Evenin' all



Inspired by my worst employee ever.

It's his first day. We only met the day before. We're in the delivery van and have been on the road for maybe 5 minutes.

It's 1990. About 3 in the afternoon. Bette Midler's 'From a Distance' is playing on the radio, prompting the lad to begin this sensitive and sincere exchange:

Him: That's an interesting song. Makes you think.

Me: Just a mo.

(I complete my turn on a tricky intersection in heavy traffic and decide not to waste my breath on a mini-lecture about timing.)

Me: Sorry.... you were saying?

Him: I said it's an interesting song, this one.

(long pause)

Him: Do you ever wonder if, like, your grandparents watch you from Heaven when you masturbate?

Me: I fucking *beg* your pardon?!

Him: I was just wondering if, you know... like when you masturbate... um, if your grandparents... erm.... Ooh, look! A bird!

We didn't speak for the rest of the hour-long drive.

From the Selling Celibacy challenge. See all 245 entries (closed)

( Manic declared war on Old Media, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:17, archived)

hahahahaha
nutters - where would we be without them!
( Zank Frappa shall return whenever Fallout 3 loses its appeal!, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:19, archived)

Did your gran not watch you when she was alive then?

( Pedantichrist twitter.com/LordManley, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:19, archived)

haha
good pic, good story
( Milkman Dan, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:20, archived)

hahahaha
*clicks*
( Mrs. Sp@m is Terry Wogan, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:23, archived)

Hahaha
That would've been a very painful drive... How long did you work for him?
( BargeArse Maker of fine Trouser Trumpets since 1863, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:23, archived)

He worked for me.
For one day short of a very long fortnight.
( Manic declared war on Old Media, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:24, archived)

ah!
I'm sure the jokes were endless... Oh well his grandparents are still watching him do it...
( BargeArse Maker of fine Trouser Trumpets since 1863, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:26, archived)

I was buying a sandwich yesterday in Sapr...
And a lad (student) said to me in the cue (I've never met him before)

"do you ever find yourself in a dicotamy, one minute you think maybe you are a super hero who can save the world and the next minute you are a worthless peice of shit?"

"Not normally at lunch time" I replied.

"Oh, but do you think...... etc"

The conversation went on, but sadly he picked the wrong person to talk philosophy to as I will happily stand there and discount any dribble spouted... He left with his tail firmly between his legs promising not to be a twat in the cue from then on and convinced he will fail his philosophy course... Oh Hum...
( benkai has not thought about biscuits since, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:47, archived)

so it took you
bloody 16 years to get over that discussion you had in 1990? wow you are rather resentful.
(MarkP0rter http://markp0rter.deviantart.com, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:52, archived)

I'm still getting over
the sheer disappointment of not seeing the bird.

night-night
( Manic declared war on Old Media, Thu 30 Nov 2006, 0:04, archived)

G'night...

( benkai has not thought about biscuits since, Thu 30 Nov 2006, 0:05, archived)

I'd thought of that.
I think it's called the Dead Mans Wank or something.
( Spunk Murphy Tchaikovsky is a synonym for fanny, apparently, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 21:02, archived)