn't it?
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:17, closed)

Oh PoD
If you can't see the problem, then you don't deserve to be enlightened.

Heh heh heh

*wrinkles forehead and tries to see problem too*
(Bazongaloid, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:18, closed)

You can keep your enlightenment then
I just want to know what is wrong with it.

I haven't edited it, and it makes sense to me, unlike the poultry-madame's reply.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:20, closed)

Can you both
Honestly not see the problem?
I'm shocked.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:21, closed)

No
No, I cannot.

Screw y'all.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:31, closed)

*Shakes head*
Dear oh dear boys....

You just don't see it do you PoD?


And that is why (*she says pompously) I am the teacher and you are the student.


Well, if you can't see it I'll just have to show you....
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:32, closed)

Come on then pedants
Show it to me.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:33, closed)

Oooo, yes
show us chickenlady, show us like the naughty boys we are. you know you want to.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:34, closed)

Well.....
See it's like this....

There's this website....

It's called B3ta.....


Sometimes the people who post are utter, utter bloody pedants and pendants....

And sometimes they like to play with other members......


Mmmmmwwwwwaaaaahhhh!*

*Big wet kiss


*Runs away
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:37, closed)

..
I truly hate* you all.


*Love.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:38, closed)

*Loves in the eye, hard*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:39, closed)

Haha!
Kaol McWilkins: Playing "Knifey Orangey" with the brains of the general population.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:40, closed)

..
Why are you loving me in the eye?

*enjoys*



You stay away from knifey orangey!!

Go back to playing with apples and swords.

To put it in the words of someone who once shouted at me a lot:

"It's not yours, you can't have it!!"
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:43, closed)

In the words of /talk
*bums*

EDIT
Or should that be in the words of Bums, /talk?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:44, closed)

Well now
I am now just thoroughly confused, and apparently getting loved in the eye.

This has got infinitessimily strange.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:50, closed)

I'll
Pay.

With Nazi gold.
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:54, closed)

This, dear PoD
is what happens when I have deadlines to meet....

I will try every procrastination technique known to man, woman and chickenkind, just to avoid writing the article I'm paid to write.

And I'm feeling in a daft mood.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:55, closed)

Tell me about it
I have an exam tomorrow afternoon and should really be revising hard.

Oh well.

How much gold, Kaol?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 16:58, closed)

Er...
Zwei Gelt.
Ja?
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 17:00, closed)

Hmm
My german may be a bit rusty, not done it since 4th year at school, but does 'gelt' not just mean money?

So 2 'money'?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 17:02, closed)

Yes PoD
two generic "monies" of the germanic persuasion. That is what you cost.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 13 May 2008, 17:06, closed)

Harsh, Monsieur le Geordie
Harsh.

And I do believe it refers to how much he is offering to buy knifey orangey.

At least I hope so.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 17:08, closed)

He may say Herr Penguin
but in reality he wants your first, your last and your everything.

Bye for now, and good luck with your exam tomorrow. I am away, to Peterborough, and beyond!
(Bazongaloid, Tue 13 May 2008, 17:15, closed)

Yeah,
Good luck with your exam my 2-pound wonder-boy.

Give it your best shot, and if you feel yourself fucking it up, fake a siezure.

*goes home for a potentially disasterous dinner-date*
( Cawl, Tue 13 May 2008, 17:33, closed)

Oh no!
I've missed all this fun!

good luck with your exam mr penguin

*mwah!*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 13 May 2008, 17:41, closed)

Thanks to yous alls
I'm sure it might go ok.

Yeah. I'm sure it will.


I was just listening to Endless Love before I read that.

Captain Procrastination Captain Study away!!
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 May 2008, 17:54, closed)