who wants to cut the cord?


From the Wrong Man For The Job challenge. See all 405 entries (closed)

( HappyToast sorted on, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:42, archived)

YAY!
I hate that film, it makes me cry buckets.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:43, archived)

to cure this
you must watch the porn version, 'Edward Penishands'
( Mighty Nibus who dares gins, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:47, archived)

Oooooh parody porn I haven't seen.
Always good.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:47, archived)

Ha ha ha!
Am I remembering correctly, or do his hands look like Chicken Drumsticks?
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:49, archived)

Ha ha, yes!
Bernard Matthew would be proud
( Droog is too orangey for crows, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:15, archived)

That was the least erotic porno I ever watched.

( gronkpan, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:51, archived)

If porn is erotic you're watching porn made for girls.
Stop. Turn off channel 5. Stick on some proper grot.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:52, archived)

I have to be honest, I don't like anything too full-on.
I don't like seeing people demean themselves for money, I just sometimes want to watch people having sex.

I'll never understand why some people think it's hot watching a chick get brutalised.
( gronkpan, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:57, archived)

who decided that
angry pained expressions and gasping through gritted teeth was sexy?
( HappyToast sorted on, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:01, archived)

People in the bondage crowd?
Nothing wrong with it as long as everything's consensual.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:09, archived)

in my experience, people in the bondage crowd
don't do the whole angry sex face thing, there's more of a sublime pleasure and smiling thing going on, interspersed by briefest flickers of delicious stinging.

I'm on about the expressions on 95% of the women I've seen in porn that suggest they're being dry fucked by a 12 inch wide cactus on a pneumatic drill.
( HappyToast sorted on, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:15, archived)

There's a difference between hardcore porn and bondage/S+M/fake snuff.
Hardcore, while including these sub genres, covers so much more besides- M/F, F/F, M/M, gang bang, oral, anal, roman, sybian, fetish (general), fetish (subsect), role play, role reversal....

The list is endless. But please don't think that anything hardcore is 'brutalising women' because it's bloody well not- I know this to be true because apart from owning quite a large porn collection I'm also currently researching the way I'm going to start up my own line and directing it, and those women will not be being brutalised. Remember every actress has the right to leave set at any point.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:02, archived)

Sure they can leave, I just don't like looking at women who clearly are just there because they need the money.
Also, clown porn:

www.somethingawful.com/d/horrors-of-porn/clown-porn.php
( gronkpan, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:05, archived)

If they don't need the money, why would they do it? You'll find few people prepared to be filmed fucking for free.
I certainly wouldn't work unless I needed the money.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:06, archived)

You know what I mean here.
I don't like desperation.

And from what I've seen on the internet, there are millions of people prepared to be filmed fucking for free.

Anyways, I don't think I've ever got this serious about porn before.
( gronkpan, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:13, archived)

Onoly because they're self publishing.
I have no end of trouble finding actors because as soon as people realise I do actually want to make money from this they're instantly demanding fucking silly amounts.

That's why I've got two actors so far for a 6 actor shoot, and I've been trying to cast for a year and a bit.


Sorry to make you be serious about porn, I know not many people are but to me it's my dream. I want to be Adam Glasser, basically, except just behind the camera, not in front.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:15, archived)

You have clearly missed
Playmate of the Apes. Its the Pink and Orange Fluffy Gorillas that really make that film. Also, The Erotic Witch Project is also very very bad!
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:52, archived)

The Erotic Witch Project wins for one reason.
No other film has bulked itself out so much by playing every scene twice, just mirrored. You've got to admire the audacity.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:53, archived)

Ha ha ha!
So true! Also, whats with the wannabe Fairuza Balk lead character?
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:56, archived)

The one with the potato face?
GOD KNOWS.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:57, archived)

You could always look here for more
www.somethingawful.com/d/horrors-of-porn/
( gronkpan, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:00, archived)

Hmm
you ever tried Lord of the G-Strings?
( Weetobix is a married man, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:53, archived)

Part of the brief Prosphetic Porn fad
of the early 90s.

There was a Cyrano de Bergerac one as well
( Joe Scaramanga - One Week Left To SPONSOR ME: SEE MY PROFILE NOW!!!!!, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:56, archived)

I assume you mean you hate it
purely because it makes you cry.

Not because it is shit, because it isnt. And if you think that, you are wrong.
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:47, archived)

Did I say that?
No.

Did I say 'it makes me cry buckets'?

Yes.

So using your Miss Marple skills, what do you think the reason is for my not liking it? Based on the evidence you've been provided with.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:49, archived)

Because you are gay?
;)
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:50, archived)

Half right.
What's your excuse?
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:51, archived)

I'm just rubbish :)
By the way, kudos on having an uncle called Ephraim :)
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:53, archived)

Thank you :-)
I shall tell Grandma you approve. Which will most probably elicit this response:


'So he thinks your dad's name is shit, does he?'
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:55, archived)

Ha ha ha!
Whats your dads name?
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:56, archived)

David.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:05, archived)

clearly they are the new Miss Marple
who is shit and not the Joan Hickson version which is obviously the best
( HappyToast sorted on, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:50, archived)

I might be the new Miss Marple, you don't know.
I've got a long black coat and a trilby, I need to detect something.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:52, archived)

Hahaha
Not for long:P
( riverghost Discomeats likes pies, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:44, archived)

births and circumcisions in one swift movement

( HappyToast sorted on, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:46, archived)

!! 0_o !!
"Man winces"
( The magic of chutney Says: Get your cake on!, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:44, archived)

hahaha

( Mighty Nibus who dares gins, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:46, archived)

Hahaha!
;)
( mediocre *canned laughter*, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:47, archived)

Ha ha ha!
Molto Woo!
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:51, archived)

haha excellent!
:D
( op op op op op largely very dangerouse, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 13:39, archived)

Would it be wrong
to say that made me laugh out loud and I ddn't once think of a pornographic context to it?
(ianisme, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 14:53, archived)