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# Shopping safely on the internet

How the internet works
The INTERNET is oblong, and yellow. It is divided into network A and network B. INFORMATION starts at one of the four computers in network A, and travels to one of the four computers in network B. It gets there by INTERNET. The whole thing looks like a psychedelic octopus.

What you will need for the internet
Make sure you have a keyboard, a computer, and a monitor. None of these things will be sufficient on its own. The front part of the monitor is called a 'screen'. To connect to the internet, you will also need a printer.

What you can buy
These are the things you can buy on the internet. You can buy a car, a beach ball, a big ugly lamp, a bowl of pink petunias and the latest Top of the Pops CD.

Starting to shop
Here we see the results of a hard day of internet shopping. You can buy a sofa on the internet, or even a jet plane. But they have to be quite small, or else they wouldn't fit in the basket.
(_Felix 's school of dance and occult sciences, Thu 27 May 2004, 18:54, archived)
# woo
i never knew you could buy so much!
(Holsinki, Thu 27 May 2004, 18:57, archived)
# Thanks for this in-depth analysis!
:-)
(I helped save b3ta! hoifbjifbef, Thu 27 May 2004, 18:57, archived)
# "To connect to the internet, you will also need a printer."
WooYayHoopla! ™
This message brought to you by Hewlett Packard. Don't forget to order a new print cartridge every week!

(I helped save b3ta! bnt what, me worry?, Thu 27 May 2004, 18:57, archived)
# I'm afraid it's all a bit complex.
Run that yellow oblong thing by me again?
(I helped save b3ta! Stickman_ben, Thu 27 May 2004, 18:58, archived)
# haha
is that real or shopped? If it is then huge woo
(I helped save b3ta! anythingbutthisactually, Thu 27 May 2004, 18:58, archived)
# Every bit as real as
Planet of the Voles.
(_Felix 's school of dance and occult sciences, Thu 27 May 2004, 19:04, archived)
# *adds to reading list*
(Artimus, Thu 27 May 2004, 19:05, archived)
# MIND
PISSAGE of the most extreme!
(mingegashup, Thu 27 May 2004, 19:07, archived)
# a whole beach ball?
(I helped save b3ta! Sunshine Elephant, Thu 27 May 2004, 18:58, archived)
# hehe
Genius.
(I helped save b3ta! Paper Tiger, Thu 27 May 2004, 18:59, archived)
# 9.8/10
(I helped save b3ta! rabid peanut - s'fucking right, Thu 27 May 2004, 19:01, archived)
# 4.5/13
-No explanation given.
(I helped save b3ta! Stickman_ben, Thu 27 May 2004, 19:10, archived)
# i do not need your puny marks/13
(I helped save b3ta! rabid peanut - s'fucking right, Thu 27 May 2004, 19:13, archived)
# 2/13
Explanation given, but no marks.
Inconsistent.
(I helped save b3ta! Stickman_ben, Thu 27 May 2004, 19:24, archived)
# To connect to the internet, you will also need a printer.
really??
(Skitgraves, Thu 27 May 2004, 19:01, archived)
# dont forget the paper
i've heard that the internet helpline is sick of people wondering why they cant connect to the internet, and 99% of the time they've forgotten the paper
(The Cosmic Boy Zombie (Formerly Pirate Cat), Thu 27 May 2004, 19:05, archived)
# ahahahah
click
(1, Thu 27 May 2004, 19:04, archived)
# Heh heh
catfish
heh heh heh.
(_Felix 's school of dance and occult sciences, Thu 27 May 2004, 19:06, archived)
# Hahahahahahahaha!
That's the best thing ever!

Apart from the book, which is the best thing ever-ever-ever! Wooooo!
(I helped save b3ta! Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Thu 27 May 2004, 19:12, archived)
# Finally
someone explained it properly.
*Takes notes*
(I helped save b3ta! Royalle, Thu 27 May 2004, 19:20, archived)
#
that was a fantastic book. And the fact that they brought the Ladybird brand out of retirement for it. They're quite rare too!
(I helped save b3ta! mozza, Thu 27 May 2004, 19:21, archived)