boo!


i made apple pie yesterday and today i made pickles. tomorrow i may make a cake. what sort?

From the Ronseal Plots challenge. See all 754 entries (closed)

( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 5:56, archived)

Oh hello there.
Key lime.
( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 5:57, archived)

o hai dude.
key lime cake? i only have a few limes in the house and they're destined to be added to juice. but, interesting suggestion.
( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 5:58, archived)

HERE IS AN ARTGUMENT
www.flickr.com/photos/23140504@N02/2531576705/#/edit
( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 5:59, archived)

Haha
I particularly liked the "Kilroy was not here" comment.
( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:02, archived)

"If a monkey was painting with it's own shit, do you think it would paint a banana? Think about it"
( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:10, archived)

I don't know why but I suddenly remembered a Nabokov quote
where he talks about... "an ape in the Jardin des Plantes who, after months of coaxing by a scientist, produced the first drawing ever charcoaled by an animal: this sketch showed the bars of the poor creature's cage."
( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:19, archived)

IT WAS ACTUALLY A PICTURE OF A SAD CLOWN.

( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:29, archived)

ALSO: VELVET ELVIS

( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:32, archived)

VELVIS UNDERGROUND

( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:33, archived)

hahahaa
there's a film called blue velvis. he hides in a cupboard wearing a gasmask
( Cockweasle http://b3nn3tt.mybrute.com, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:35, archived)

( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:35, archived)

and when the scientist realised the cruelty of imprisoning his cousin animal, he began to cry. then the ape grabbed his arms and pulled them off.

( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:30, archived)

And beat him to death with the soggy ends.

"LOL"
( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:33, archived)

i forgot you can't see the pics hosted on b3ta, so i added it to pbuckt.
i33.photobucket.com/albums/d100/Anal0gue/triffids_ronseal_small.gif
( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:07, archived)

I can on the weekend, just not at work.
The CEO of the company said he didn't care about internet filters but the fuckers in IT decided to DO IT ANYWAY.

FUCKERS.
( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:08, archived)

it is gone. bye, artgument.

( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:10, archived)

you need to copy and paste the link because flickr uses those fucking shitty @ symbols.

( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:19, archived)

oh yeah. thanks.
krylon criminals represent!!!
( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:24, archived)

I might get an individual mr kipling apple pie
now that you have put the thought into my brian
( Discomeats fish fingers are READY!, Sat 31 May 2008, 5:59, archived)

apple pie is always good.
except when it's crap. mine was good - it had the juice of an orange in it and a crumble top. it was tiny (just 3 smallish apples).
( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:01, archived)

mr kiplings individual apple pies aren't that good tho
I need a nice apple pie
( Discomeats fish fingers are READY!, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:05, archived)

i would send you mine but i eated (most of) it.

( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:15, archived)

Babby cake!

( Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:04, archived)

ick. no way, man.
it'll either be chocolate or chocolate + some fruit. or a spice cake.
( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:08, archived)

Chocolate?
Ok then; white + dark chocolate chips in a cake laced with coffee or possibly amareto... kind of like a confused pseudo-tiramisu.
( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:11, archived)

i don't much like white chocolate - i'm a dark, bitter man.
coffee works, though, and i do love it so. i also have a ton of rum here, so i can always go light on the flavouring and just soaked the finished cake in rum.
( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:14, archived)

White chocolate chips can balance the cake nicely if you're using a lot of bitter ingredients.
caramel, 90% cocoa chocolate, coffee and some white chocolate mix together surprisingly well in a cake.

Also: Mayonnaise.
( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:18, archived)

NO BALANCE. DO NOT CONTAMINATE THE HOLY CHOCOLATE WITH THAT WHITE WAXY CRAP.
but i could do up some dulce de leche.
( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:20, archived)

IT IS NICE TO EXPERIENCE DIFFERENT FLAVOUR SENSATIONS IN THE SAME MOUTHFUL.

( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:26, archived)

yeah, but not white chocolate. it's just pus with good press.

( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:39, archived)

You say that like it's a bad thing.

( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:42, archived)

And:
bacon.
( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:20, archived)

I tried some bacon chocolate a few weeks ago
it was good, but I'll stick with bacon sandwiches with HP sauce.
( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:23, archived)

hahaha bacon chocolate

( Cockweasle http://b3nn3tt.mybrute.com, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:27, archived)

HAM STEAKS LAYERED WITH HONEY
LIKE A PANCAKE STACK.
( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:07, archived)

pukefest, dude.
i never liked pork, even back when i ate meat. it is disgusting in all its varieties.
( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:11, archived)

ADD MORE HAM

( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:15, archived)

A bacon cake

( Cockweasle http://b3nn3tt.mybrute.com, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:17, archived)

BACKE.

( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:18, archived)

EXACTLY
WITH SAUSAGES STICKING OUT OF THE TOP
( Cockweasle http://b3nn3tt.mybrute.com, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:20, archived)

I saw a cake on the internet once.
It had meat patties instead of cake and mashed potato and tomato sauce instead of icing and jam.

Next time someone has a birthday I'm doing it.
( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:22, archived)

I know it's old now
but the catbox/kitty-litter cake is powerful juju.
( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:23, archived)

I might have missed that one.
Does it really have magical powers?
( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:33, archived)

Well
it's magic in the sense that, no matter how sure I was that the box was new and the contents were food, I would not be able to eat it because of the association.
domandjane.typepad.com/photos/live_audience_friday/100_0013.jpg
( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:36, archived)

I'm pretty sure that the only thing I won't eat is lutefisk.
I've eaten live scorpions, but that was more because I was drunk and my friend and I were trying to outdo each other.
( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:40, archived)

I'm curious, what's the next step after live scorpions?
Also: does this mean you'd eat Casu marzu?
( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:44, archived)

are they still touring?
they will rock you like a hurricane.
( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:46, archived)

HERE I AM

( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:49, archived)

I'd eat it without the maggots
and the next step was for my friend to drink a glass of dead bird wine - wine that had a dead bird (it looked like a crow) floating in it for a year.

Like this, but with a dead bird:

farm2.static.flickr.com/1122/1472366894_688a446847.jpg?v=0
( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:48, archived)

Ack
shitrags sounds like a holiday after that.
( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:51, archived)

hahahaha
that would be great. Imagine it as a 4 tier wedding cake


en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meatcake
( Cockweasle http://b3nn3tt.mybrute.com, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:24, archived)

YES

( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:34, archived)

that's a meatloaf.

( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:28, archived)

with CANDLES

( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:30, archived)

CANDLES MADE OF FROZEN LARD.

( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:50, archived)

Fuck, I just said bacon up there ^
BACON BACON but you said it first.
BACON
( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:21, archived)

BACKE
www.flickr.com/photos/aaronp/220142527/in/photostream/
( Cockweasle http://b3nn3tt.mybrute.com, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:23, archived)

Fuck that's wrong.
Bacon's not really all that funny, I don't think. Except in Invader Zim.
( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:25, archived)

yes. all hail zim!

( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:30, archived)

Vanilla cheesecake with pears and ground black pepper on it.

( Cockweasle http://b3nn3tt.mybrute.com, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:15, archived)

i hate making cheesecake. and it's way too fattening.
but, you have given me: ideas.
( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:18, archived)

I'm drinking pear juice right now and wondering why the hell I haven't eaten a pear in years.
Pears are awesome. They contain fibre.
( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:20, archived)

I hate pears.
Fuck you.
( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:22, archived)

WHY CAN'T WE ALL GET ALONG?

( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:23, archived)

because of the pears!
also, it's 6:26am

maybe I should go to bed

:D
( Discomeats fish fingers are READY!, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:26, archived)

BECAUSE MOTHERFUCKERS BE EATING PEARS
THEY STOP AND WE'LL ALL GET ALONG JUST FINE
( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:29, archived)

MAYBE I JUST NEED A GOOD SOURCE OF FIBRE BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE CEREALS.
WHAT ELSE IS LEFT FOR MY COLON IN A WORLD WITHOUT PEARS?
( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:32, archived)

CEREALS

( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:38, archived)

I hate cereals.
Fuck you.
( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:41, archived)

So there we have it.
The metaphorical lines are drawn in the metaphorical sand. And the metaphorical lines are: metaphorical pears and metaphorical cereals.
( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:46, archived)

METAPHORICAL FUCK YOU.
YOU'RE GOING ON IGNORE, BUCKO
( gronkpan, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:50, archived)

God knows I deserve it.

( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:53, archived)

steel wool.

( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:40, archived)

I love pears.
I used to steal tons of organic pear juice out of a shop that I used to work in. it was great
( Cockweasle http://b3nn3tt.mybrute.com, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:25, archived)

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS

( mofaha, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:40, archived)

I believe Triffids are quite nutritious

( BargeArse Maker of fine Trouser Trumpets since 1863, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:33, archived)

they taste like chicken I've heard.

( Cockweasle http://b3nn3tt.mybrute.com, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:34, archived)

triffid cake, for chidren's birthdays.

( postbear is creepy and old and gross, Sat 31 May 2008, 6:37, archived)