Airport StoriesBack when I was a moody teenager I took a cheap flight that involved changing planes and having to go through security again. My bags were pre-checked so, when I set off the metal detector, I honestly said to the security guy that I had no idea what had set it off.
Until, that is, he searched me and found the metal knife and fork stamped "KLM" I'd nicked off the previous flight.
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(
chthonic, Fri 3 Mar 2006, 10:09)
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American SecurityComing back from NYC and, f*cking shoes in hand, we queue through labyrinthine snakes of zigzagging queue barriers. We were about halfway through the ordeal when a couple of holidaying American families get to the front of the queue where an armed security guard is making sure nobody crosses a line on the floor 10 meters in front of the two metal detectors. One teenaged kid, about 14 was talking to his dad and inadvertently stepped on to the line.
"Get BACK from the line" (no pause) "Get BACK from the line SIR." (How do they make sir sound like "Although I am the missing link proving the theory of evolutuion my rednecked Creationist neanderthal family contests, my position here today has granted me a modicum of authority over your lives for this brief moment which I now intend to exert theat authority as much as is simianly possible"?)
The kid, busy talking, didn't respond quick enough to be told no fewer than three times before looking round and then down at his offending foot - 2 inches over the line.
His bemusement at this pettiness, and the fact that by this time one of the metal detectors was now free meant that rather than move back he and his family actually started moving forward.
"BACK! Get back over that line!" They were all puzzled and slightly incredulous and so paused (Surely he wasn't going to be this petty?)
"Everyone get back over the line".
Another pause and then they went back the six inches they had all moved. As soon as they stepped back over the line.
"Come forward". WITHOUT ANY SENSE OF F#CKING IRONY OR SELF-AWARENESS WHATSOEVER.
Absolute and spectacular f#cktard.
(, Mon 6 Mar 2006, 10:57, Reply)
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