» Local Nutters

town full of schizo's.
The town I was born and raised in had a peculiar set of circumstances which made it alot cheaper for the other huge Ontario towns (toronto, ottawa, etc) to send their mentally insane here and put them on medication rather then keep them in a hospital or anywhere they can be observed or otherwise get treatment, so we had/have numerous big city schizo's, paranoids, delusionals, etc, roaming the streets. Let's see...there was one schizophrenic who was apparently a nudist, and at random moments when he was outside he'd get the urge to take off his clothes, and would do so until the coppers made him dress and go back to his apartment. Oh, and when he's in his apartment, he opens all the windows and stands infront of them stark naked and watch all the people down on the street mumbling to himself. He wouldn't touch himself or anything, he just seemed to prefer his birthday suit. There was another fellow who was short and fat, with black greasy hair going to a full face beard thing, and insisted on being called Ringo...umm...a big fat bald guy with a gigantic white biker beard who'd wear brown slacks with brown suspenders, and a soiled white undershirt, who'd push around a shopping cart often full of scavenged junk. He had the worlds most ugliest set of teeth, and would whistle very poorly and off-key, usually saying "you're a bad boy/girl, aren't you?" to people who'd make the mistake of meeting eyes with him. Everybody called him Santa. By far the towns favourite is some woman known just as the nazi lady. She looks rather emaciated, always wearing surplus hospital garments, often accompanied by pink rubber kitchen gloves, with very unkempt hair. She has a rather twitchy walk, and is always muttering to herself, usually about how the nazi's are trying to take over. If one ever says anything to her in german she totally flips out and usually runs to this spot beside a greek restaurant where a building was knocked down several years ago and is now just a patch of gravel, then does what appears to be praying to the white stone side of the greek restaurant. Sometimes she wails on post boxes, once she beat on the side of the bank of montreal building with a hockey stick screaming about them being in league with the germans. By far the most unusual personal experience so far with her has been me with a buddy and a friend of his, walking downtown. Up ahead was a little parkette between businesses, and as we approached suddenly the nazi lady lept out as if hiding behind the wall waiting for us to approach. She proceeded to hurl a holy bible at us, which hit the friends friend square in the chest and fell to the sidewalk, at which point the nazi lady pointed at him and screamed (almost cackled) "Let's see you get married now!!!" then dashed back into the parkette and made her escape through a connecting parking lot. Oh, how I wish I could be making this up.
(Thu 16th Sep 2004, 13:29, More)

» Beautiful Moments

warning: big fecking post ahead
Well, where to start? I've become rather Zen in my outlook and so could find a moment of beauty in a flower on the side of a cliff even as I'm plunging off it to my death. Well, first off, my cats.
The grey long hair on the left is Tenshi and the black and orange short hair on the right is Buddha. Their antics bring a smile to my face and Tenshi's affectionate behavior when she wants something, though shallow, is always something to behold. The next is of course my best friend/lover/mate mentioned in previous QoTW. When we open our eyes at the same time in the morn in each others arms, when I roll over ontop of her for that fuzzy morning loving, the way she looks at me sometimes and I can't help but get giddy inside and think "and she's all mine!", absolutely everything about her and how we are together touches my heart. Other things that aren't things done by me but are just things that I observe innate in nature are quite amazing. Midnight in the summer and I take a look outside, fullest and brightest moon I've ever seen, a layer of mist as tall as the barn on the ground, everything lit up so spectacularly like a movie special effects effort. Laying on the lawn under bunch of blankets with the family at midnight on a summer night looking up at the stars with the milky way spilling across the sky from one horizon to the next, the northern lights to the north, comets here and there blazing across the sky, fireflies blinking in and out of sight. In Algonquin Park canoeing with my Pa and several other people, being woken up a misty morning by the sound of a loon just as the sun is breaking, or after dark at a camp site, a campfire with the tents set up around it, down at the waters edge sitting on a rock looking out into the Canadian Wilderness hearing the fire crackling, the water lapping at the rocks, the wind in the trees. Seriously, the moments on my canoe trips with my father are too numerous to mention, the humbling innate awesomeness of being in the middle of nowhere in Algonquin Provincian Park puts me in awe. Lastly is something that happened just two weeks ago. It was getting to dinner time and I was out in the barn putting a few things away as the sun began to touch the horizon. Being as it was getting to twilight, my pet raven (yes, living on a farm I have a pet raven rescued from certain death when she was just a hatchling. Don't believe me? [http://ca.geocities.com/[email protected]/raven.jpg]) was coming back from wherever she goes during the day. I was walking towards the house on the stone tile walk way and she was coming out of the north towards me but was coming in too fast to land on my shoulder so she swooped just over my head and pulled up, causing her to quickly arc up and lose all momentum, and right at that point she folded her wings in to her body and continued to go upside down while simultaneously doing a shoulder roll so now she was just slightly behind and above me, opened her wings again, gave a single flap to orient herself while reaching out with her leg talons and putting her feet on my left shoulder and making her landing. The grace and beauty in that single act of aerial acrobatics that she performed flawlessly and made look so simple filled me with awe and even a little envy in a way that it was so cool and stunning that I wish I could do it myself.
Oh, to all those who keep using that "Appy Polly Loggies, my post is as big as my wang" joke, en garde! :P
(Sat 12th Mar 2005, 4:53, More)

» Strange things you've been paid to do

easy money
Back in late high school some underaged kid asked me to buy him a pack of smokes, so I pinched the money and walked off. I did that little shit a favour, not buying him cigs and all. Not really something paid to do, but paid to do but didn't and nicked the money anyways.
(Fri 1st Oct 2004, 0:06, More)

» My Worst Vomit

chunder on a swing
I can remember as a young boy I thought it nifty that I could call up ralph at will by snorting hard through my nose, which after a few minutes would bring up the sick. I don't remember my exact age at the time of this incident, but it was somewhere between 6 to 9. Me and my older brother were on the swing set at the farm having a merry time seeing how high we could swing. I had an itch on my nose, so tried to wiggle my nose and snorted to get rid of it. Bad idea. For some reason that instantly hit that spot and with out warning I opened my mouth and barked up the contents of my stomach. This was of course just as I was reaching the lowest point of the forward swing so my ballistic breakfast sprayed all over my legs and blew back on my chest, continuing up to the apex of the forward swing thus firing a good arc of my aerial bile manoeuver up and over the lawn infront of me, ceasing as my momentum changed and carried me backwards. Cue me leaping off the swing and running in the house to change clothes and clean off. Never since have I dared to intentionally try and laugh the technicolour rainbow. Though my brother got quite the kick out of it he said after.
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 17:57, More)

» Debt pron

Debt pr0n?
I'd be about as exciting as the Amish then, or that scene in Star Trek: Voyager where the two Q made a baby. I'm not really attached to money, but I'm not at all irresponsible with it. Back in high school bought myself a fantastic motor bike for only $750, split the payment half and half with my dad then payed him the rest back over two years. Bought my first car last year that's actually mine...sure it's a Ford but it's in top shape, only a grand. My student loans'll be paid off next year, moved into a bigger and better apartment earlier this year, bought a sweet t-rex r/c heli a few months ago, got a few grand into GIC's, bills get paid the day I get them ...probably helps not being in a high tax bracket or something. I mean, in my mind, how hard is it to not spend money you don't have? My biggest money fuck up? Some time ago I blew the last of the money I had on me at anime north on a box set then realized I now had nothing left with which to buy dinner or breakfast the next morning when I was to leave. I chose anime over food. *hangs head in shame* I don't care for it that much anymore though, kinda grown out of it.
(Sat 25th Nov 2006, 22:37, More)