» Well, that taught 'em

sticky
At the age of seven, me and my half albino friend (yes, thats right!)would regularly go back to his house after school. Problem was, at the end of his garden where we liked to play, was a fence.

Other side of that fence was a lot of bigger boys who would spend their time smashing up my half albino mates fence.

So we get a bucket, and collect up every bit of cat shit, dog shit, mud, mouldy fruit and veg from the compost heap, and put it into the bucket. After Pissing and shitting in it ourselves we stir it up, and leave it and a chair by the fence and carry on playing.

When the big boys start kicking the ball at the fence, we start to mouth them off (as much as a seven year old can). Leaving their ball alone they promptly come over to the fence and start kicking it. Needless to say, we tip it over them. The battle is won and they smell of shit.


Apologies for length and obvious outcome.
(Thu 26th Apr 2007, 18:06, More)

» Shoplifting

the greater good
Whenever using a computer (well, keyboard) that isn't my own, I'll stick my pen into the gap between the keys and steal the insert key.

I just don't like it, and the key is never missed by anyone.
(Sat 12th Jan 2008, 0:07, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Oh Dear
One day there was a preganant women who walked past a bank.
Unfortunately the bank was being robbed, and she was shot three times. Fortunately she was fine, and she gave birth to three lovely children. Two girls and one boy.
When they were around 15 years old, one of her daughters came up to her and said," I was pissing and a bullet popped out of my cunt" the Mum replied " oh thats odd". A couple of days later her other daughter came up to her and said "mum i was pissing and a bullet popped out of my cunt." the mum replied " oh, hmmmm, i think I know whats happening now."
A couple of days after that her son came up to her and said " mum..." but he was interupted by his mother who said "let me guess you were pissing and a bullet popped out." The boy replies "NO, i was wanking and i shot the dog!"
(Tue 6th Dec 2005, 15:50, More)

» Crazy Relatives

Great Aunty Winnifred
once sewed herself into her cardigan - as she was obsessed with sewing nametags to clothing. she also liked shortbread...
(Wed 11th Jul 2007, 21:41, More)

» Rock and Roll Stories

Went to the Nme tour..
and mystery jets, we are scientists, maximo park and arctic monkeys were playin there.
ABout half way through the monkeys set the lead guy asks wot song we wanna hear, a new one or one off their album. The crowd cheers for the album song and about four people cheer for the new one. Fucking twunt plays the new one which is shit. Cockhead
(Fri 30th Jun 2006, 13:32, More)