From the Illustrated Spam challenge. See all 441 entries (closed)

( stup0t, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:14, archived)

Fnarr
Fnarr
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:18, archived)

aarrf
Go and have your bath, Mykeyboy. You're gonna be late for work..
( FoldsFive Gold Rings is on the mend, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:21, archived)

your new fp
made me crack up hysterically
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:23, archived)

Aww
thanks a lot. Thats very kind.
( FoldsFive Gold Rings is on the mend, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:31, archived)

you're welcome, now have a random KFC fact:
my friend Taylor who lives in Florida told me that down south there, the Colonel's skin keeps getting progressively darker in adverts to adapt to the audience that KFC serves most frequently. I thought that was funny, since he's an old white guy.
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:36, archived)

and dead
I would wager
( FoldsFive Gold Rings is on the mend, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:37, archived)

well duh

( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:39, archived)

Surely he should just get deader and deader
in subsequent advertising campaigns ?
( FoldsFive Gold Rings is on the mend, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:41, archived)

nope, just blacker and blacker
or so I hear

and he's a cartoon now, of course
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:42, archived)

a Cartoon?
Surely you jest?
( FoldsFive Gold Rings is on the mend, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:48, archived)

er...nooo
in all the ads he's a cartoon.
It's hard to film someone as alive and black when they are dead and white.
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:51, archived)

Sorry not properly awake yet
thought you were referring to a KFC cartoon in the way that Mcdonalds did a kids cartoon about ten years ago
/feels old
/hangs head
( FoldsFive Gold Rings is on the mend, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:58, archived)

aww
you're not old!

*pats back*

*steals cane and runs away whilst you hobble along behind me and trip and break your hip*
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:01, archived)

/shakes fist angrily
/breaks hip
/dies
( FoldsFive Gold Rings is on the mend, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:02, archived)

/coughs
/dies
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:03, archived)

Nah!
There's no conspiracy, he's just naturally aging like David Dickinson.*

*This will probably not be understood outside the UK - I bloody hope we're not exporting him!
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:39, archived)

Personally
I hope we bloody are
( FoldsFive Gold Rings is on the mend, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:41, archived)

But then the whole world will hate us
just like America . . .

*Shut's up so he doesn't offend FPM.
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:44, archived)

nah, it's ok
I'm not offended. Most of America sucks.

though the food is astronomically better
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:46, archived)

Shirley, just bigger . . .

( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:48, archived)

american food better?
*offers FPM tastebud transplant*
( madrabbi, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:51, archived)

That's rich coming from Tofu boy!
'ning

What're you doing here, other place borked?
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:53, archived)

just passing through
out of interest.

and 'ning, hope you are well(ish)
( madrabbi, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:12, archived)

Uhuh!
*nods

you too?
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:15, archived)

chipper
despite family nightmares.

* has new guitar 8-) *
( madrabbi, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:18, archived)

Doh!
You should've got a banjo.
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:19, archived)

hmmmmmmm....
nearly went for the acoustic bass but the 12-string semi-acoustic won in the end.

banjo next time (well, next life)
( madrabbi, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:21, archived)

Acoustic Bass?
Is that the opposite of electric eel?
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:22, archived)

c'mon!
Reeses, Butterfinger, Marie Calendar's Chicken Pot Pie, Oreos, Chocolate chip cookies, cookies n' cream ice cream, far larger variety of ice cream, altoids sour apple candies, skittles with GRAPE instead of fucking blackcurrant, ranch salad dressing, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:54, archived)

never had any of those

They all sound delicious.
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:58, archived)

they are
I had some American sweets sent to me for my birthday and Lemony ended up eating all of my sour apple altoids :(
so when I went back I got him a bunch of them
/teh best girlifriend ever
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:04, archived)

Funny
'cos I know someone called 'appley' who prefers the sour lemon altoids . . .

*dies of shame
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:05, archived)

pffft
he hasn't tried the lemon ones yet, but I got some of those for him too.
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:06, archived)

sugar
sugar
sugar
sugar
sugar
sugar

that's all teh americanish foodz
( madrabbi, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:13, archived)

Pssst!
You missed sugar substitute (Atkins)
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:15, archived)

heh heh!
two tru
( madrabbi, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:17, archived)

A guy at work
has an American wife & he keeps bringing in typical US "food". No matter what it is, the ingredient list always says:
Sugar
Glucose syrup
Refined bleached white flour
Hydrogenated vegetable oil
Artificial flavouring of whatever the real food it's imitating.
Loads of other shit.
(keef, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 10:12, archived)

i am glistening with bathwater
and smelling like some sort of manly flower as we speak:)


*flicks towel*
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:24, archived)

manly flowers?
I was unaware of their existance.
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:25, archived)

I think he meant
'I smell of mainly flowers'; maybe there was a mystery ingredient to his ungulent?
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:28, archived)

Oh yes
a few of them were reassigned recently...were you not at the meeting?did you not get the memo?

/i'll get my people to call your people....
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:28, archived)

I salute you sir
for being the quickest and most efficient bather of all time!
/hands over award
( FoldsFive Gold Rings is on the mend, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:31, archived)

*steals award out of Mykeyboy's still wet hands

Yoink!

*runs away
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:37, archived)

yeah, um, you're gonna have to put coversheets on all the tps reports from now on
did you...uh...get that memo?
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:32, archived)

Arf!
'ning

The bloke on the left looks really confused. Maybe you posted this too early for him?
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:22, archived)

Ning Dave
you loon...
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:23, archived)

*sniff, sniff
Phew! Someone round here needs a bath!

'ning.
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:24, archived)

im clean pig!
you've got nothing on me, i wasnt even there that night!....erm....nothing...
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:27, archived)

aww
your profile is so sweet
*sniff*
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:28, archived)

me or him?

( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:28, archived)

you
his profile isn't sweet!
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:29, archived)

I dare not look at his
although I did just look at yours (something to do with a conversation about orgasms from down there)

I'm gonna grind you into a spicy powder . . .

pfffft!

EDIT: It was the bit about Brian Blessed that you really liked, wasn't it?
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:30, archived)

well, yes, partly that
but mostly the romanticalistic stuff, cause I'm just all girly and on my own little cloud at the moment :)
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:33, archived)

*checks own profile
Hey! My bloody wife's been hacking again!*

*not really; DTH is teh mushiest.
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:36, archived)

hehe yaaaay!
me too. especially today since I'm gonna see my boy for the first time in a month! woo hoo!!!
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:38, archived)

experimental eye surgery, was it?

( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:40, archived)

:S
I don't get it... :(

/stupid american girl
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:41, archived)

*sigh
'see him for the first time in a month'
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:42, archived)

oh, god...that was horrible.
that's like something my dad would say.

but just to make you feel better, I like my dad a lot.
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:43, archived)

*doesn't feel better

*feels old

*feels like having a really bad dance at someone's wedding

Anyone getting married? I have my suit all ready.
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:45, archived)

I might in like 10 years
but first I have to grow up and find someone and stuff

wanna hear a really bad dad joke that I didn't get to enter in the question of the week a while back?
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:46, archived)

Depends
will it make me feel even older?
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:48, archived)

maybe
What do you get when Batman and Robin fall under a steam roller?


Flatman and Ribbon!

after he told this joke, my dad proceeded to crack up for about five minutes.
OMGLOLROFL.
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:53, archived)

are we brother and sister?

( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:54, archived)

not to my knowledge
unless my mom had a kid when she was 12...

the slut.
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:57, archived)

*Lines up Agadoo*
'Ning everybodypeeps
( Flowerpot watches through the railings as they play, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:50, archived)

You have Agadoo!

pffftt!
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:52, archived)

Yay to
33 year old Midlanders on b3ta called Dave! (that makes two of us)
The suit in your profile is ultra-cool. Looks like Spiderman.
( FoldsFive Gold Rings is on the mend, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:33, archived)

Yes
not only does it look like spiderman, it empowers me with spider-like powers*

*i.e. makes women scream and run away. That is all.
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:37, archived)

bloody midlanders
teh mike is teh man...etc right im off to work you bastards! so , err...i'll be back on here in bout 15 mins...*sigh*
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:38, archived)

Pssst!
Everyone!

When he comes back, we'll all hide!
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:43, archived)

deal

( Funtastic Pony Magic, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:44, archived)

I like your thinking!
..
( FoldsFive Gold Rings is on the mend, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 8:49, archived)

fuck me
that is one long thread.
(Kundalini wants his hand back (and an fp too, thanks), Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:15, archived)

*fucks petstarr

I agree
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:21, archived)

woo!
and I wasn't even looking when you did that...
(Kundalini wants his hand back (and an fp too, thanks), Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:22, archived)

Well
I'm not the biggest

www.b3ta.com/board/3620983
( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:25, archived)

ewwww
i wish I hadn't just read that post...
(Kundalini wants his hand back (and an fp too, thanks), Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:29, archived)

Arf!

( Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - Can't find glasses he likes - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:32, archived)