Natural History Museum
Whilst contracting at a bank in London, all the staff in our division were treated to a night out with dinner, entertainments and a few glasses of wine. All this was to take place in the lovely surroundings of the Earth Galleries at the Natural History Museum.

In preparation for the evening, like several other colleagues, I went to the bar next door to the bank to enjoy a quiet drink or two (or seven) and take advantage of the two for one offer for happy hour. An hour later, we grab a taxi across to Kensington.

On arrival at the museum, we are shown upstairs to a reception area where glasses of champagne are being handed round and re-filled on a regualr basis. Being a smoker, I had to go back down stairs for a cigarette and, once finished, back up and through the recption area, where I took advantage of the free champagne again.

Dinner was a four course affair, with wines with each course. The food was lovely, if a little small, but that was made up for in the wine that was very good and very plentiful.

Nothing out of the ordinary so far. Unfortunately, the excessive amounts of alcohol had taken their toll by now, and seven beers, six glasses of champagne and two or three bottles of wine began to kick in. To which end, I was later informed, I did the following;

- Heckled the entertainment
- Shouted obscenities at colleagues on my table
- Went to a table where friends were sat and told the senior managers sat with them they were a "bunch of c*nts"
- Sparked up a very large cigar in the, definitely, no smoking part of the museum
- When advised by the nice security man that it was time to leave, told him "I was going anyway, this place is sh*t"

I navigated home by beer compass to be met at the station by the ex-wife looking less than pleased. I was supposed to be back "not too late and not too drunk", oops.

Still, there were worse casualties, with first prize, as far as I'm concerned, to my mate Neil. Along with several others, he went to a club after the works do. Feeling a little queasy, he went to find somewhere to be ill, but after seeing a colleague thrown out for being sick in a corner, decided that the best bet was not to get any vomit on the floor, so decided to throw up all down the front of his shirt and suit. Top job Raffers.
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 9:17, Reply)